Roll Call 27

So tomorrow I will be seeing my pdoc and getting these meds tapered up hopefully
maybe it will help.I have been thinking something is after me so I have been afraid of going outside lately.

i didnt know you lived in texas

Don't you remember she said she did when we had that Medicare discussion...

A story about an owl and a stick... And how we're fighting the good fight by asking for help....it's about suicide thus the trigger icon but I think it's relevant for all of us that got help for anything ever...

http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net...NXEze_700b.jpg

Wow that hits deep thanks for sharing.

I had a blood test at my local doctors today. Finally I had a nurse who knew what she was doing and got it right the first time. Though I didn't trust her completely. When I got home I felt my arm for a tracking chip. There wasn't one there. That means she's not one of them. It's just the people posing as my MH team who I need to be wary of.

i frgot. i forget a lot sorry

No worries

i slept 11 hours! yay! feel so much better. and im off today. woohoo

I do! Gulf coast. Where are you again? A small town near McKinney?

yea a small town near mckinney. i go into mckinney tho to do my shopping. groceries whatever. i goto plano or frisco to go clothes shopping. which they are 30 min away or so. i extremely rarely goto dallas. maybe if i goto a museum.

my pdoc said ill have to be on meds for the rest of my life. i wish she was a pdoc that didnt have that kind of mentality. i would like to go off someday and be symptom free.

that sucks. i dont believe that at all. my T constantly tells me that there is a possibility to be med free and healthy. thats what i mean about the medical model. some doctors are just old fashioned and close minded. but its not like one day ill be fine and never be psychotic again. it comes with a lot of work in therapy and involves other lifestyle changes.

yea. definitely lifestyle changes and therapy. i feel like i need a lot more help than im getting.

I think a whole lot of people need more help than they are getting----we focus as a society on what's effective enough to contain the problem rather than the best overall solution. Most of the people who get "cured" get off meds within the first 2 years of their treatment-----even if we disregarded the fact that treating people to cure them is ethically correct, financially if people got the care and support they needed in the first 2 years and didn't become chronically ill or disabled the financial savings for society would be huge. Not only would people be happy and living their lives which is what we should strive for there would be a cost savings. The problem is nobody wants to spend the costs up front. The only place I could see this money coming from is medicare/medicaid or ssi/ssdi as a preventative program. Individual insurance companies don't benefit as they won't be your provider if you can't work---that gets you off of their care and so they aren't worried about long term costs or developing programs that work. If anything happens to improve treatment its going to have to be at a government level. Even private disability insurance doesn't cover mental illness or covers it in a trivial manner such as a two year limit so there are no cost savings for the private sector and by the time the government gets involved in care its often past the point where early interventions have been proven most effective. The whole system sucks unless you have some sort of connections or enough $$$$ for the best.

I have my second audition at 6 pm today. I'm not sure what I'll have to do, it's a surprise, they don't want me to know. All I know is it will involve the piano, but I'm thinking they'll want me to play something I've written, and maybe improvise a few things on the spot. The position I'm auditioning for will be someone who writes music and plays it as underscoring to a theatre production, kind of like those old-timey silent movie theatres that had a piano player.

Also I'm hoping I'll have a chance to arrange some music for a choir/the cast sings. I've been working on a lot of acapella lately. This is one I finished yesterday - it's computer-generated voices, I wish I had a real choir.

https://soundcloud.com/rex1983/perfe...nt-rex-jackson

That's cool theatrekid----I like it a lot----that sounds like a great job too!

Think I'm getting recalled tomorrow, don't know which hospital, so that's just fantastic.
Trying to convince my dr I'm not sick, didn't work either.

Okay so I ate one VERY SMALL piece of chocolate cheese cake and now I feel sick. Bummer. I can't eat that stuff, it's like it's too good or something because every time I eat it I get sick. When will I learn my lesson... lol.

I've totally been there with trying to convince my doctors that I'm not sick. It's never worked out very well for me either.

I have a gf on skype and we will meet in the summer I\m still afraid but schizotypal can suck it

It sucks, I think I just convinced her more and made it worse.

todays a boring day

Today has been a good day I woke up at 8am and got a lot of stuff done today. I find that I feel better when I stay busy doing stuff. I'm getting some motivation back finally.

i was just thinking back to when i weighed 180 pounds i could wear my own dads belt and it was still almost too small for me. im so glad those days are behind me and i hope to lose these 30 pounds.