Roll Call 19

I feel the same way too.

No everyone the way my son treats me is nothing compared to an organization I was in where I was abused on every level. There is a woman who was in it for 37 yrs and tried to make it safer from the inside but nobody wanted to help and they shunned her, Well...She has money and now she's making a documentary about it. I'm so freaking happy. Her and I talk frequently her husband is a well known voice actor. Anyway I was hurt soooo badly in this organization and they cover up the abuses occurring in it. But not for long.....it WILL be exposed. It's such a long complicated story. I have to be careful though reading the news stories about ppl being abused in it. That's what led to my psychosis learning what I went through is just the tip of the iceberg. It's horrible ppl are being, raped, bullied, emotionally, spiritually, sexually exploited and abused. No it's not scientology. I don't feel comfortable saying what organization it is, maybe eventually I will. All I know is its sickening and I want it exposed, just so many ppl are being hurt including me. I will NEVER forget. It's not any mainstream religion. It's an organization that most ppl think is just some harmless support group.

that sounds horrible. i hope you tell us one day. when your ready! ok? ive been around some organizations and i wonder about them...

I'm doing ok just thinking about what it will take for this organization to be exposed and brought down. It makes me cry all the silent victims. And this organization just keeps covering it up.

Thank you newtus. It's so hard bc there are a whole bunch of websites exposing what's going on. I get obsessed with it. But I do feel I need to check in to see if any major news outlet is reporting on it. But my family doesn't want me involved in it at all. I do have to take breaks but it's just so upsetting. I needs to be exposed badly. They won't put any safety guidelines in place and they coerce teens to it and at the same time lovingly invite pedophiles and violent criminals to it. It really gets me upset. I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR THE DAY IT IS ALL EXPOSED!!

Newtus dancing in front of her cat.....
Now THAT would be a good yputube video....ha!

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That would be, lol. I think u should make YouTube videos newtus about struggling with sz. U are very unique and special. Sorry for being so corny. And I only mean that as a compliment. I so wish I knew u irl.

Hpw you dping now ertie.
Can you try to distract yourself?
Is it bad enough to tell your parents?
Were here for you.

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Yeah how are you erti?

thanks. i used to make youtube videos about having sz. i had over a million views and over 300 daily subscribers. it got so popular a cousin found me on youtube. i deleted it all in a psychotic espisode and regret it. but...idk what to do anymore . if i should start it back up or not. idk.

Yea you should.
Do it when your feeling good and when you have symptoms. Its helpful for others with sz to watch.

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Give advoce and describe your symptoms. People can relate. Ya know?

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yea i used to do that. maybe i should do it again. idk. im hesitant because im paranoid but it would be good to do it again. would you guys watch it if i did?

Im a really good.speler..
Its this dang keyboard and callused fingers giving me trouble. I play the guitar amd wprk with wire....ugg

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heres one i did while psychotic



its kinda weird.

Um...YEA.
It would be great.

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That sounds terrible sunshine! So sorry you went through all that. How long were you in this organization?

No. This is really good. Most people.do videos when they are feeling somewhat normal which doesnt really help. This is excellent Newtus. Its.REAL.
It shows what sz is like. Well done.

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LOL did you watch it?

ima do another one for you guys. because im kinda having symptoms. but thing is i THINK i will start some videos again. actually for the sake of this forum. and for the people of this forum. and my blog.

i seem kinda manic right now but it might be cuz im off my meds a bit.

I think u should, unless it's aggravates ur symptoms.

And btw everyone my son wasn't in that organization. I was from 19-26. I've been out quite awhile but it affected me on so many levels. And it's so frustrating bc ppl are still being hurt and this organization just covers it up. Also ppl aren't as supportive about the abuse I went through in it. It was institutional abuse and I really think unless you've been in it it's hard to understand. The woman making the documentary wants me in it bc my experience was so bad. But I don't feel comfortable doing it. I know it could help others maybe come forward but then u have to deal with the abusive ppl that will do anything to not have this exposed. With my bp and ptsd I don't think I can handle it. The woman making the documentary is so strong. U wouldn't believe the abuse she has/is dealing with getting this out. Anyway... And I've done major therapy on it. It's just still really upsetting when I know right now some young pretty girl or boy is being abused. They go after the young u see. Ok I should try and think about something else.

Yeah I would watch it. It would be really interesting.

I understand.

I hope one day you will give us the chance to get to know you better. I hope you'll trust us enough to tell us what this organization is so that we can be aware and warn others.

No worries Punky we can still understand what you are saying.

For seven years, I was forced into it but stayed. It was a horrid experience. When I saw a therapist through the college she was like u don't ever have to go back. I was really brainwashed but was dealing with horrible abuse from ppl in this organization. I was scared to leave but I did with the help of her. It still haunts me.

I am very sorry that you went through this. I am glad the therapist was able to help you get out