Roll Call 19

My life didn't turn out as planned either due to my MI. It sucks a lot.

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Trying to restart the Prozac. I started 40mg a day a few days ago. I haven't slept in two full days and still can't sleep.. Abort abort abort...

I hear manic depressives collapse after 3 days in a manic episode is that true? @ the few that are schizoaffective.

my life didnt turn out how i thought it would either due to MI. i had dreams of becoming a director or working for a hollywood movie studio.

Well, Bean's T dropped her. A very nice lady but she consulted with her pdoc and both agree there is no benefit to her seeing a T because Bean does not retain information.

In other words, if they try to teach CBT or any other coping skills, she does not retain the information or remember enough to use it.

She was explosive last night and I sneaked an extra zyprexa to her just so she could calm down and go to sleep. She woke up telling me she feels very angry and she doesnt know why.

Pdoc wants to put her on clozerel(sp), and everyone is talking about a respit hospital for her to be sent to for a couple of months. Yea, like Im going to let her go to one where she can come out worse than she went in.

A regular psych hospital is okay because its a good one and she is in there only to fix her meds. But to go residential for a while? I dont think so.

Im sorry a lot of you guys are having a hard time lately. I think its the time change and seasons changing maybe. IDK...im rambling....so much emotion right now i dont know what to say without it coming out garbled up.

punky: be careful with the clozaril. idk if she would benefit from residential hospital. she doesnt have to go does she?

No, but they are suggesting it. The doc wants my husband and I to get a break.

Only suggesting it but we say no.

They want her hospitalized too. That I understand because she is not doing well but its 2 hours away and I cant afford gas to visit her while she is there.

Newtus: I'm proud of you for remembering your night meds! Good job! I know how hard and frustrating it is when you forget all the time. I have the same problem. You're right, we wouldn't worry if we didn't care.

Ert: my life didn't turn out how I thought either. Of course, I'm pretty sure a lot of my plans were thanks to my MI anyway, but I'm smart enough to have been something other than a secretary in a dead end job. MI was a factor in where I am now, there is no doubt about it. Hurray for bipolar and grandios thinking, implusive decision making, and low-self esteem... but, to be fair, I think a lot of people end up thinking "this isn't how I thought life would turn out." Just because you didn't get what you planned doesn't mean it ends up bad.

Craking: I hope you got some rest. I didn't sleep well, either.

AD: I hope you're feeling better today also. Hopefully you also got some rest.

Alone: hopefully the prozac helps you sleep. Do you have mania? Or just random insomnia?

Punky: It would be scary to send your kid away to something like that. I hope she doesn't have to go. The season and time change seems to really mess with me, I know that for a fact. It could be something to do with her as well. Autumn is usually worse, though. (Not sure why.) But, the shift still seems to mess with me. Hopefully in a week or so she will settle down, that's how long it usually takes me. Spring is better for me until around May/June usually.

thats a tough situation. so are you gonna say no to hospitalization too? or just not visit her? thats a real tough situation. im no doctor but residential is different. i almost went to residential once. they werent nice there and i heard people committing suicide there. now thats a bad picture of the one i almost went to. idk about them all. but i know residential is a different kind of place to be.

Punky: They say take it one day at a time. Residential for many parents with a child who is mentally ill is a scary thing so I can understand why you wouldn't want Bean at one.

Sorry to hear that.

Funny, my Dx is back to schizoaffective, too. No idea what type.

Ugh I want to go home...

Yeah, most people do think that this isn't how life would turn out. I guess so far I'm dissatisfied with how things have turned out so far. I'm still young (24 years old) so I still has a ways to go before thinking about how I "screwed up" in life and haven't made it that far to began with.

Residential is not something I could do right now. She is too young and would come out learning new things we dont want her to even know about.

Hospitalization, well, were taking it day by day. Its a good place. Small and in the woods. But its so far.

The conundrum is, when we wait too long, she seems to have to stay longer than if we admit her earlier in her psychosis.

We will take it day by day. And she usually will tell us when she needs to go.

I wish I could find a 'babysitter' so my husband and I could go out sometimes. I may try to do that.

Lol, at least your doctor tells you your dx... for some reason all the doctors I've been with and all the hospital visits I've had... not one has discussed a dx all that much. Might as well call whatever I have a Jessica Farley disorder (lol I stole that from Didge(sp?)) because whatever is wrong with me must be some sort of mystery.

(((hug))) Missed you around here.
I had a feeling you went in...but im glad your okay.

I was thinking the only way I'm going to get proof of what is happening is by conversing, I don't really want to talk to them, but I'm going to have to.

I saw 1 of my stalkers watching me today as well, I really want to talk to him, but he always calls the police.

Hope everyone is ok
for those that aren't.

Do you have any close relatives at all that would understand? Possibly one of your older children?

dont talk to him if hes gonna call the police KUREHA. avoid the police! i dont trust em.

punky do any of your other children have mental illness?

Police seem different in the UK than here in the US. In the US you hear a lot about police brutality but not much with the UK.

KUREHA. Glad to see you here.
Im sorry you are feeling stalked again. You should probably not talk to him if he will call the police. You dont need that kind of trouble.

How is everything else in life going?

really? hm. i still couldnt trust them. thats just me. well i mean i know its a lot of people. the police had seemed to be nice to KUREHA but i dont think she should get them involved just in case.

No other children with MI.

Just her. She got it all. Poor baby.

Yeah, I don't think the police in the UK carry firearms either (correct me if I'm wrong) ... only in special circumstances but you're right it's better to not get the police involved.

They live too far away and have a lot of resentment towards her. Jealousy? IDK. I didnt raise them to act the way they are...breaks my heart.

Nevermind