Roll Call 27

I haven't been tiptoeing....

i could prob call her but i would only get to talk to the receptionist.

maybe i just felt like it was different. i just dont want o be a problem but if you guys dont think i am then thank you

omg you guys i have to see this movie.

Sometimes it's better that they know there are issues so they don't have to come up with a plan on the spot...my doc would call something in for me in this scenario...

She is my favorite! She is so funny! I can't wait to see this!

Can't you call in the morning?

Also.. I'm wondering if taking it at the same time every day makes the meds more stable in your body... levels off the therapeutic dose. Anyway, your symptoms taking a while to go away might be because of that. Most meds aren't 'immediate'

Tell the receptionist that you need the doctor to call you back because your symptoms are becoming a problem. I can't imagine that a psychiatrist would refuse to talk to a patient who is having a problem. It would only be a 5 min. phone call, and most docs consider calling patients back as part of their normal day.

My arm is bothering me, symptoms otherwise are managed, been doing alot of music and art

Got to go out a lot this week.
So I don't know if I'll end up doing something.

I really need to go see the police, but I'm scared.

Had a rough day at work last night, had a few creepy hallucinations, but my friend helped calmed me via text. I opened up to one of my friends about myself a while ago and they don't think it's weird or anything which I find surprising. I'm glad there are nice people out there and that I found a few.

well the voices came back yesterday and i had to go to work so that was really hard. T called me yesterday night to help me take my meds. i met with T today. it went well. i told T that i was really paranoid on saturday. i thought my new neighbor had installed cameras in my apartment. i was too scared to use the bathroom here so i went to the gas station to use their bathroom. because i thought the cameras were watching me. it was a bad day but T helped a lot with texting me and reassuring me.

im off today. i feel ok. T and i are meeting with pdoc tomorrow. i started taking 250mg metformin 2x a day yesterday. so far my head feels fine. not like it did when i first took 250mg. so i think weaning up on it helped. its really hot outside. it was so hot yesterday that when i went on break my car temp was 101F and my cell phone was saying i should take the battery out because it was overheated.

T asked me what im gonna do to take care of myself on my day off today. i told him i was going to watch the new season of Toddlers and Tiaras on netflix. he was like um, what? that show is still on? lol.

That sucks junkDNA---I hope your new meds get worked out better soon....

hearing voices today again. and some paranoia. i wanted to go somewhere today but i dont have the guts to leave the house. plus paranoia is stopping me. i get my mri done tomorrow morning. im a little nervous.

ive been smoking almost a pack a day cigarettes. i hate that. i went from a few a day to almost a pack a day.

Bean and I went with my sister and neice to the beach south of Corpus Cristie,TX.

Saw the oil refineries. Their as big as a large city. As matter of fact, driving past them in the dark, I thought it was a city with a ton of sky scrapers.lol. Funny.

We camped on the island and set our tents up right on the beach. It was awesome. The waves are huge and the water was WARM!

Having been born and raised in New England where the ocean water is so cold year round, it was amazing to have water so warm and waves taller than me. We spent hours body surfing.

Got to see glowing seaweed at night too.
Full moon and oil rigs way out in the Gulf of Mexico...
CACTUS and PALM TREES...a great time.

Got wicked sunburn though. I usually cover up and stay under an umbrella to protect my tattoos but I was a rebel this time. Now Im paying for it. Lol

punky

That sounds awesome---glad things are going better for you guys!

thanx im feeling a lot better now. we are gonna come up with a plan for next month when the shot starts wearing out again.

Well all I feel is confusion today. I don't know what I'm supposed to believe. I trust my boyfriend. But things are really conflicting for me right now. When I questioned my psychiatrist and my care coordinator if they were spies. They said they weren't. My psychiatrist even pointed out an ID badge that he was wearing. He said he didn't know how to be a spy. My boyfriend said that they're not spies. But the voices insist that they are. I'm trapped. No way out. I can't escape this confusion.

They've changed my meds to abilify in liquid form that I have to take orally. I'm not really into the idea of taking it. One of the side effects is death. It's like they're trying to kill me. Another side effect is being suicidal. I've just gotten over a rough patch like that. I don't want to go back to trying to end it all again. But my boyfriend wants me to try it. He said I'll get better. And sure they've put me on a tiny dose, but I don't trust them. They could be spies and they could have fooled my boyfriend. I just... I just can't trust them. Not one bit.

I was on abilify and while there can be some side effects it didn't make me suicidal or anything---the most common negative effect is wanting to move more to the point of being uncomfortable if you aren't moving but I didn't really have that. You can always change to something else if it doesn't work out for you....

ugh i joined a facebook group for alumni from the abusive treatment facility i was in when i was a teenager. all it did was trigger me. i saw some of the staffs facebooks. a few years ago one of the staff contacted me on facebook basically apologizing for all the abuse. i dont know why i continue to search for things that trigger me. i guess i think i can handle it but now i know that i cant. i do this with my former T too, by looking him up on the internet. it never works out but i never seem to learn the lesson.

Hi ,

The meds seem to be workn very well . In that you dont become symptomatic until they wear off . Is that right? What med is that? And how are the side effects , cheers

yeah i lasted almost a whole month with no symptoms. im on the invega sustenna shot. i get it once a month.. the only side effect i have is raised prolatin levels. but im taking metformin to see if it reverses that.

I don't know sometimes I think we do this to desensitize ourselves---I never had anything that bad happen but I know just with the idea that I could have schizophrenia I found stuff triggering at first---you know they always have either a neutral picture of a brain with an article or what I call a "crazy" face and it was kind of sz roulette what you would get, that and even books they have either a positive spin or call it the most devastating illness etc. I can't say I liked seeing the more negative articles but these days it's like nothing---I think to an extent I was armoring myself so that I was already exposed to the worst I could imagine and already had time to deal with it on my own. I think it's actually just a part of processing. I also think it's a kind of ownership like what people did with the word queer----it tended to be pretty negative but you can reformulate it so it doesn't have the same vibe. I wonder if you're doing the same thing, kind of like dipping your toe in the lake and then slowly going out farther until your acclimated.

I can't even go to the police, because its going to mess up my appeal.
Not that my appeal will really matter if something does happen.

Then again my Dr could recall me back to hospital when she realises I haven't took my medication, I could call the police from there I guess.

Why dont you want to take your meds KUREHA.
If it keeps you out of hospital, jail and alive it may be worth just taking it. But I know the side effects suck.

I wish there were a simple solution my friend.

When is your appeal?

punky