Roll Call 19

thanks guys. yes he was worried about me so he called. im feeling a bit better today. but i have to go see T and the pdoc today and im nervous. we meet at noon. i didnt get good sleep last night. and my smoke alarm started beepoing cuz the battery is dead at 6am so i woke up then and have been up since. ugh

i have ssdi survivors benefits and i only get 760 a month

i was up from 2am to 6am this morning -_-

Morning everyone. Sorry to hear you didn't sleep, newtus. I can definitely relate.

Have a cuppa. That'll fix you right up.

Bean gets 353.00 a month from SSI.

Why so little? Because her step dad gets SSDI from a permanent injury working the railroad in Huston TX years ago.
And when Bean was applying 3years ago, they made an error so now they take a lot out each month.
I want to work like I used to but it will not help us....they will just subtract it from their SSI.
Can you believe it??? They keep us dirt poor.
The best I can do is sell my art on the side to buy food.
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I"m not feeling so well today.

junkDNA: I'm sorry you didn't sleep so well, I hope your appointmen goes okay. It's okay to be nervous, it's normal.

Newtus: sorry you didn't sleep well either.

I agree SSI is not much money. I get really mad when people act like people on SSI are rolling cash.

faerie

whats going on faerie?

i had my 5hr energy drink today and a cuppa joe and...wait for it...IMA HAVE ANOTHER 5HR ENERGY DRINK.

i think im only lucky to get 1136 in ssdi. my dad worked a straight 45 years and i take it out the "Disabled before 22" rule. under his name. its complicated. look it up. but yea.

Oh, you know, just cracking at the seams.... Work is too hard. No focus or motivation. Last night I had horrible anhedonia. Even my game was not fun... I was just restless and blah. Then you know, driving home from work yesterday I had massive rage fit at a guy and was screaming at him from my rolled down window.... ahem... I haven't done that before.... but at the same time I was having a panic attack due to being behind schedule. Panic + Rage = crazy woman screaming out of window....

I think I'm mixed again, which means on high alert for an episode. I think it's been a couple weeks since I had an episode, so I am not very happy about it.... Oh, and I'm not sleeping well, either. But, I dont' ever any more with my sleep apnea issues.

(((hug)))
Faerie

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faerie
you said you dont take meds didnt you?

im thinking of visiting my grandma in cali
im in texas. that means id have to fly. im scared.

Good morning all! (((hugs))) to everyone who has been struggling! I'm struggling some too but have been staying as busy as possible with my kids. Staying busy helps me not sink lower into depression.

Roll Call is moving very fast this time! It took me an hour or so to get caught up reading everything! Sorry I haven't posted anything helpful lately. When I'm in a funk it is hard for me to help someone else out of one. So sorry!

its great to hear from you cracking.

I noticed a lot of you are having trouble sleeping. I have always had issues with sleeping too. And my bed was too small. But I went and bought a brand new Queen size bed and I bought special a zippered mattress protector for the box spring, the mattress, and my two pillows. These zippered protectors provide protection from the smallest microscopic particles that can trigger allergies. It protects you from pollen, dust mites, and pet dander which helps you feel better so that you can sleep deeper. I've had this new bed for two days now and have slept better than I have in years!

Yeah, no meds. No pdoc. No T....

I keep calling the employee assistance program and getting a list of Ts but then it takes so long to research them I give up. I wish my psychologist didn't retire. She was no-nonsense lady. I want someone like her again. I don't like these "happy puppy rainbow" Ts who are really common in my aea. Plus they have to work around my work schedule.

But, good news, my work is hiring a real psychiatrist into the staff... so... I am really hoping she will let me set up a payment plan and I can go see her.

that sounds great. i hope that works out for you. sorry about your psychologist. this was how i am about researching therapists. it takes so long. now you see why i was having trouble finding one that one time and why i dont really wanna change (even tho i should).

Yeah, Newtus, I understand. It's hard. I've seen a child psychologist when I was around 11, 3 grief therapists in my teen years, (and one was terrible,) and then that anger management class when I really needed a psychologist or a psychiatrist, (but the lady was good just the wrong setting,) then a therapist about 6 months before my diagnosis. Then my psychologist when I was diagnosed and that was 2009 and nothing since then.

So, I'm trying to come up with this name for the villains of my story for a while now. Nothing seems to fit, or everything I come up with is a word that's actually used... hurray for all of our latin based languages (it isn't as dead of a language as you'd thing....) Anyway....

So my aunt suggested I look up Roman gods outside the familiar ones. I find this goddess who fits perfectly, Vito Puta is her name. So, haha, something with that. Then I google it and well there's now a Pizza place named that... From a Goddess with her own temple at the Forum to pizza....

Well, so I'm thinking something with "Victory" but I don't want to use Victors (because obviously that's a common name.) But, so I am trying to mix it up. So in my dull brain state I come up with Vitoren.... which is of course a cholesterol medication. LOL.... I couldn't stop laughing.

Once I played Age of Conan online and I made a big male barbaian character and I named him Lantus (which is a type of insulin.) That was fine in a game but not a story I hope to publish. LOL....

Glad you're feeling a bit better today junkDNA. How did your appt go?

Finances are so stressful!

Sorry you're struggling Faerie. Did you get around to getting a new mask to try out your Dad's CPAP machine? My Dad is finding his really helpful.

Nice to hear from you Cracking! Hope you're enjoying your time off work!

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you Faerie

There was a fire last night in my neighbour's garage. It was pretty big because there were petrol cans in the garage, but luckily his house is basically ok and ours is fine. It looked like some kids set some junk in the lane on fire and it spread to the garage, but unfortunately the garage isn't insured :/

Then my grandfather had to go to the GP for an emergency appt. They think he's got a kidney infection, which is making him even more confused than normal (he has dementia), so he's been told he has to stay with us for a bit or go into hospital. Tbh I'm not sure how much longer he'll be able to live on his own before he has to move in permanently. Anyway with all that going on, I wasn't able to go to the craft group at the MH centre, though that was a bit of a relief really cos I was scared to go.

*Willow*

Must be very scary to be searched like that. Are they searching to see if you are carrying anything to protect yourself?

It sure is quiet here this evening.

I'm here! Just reading. I've not felt very good today. Very shaky, lots of anxiety, and a terrible migraine. Despite feeling like poo I've taken medicine for the migraine and forced myself to get out and do stuff today. I've been so busy this week off that it's going by way too fast! Ugh!

my appoint ment went well. the pdoc and T decided to increase my risperidone shot to 25mg weekly and i get it tomorrw. they did a genetic test on me and it was interesting. T is caling me at 9pm to help me take my meds but the voices are telling me to lie to him about it. i think im just gonna tell him waht they are saying. my genetic test said that my liver breaks down the risperdal pills too fast which shows why sometimes they dnt work and why the injection is better for me. today was ok. im feeling better than i was last night. but the voices are still here.hopefully they will leave tomorrow when i get my shotbut it takes a while for the shot to kick in fully. we'll see. im so glad my T is supportive and helps me. he is the best T i have ever had and i value him a lot.