please help me find out what this means

I am 17 years old and I've been suffering form severe depression for 3 years. I also have usual panic attacks. Quite a lot of times, ever since I was little, I get paranoid and believe that everyone I know is against me and want me dead, or that there are paranormal beings around me, trying to hurt me. This period is very hard for me and I have very intense suicidal thoughts which I find very hard to fight. Most of the time I feel like I'm losing touch with reality. For example, I was out last night and walking alone. For no reason at all I was heading to a place where I thought two people where seating, and I realized I was alone just as I started talking to them. Two days ago I got really paranoid (not sure if this is the right word) and I thought my brother had been possessed by a demon and my father was about to kill me with a knife. I felt desperate, alone and afraid. This isn't the first time this has happened. For a few years now I've been seeing and hearing a lot of weird things too. Like, many times, when I walk the road down my house I see dead people inside cars. But right now, it's really awful, I feel like I'm losing touch with reality more and more, especially since my depression got worse (I was actually getting better but it got bad again). I don't feel safe with or without people and I'm afraid I'm not able to fight this time and get through it. I'm tired. Please help me.

That sounds really distressing for you, if I were you I would make an appointment with your GP and try to get reffered to a psychiatrist, at least then you'd be in the system and people would be able to look out for you. I know trusting people is scary, but contacting professionals is the best way for it to stop. Please take care of yourself.

There is the possibility of psychotic depression since you say you're very depressed. I agree, you should see someone about this or at least tell someone you trust. You don't have to be alone in this.

I have been going to a psychiatrist for three years and I'm seeing her on Thursday but I don't really trust her. It might sound crazy but I think she doesn't want me to get better but worse...

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I thought another this too and it really scares me. I have talked about this to my brother and my best friend and right now I know they are there for me but there are times I can't trust even them.

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I am in a similar situation. I have been seeing a psychiatrist and his assistant for the last 4 yrs. It is not voluntary.. I have to see him because I am under a community treatment order. And I feel like he doesn't want me to get better but wants me to get worse. I am going to ask for a change of psychiatrist next time I see them.

You just need to remember if you realize that its not there then you are one step ahead of the game. I still hallucinate but am at the point where i know its my mind playing tricks on me because of lack of sleep ect. My paranoia is still super bad... So I got a lizard. I know it sounds silly but for me, having another living being that has no judgment no words just sits is helpful. I would honestly reccomend you talking to someone. You dont want to end up doing something that you'd regret or that would harm yourself in anyway. Just remember you are not alone and there is a way out of this. Stay as positive as you can and reach out to those who you know won't respond rashly. Like to this forum. There are also a bunch of hotlines they help with guiding you in the right direction. I would reccomend one of those obviously if safety is involved it is no longer anonymous so remember that. Good luck to you and stay safe.

"I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination"

=)

I definitely recommend talking to your GP and seeing another pdoc if that would make yoi feel safer and what about a regular therapist as well? I find them to be more down to earth and easier to talk to than pdocs. You're not alone. May angels surround you.

I find therapists easier to talk to too. Are you taking any medications?

thank you all very much for responding. I'm going to my psychiatrist in a few hours and I'll try to talk to her about it.

Yes, I'm on antidepressants and anxiolytics.