Roll Call 19

I have one son. He's 18. He's living with his dad right now bc my last breakdown was too hard on him. His dad hasn't really been in his life, but when Josh called him when I was in the middle of being on the verge of psychosis he stepped up to the plate. Josh really needed a male role model so it has been really good for him. He comes and stays with me for a couple weeks now and then. He wants to come home but he does soooo much better at his dads. We live far from buses and stuff, so it's hard for him to get around here. And I don't have a car. His dad is able to get him around easier and he listens to his dad. With me he just kind of rules the house. It's been so helpful for him and me having his dad in his life. I'm 39.

That's a tight fit.

Cats!

I wish I could get a couple, but I don't know if and when I'll be locked up. I hate the thought of kitties I love not being taken care of in my absence.

sunshine: This summer both of my girls will go off to college. My son attends a local college. He will be getting his own apartment this summer. My daughter hopes to be able to take her cats with her to college. I really hope that plan works out for her. Daisy and I will be getting our own apartment too. Or if possible a small house. I'd love to have a yard for Daisy. It'll be big changes happening this summer and I just hope I can handle it all. I've already been having stress and anxiety over it.

Haha. Gotta love cats.

I have 6.
Boy 26
Girl 24
Girl 23
Girl 21
Boy 17
Bean 14
Im 43.
First 4 are grown on heir own, 17 year lod boy moved in with his dad when he was 15 and Bean started being hospitalized. He began getting into bad stuff and needed hos father for guidance and he listens to him better. We have a great relationship though. So now its just Bean at home with my husband and I. A lot more to this story but thats all for now.

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When Josh first left I was so lonely and missed him so much. I was constantly calling him. He was calling me all the time too. We are very close, it's only been him and I ya know. But now I've adjusted. It's hard to see our kids grow away from us. Sorry ur so stressed. It will probably be hard at first, but you'll adjust.

Out of curiosity what's ur diagnoses?

Wow! I'm the youngest of eight. Superwoman!! I don't know how my mom did it. Kudos to you. I only had one and that was soooo hard. I have so much respect for women that can handle having that many children. My dad died when I was 4, so there were still 5 at home. I seriously don't know how she did it. And we ALWAYS had good nutritional dinners every night. She was a great cook. I miss her so much, anyway...

I hope you're right. I worry that I'll get really depressed. Severe depression is my main issue. I have never lived by myself ever! Of course I'll have Daisy with me so I won't be entirely alone.

As far as what my diagnose is well that's a very long story. I haven't seen a doc in over 12 yrs & when I did he labeled me as bi-polar. That is very wrong. It was a bad experience for me. I am not on any meds and currently no doc. But this summer I will be reopening that chapter in my life. I am seeking therapy and will consider meds. I don't like labels. I have tons of what I call "symptoms". My mother was sz and my father I never knew. My mother's mother was possibly sz too but that's never been confirmed. Long story short I come from a long line of mental illnesses.

Sorry i havnt been keeping up with everyone today. Nothing good or encouraging to say.
Tomorrow is another day though...right?

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punky: you're a brave woman to have 6 kids! I can't imagine! 3 is a lot for me. No wonder you're such a great mom!

Yeah it's hard living alone. But I did adjust, just took awhile. My son ruled the house though and would tell me what to do. I just stayed in my room. It's not his fault I just let him always get away with so much bc I was untreated bp. He's better when he comes home but he still sometimes tries to tell me what to do.

I believe u will adjust.

That's hard. Things don't always run smooth here either. My 19 year old daughter sometimes tries to rule me and I have to put her in her place. I tell her if I wanted a husband I'd have one so quit acting like a husband! Lol!

I have days like this too. I sometimes go for days without posting anything. I hope you'll feel better soon

Yeah sometimes I would tell him he's not my father, lol. Luckily he didn't get into any drugs or anything. He's more of a geek. But he's really wanting a g/f now so he's dressing better and has lost like 40lbs. I'm so proud of him. He's doing what I've been trying to get him to do for years, lol. Something about having the male influence...

Sometimes I cry bc it's like I'm not good for him. But he's like mom you've survived so much trauma u did the best u could, and u were untreated bp, he's really growing up and more understanding now.

I feel this way every day about my kids too.

Man I got these beautiful peach roses at the grocery today they smell awesome! I can smell them across the room!

I love Star Gazer Lilies! They have a gorgeous smell that makes any room smell wonderful!

Yeah it is helping with that but I'm still having a lot of other symptoms. I don't know if it's making things worse or not but I kind of doubt it.

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Also. It's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake.

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Ah, finally home from my dad's house. Oh how I miss you Columbus. Looks like my mom's dog has gotten fatter. Or it could be my imagination, who knows. I notice my mom and stepdad have gave up on the diapers.
Blah, I'm starting back on my birth control today. For some reason my periods get heavier while on it. Then again they say it's suppose to help with my facial hair that's under my chin. I normally just shave it off periodically because waxing it made it grow in thicker and darker. Ugh, girl problems. You know what I mean!

You probably are in bed by now but so am I! Lets chat !

I had a dream about being hospitalized for a manic episode. I've been dreaming about this scenario for over a year now.

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Have you ever had a manic episode?

Not that I'm aware of.