Roll Call 27

My pdoc wore scrubs once to an office visit and I was like---what? Did he just feel like wearing PJs today or did someone throw up on him?

really paranoid today. and anxious. i was hearing voices last night. they were just mumbling to me. a mans voice. it sounded like a radio tuner was on. ugh i feel so paranoid omg and i have to leave my house.

I'm so bored today. I've got way too much time on my hands. Too much time to think and I'm getting depressed. I sure hate these feelings.

I'm really sorry you are having such struggles lately. I too am slipping down the rabbit hole. It sucks.

I have the same problems. But I get where I'm afraid to leave the house. I'm soooo embarrassed about my weight. I need to start walking and moving but it's gonna hurt. I think I was taken too far down on my meds. Usually in the summer I'm manic as hell. I miss it. But now that I'm medicated...It's different. If I drove I would go volunteer at the animal shelter or like a homeless shelter. Idk, I have got to get groceries today. We're out of everything... How do we get out of this funk?

I'm sorry that you are struggling also. I've got to force myself to get out of my apartment today too. I've got to take both of my daughters to work. I've been doing laundry this morning. I have to at least feel like I've done something today. I don't have much motivation today. I feel myself slipping down the rabbit hole. These feelings suck!

ive usually been doing ok but past week my anxiety and paranoia has been hell

And I would like to post on the bp forum about all this, but honestly they annoy the hell outta me. They're so dramatic and just not interesting and think they're so intelligent. It's been proven that bp ppl are no more intelligent or creative than the average person. When we're manic we just think we are, lol. I just don't want to deal with them. Ugh!! I'm irritable too as u can tell, lol.

I'm sorry I'm struggling with some anxiety too. I kept waking up with my heart beating out of my chest. It just sucks!

You know you can post here with us anytime

I'm feeling paranoid too. But I'm trying not to take my ap. Are u taking your meds?

When I feel like this I wish I had meds to make it all go away. But I am so afraid of them.

For me it got bad enough that I had to take them. I don't like taking aps but I'm not afraid of ads, what are u afraid of?

yea ive been takig mine but havent took them today and debating whether i should or not cuz i been drinking alcohol already today.

I hope I'm not one of the ones you're thinking of. I post there occasionally but the drama and childishness makes me irritated too. I mean, when I was in my early 20's my life was constant drama and I have no desire to return to that. I lost too many friends. I don't post there a lot because I don't want to make people feel bad because most of what I have to say there is harsh.

I don't post in the BP forum often because it's just too damn busy for me to keep up with a lot of the time. Though I did post last night about the manic episode I'm having because it's tipped over into psychotic mania which... yeah, that's been fun. [/not]

I'm irritable as hell right now too, hahahahaha.

I gained a lot of weight years ago from taking them and I also had really bad side effects. That was when I was misdiagnosed with Bi-Polar. Which I am not.

It is hot here today. It feels so weird to be outside. I stayed inside all day yesterday watching episodes of Orange Is the New Black.

I was suppose to try to see a therapist this summer. I am still considering it. But I am afraid.

i think you should. i saw this other therapist 1 time and i just told him he was too far to keep seein g and he said thats ok and gave me more tips in an email he sent me

My anxiety is worse - because I have no abilify.
So am I getting my depot next week, no I'm not - because I want abilify.

so your gonna be noncompliant? is that what you mean?

What are you afraid of?

Opening up to a total stranger and being honest about what is really going on inside my head. I'm afraid of the reaction I might receive and I'm afraid of the diagnosis I might receive. I know I am not bi-polar but years ago the therapist I had just wanted to throw that at me and be done. I don't want to go through that again. I do want to know what is really wrong with me but I am also very afraid to know.

Do they have abilify maintena over there? It's a depot version of abilify---maybe they would let you switch?

Schizophrenia Treatment and Medication | Abilify Maintena® (aripiprazole)