Roll Call 24

You don't really have to distance yourself as long as you stop her from saying things that trigger you. Tell her what the rules are (like no talk about weight), and then stick to controlling it. You need to train her. And I guarantee you that she will start treating you with more respect, and you will feel a ton less fragile.

I'd recommend that you do whatever it takes to get rid of the symptoms. They are torturing you day and night. You have described how unhappy you are, that you can't take it anymore, that the voices won't leave you alone, the paranoia is constant, and you have times where homicidal/suicidal thoughts scare you. Fat and an absence of that tortured existence sounds peaceful.

Lol. Newt, we have the same bday.

I'm having a drink. I know maybe not the best idea on the meds but I don't do it that often and I'm only having a couple. I need a break from life for a little bit.

i feel like im being watched by the police and every thing i say and do is being tracked

Are you going out tonight?

I haven't seen any posts from her. I do hope she is doing better.

You're not though, I promise. Do u trust that?

Idk, I've been invited but I really can't afford it. And the person that invited me I think is interested in more than just friends. Even though I've told him I just wanna be friends.

Something uncomformed this way over here. Did you see that wondering around holes and lines? Repeated and anguish. All to feel and say. Mostly think.

I totally understand. I'm spending my night in front of the tv

I'm not much into tv. I shouldn't be so picky I suppose now that I've gained all this weight, but I can't fake attraction u know.

I wish I liked tv more. I only mainly watch pbs and survivor.

I might check out Netflix though. But I feel like being social.

I hear ya! I think it's good for you to get out and be social if you feel up to it.

Newt, what side of ur parents is Hispanic?

I'm 1/4 Native American 1/4 Spanish and 1/2 Caucasian. My dad was white and my mom the other. It's probably not unusual in Texas but where I'm at its mainly just white ppl, lol.

I know, I wish I had some girlfriends to go out with. I have girlfriends but they don't really go out. And then I'm afraid to make new friends bc I'm embarrassed about the bipolar.

Newtus - If I can appeal to your logic, there are not enough police to do that. They can barely keep up with the big obvious crimes. No manpower or time to watch you or keep track of what you do and say 24/7.

I have isolated myself. I have no friends to go out with. I had one but she betrayed my trust so I only talk to her maybe once or twice a month now. I no longer go out with her. I prefer hanging out at home with Daisy.

Yeah I've isolated myself too. The friends I have I made in mental health groups.

I need a dog. But I want a big one like a lab or a boxer, (I would love to have a husky or German shepherd or countless other breeds, but they need a lot of training)

I can't afford any dog right now and I want them to have a big backyard to run around in. One day hopefully. I'm glad u have Daisy.

Newt, are u doing ok?

I hope you'll be able to get a big dog soon. Daisy is a fat little Chihuahua who thinks she's a big dog! Lol! She is great and has helped me tremendously. She follows me every step and cries to go with me when I leave. She is my best friend

I was wondering where she went....

Yeah she was talking about police. I hope she's ok.

Well I did get ready and put makeup on. But I think I'll just stay in. What's on tv tonight? Anything good?

You should go and enjoy yourself! I'm just listening to Dateline while I'm on PC. I don't think there's anything good on tonight.

It shows that Newtus is still on. Maybe she's just reading for now.

But I get really annoyed when guys try and manipulate me. I don't really like this guy. This Malibu rum is pretty good though.

Yeah it's best that you not put yourself into an uncomfortable situation. If you were going out with a group of people it would be easier to avoid the guy's manipulation.

What are ur kids doing tonight? How many kids do u have? My son is just hanging out with his friend in his room, playing video games and watching YouTube. They are so silly....