Roll Call 27

How many hours are u ahead of me? What helps when I'm unmotivated is to write a list and do the easiest thing on it. Then slowly mark off the things I've accomplished. Don't know if that helps.

It's 2:35am right now. Making a list is a great idea! I need to do that.

I just need to motivate myself to write the list

Being off work with no structure in my day is not good for me. I've been staying up way too late and sleeping in way too late. I've gotta get it together before it gets worse!

it was in the 80s. and its really hot in the store

I bought a 2010 honda fit

I have the same symptoms at night, I suffer from anxiety disorders and the only thing that helps is xanax. I often gasp for breathe at night because my panic attacks get so bad.

The people posing as my MH team haven't contacted me these week so far. I'm onto them. They're up to something. I wonder when I should confront them. Perhaps at their next visit. I'm just so on edge right now. I can't keep pretending that everything is normal when it's far from that.

Yeah it could be a temperature regulation thing due to your AP...tell them you need ice water or maybe even a fan....it is much easier to die from heatstroke when you are on APs so if you feel bad make sure you get it dealt with rather than trying to endure...

went to pdoc today. i checked and she said my diagnosis is schizophrenia not schizoaffective. we previously agreed on takig 2mg in the morning and 5mg at night of haldol. but then today she said i need to take the full 10mg a day. ugh. i told her about the celexa and she dropped it back to 20mg. anyway i just tried to told her everything i was dealing with. as we were leaving she weirdly stopped is us in the hallway of the building to talk to my dad. she pulled him aside back inside the office and closed the door on me. ugh. so i heard nothing they said. i tried to put my ear in the crack of the door but i couldnt hear.

im thinking maybe ur right. i felt really hot when it was happening. ive been feeling warm a lot recently.

That's weird that she would talk to your dad separately----she didn't want to switch to a different AD---I thought the celexa basically wasn't working...

Yeah I used to have a lot of trouble in the summer---I needed a hat to be outside to block the sun and some ice water with me or I could hit a point where I just had to stop moving because I felt like I might pass out or something---this was on abilify so it might be because you started that med although they can all cause it...

I considered getting one of those personal coolers that blow air on your neck because I didn't want to be unable to enjoy the summer...

it wasnt working until she gave me 40mg but then it made me react bad.

oh well i wont see her for another month now

i skipped T this morning. i only slept 4 hours last night. been up since 3 30. i texted him and said i was too tired. he said to take care of myself. i hope this isnt becoming a pattern. i had severe insomnia in summer 2012. it drove me CRAZY. it always seems to happen in the summer. i have a harder time in the summer. i feel bad for missing T cuz i always like to meet with him. but i felt it wouldnt be productive because im running on fumes.

i was also getting pretty confused and not remembering things. like this woman wanted me to give her larger bills for like 40 one dollar bills and a bunch of change. i kept counting and counting and adding it up but once i counted one thing i counted the coins and then i forgot how many dollars there were. i did it like 6 times and eventually just guessed and gave her some 20s.

I just got a call back about my audition and they want me to come back for another audition where I will play the piano for them. They might want me to write music and play it in the show.

Yeah me too.

SometimesP have u heard of people taking the drug Comtan (its supposed to be for Parkinsons) for psychosis? I take 200mg a day. im not that sure what it does tho. i think its supposed to increase the good kind of dopamine

So I had not heard of this----I wonder if it was based on your genetic analysis? You really do have the best of care

Anyway I looked it up and its a COMT inhibitor. So in some parts of the brain COMT controls the breakdown of dopamine but its tricky because both too much and too little dopamine are bad---there are two variants of COMT met/met and val/val or the heteozygote val/met. The val/met is considered normal but either met/met or val/val increases your risk of schizophrenia. I have val/val there and what that normally means is you do well in stressful situations like exams etc because you rapidly clear dopamine under stress you probably do better under stress than in your day to day---I have zero idea how that leads to increased sz but it does and even treatment resistant forms. The alternative is met/met under day to day conditions you perform amazing but give a standardized test and you will freak out and likely do worse than usual because your brain is flooded with dopamine...it's more clear to me how this leads to sz due to the dopamine hypothesis.

I'm thinking you must have the val/val variant that clears too quickly and they are wanting to slow it down a bit so you look more like the heterozygote. Thing is it probably also helps with some of the side effects for the meds that are due to dopamine inhibition---things like shaking but also cognition etc.

Anyway I think that's super cool...thanks for telling me about it....if I find out more I'll let you know.

yes PDOC said i have val/val. the genetic test said that. Thanks so much for ur response!!!!

im debating whether or not to leave my house to get cigarettes

I'd say go get them. You don't want nicotine withdrawal on top of everything else.

back from the store. i got them. i wanna try and quit smoking but i just cant and it makes me sorta sad to hear my dad constantly asking me "when are you going to quit those?".

Here is a picture of me just in case anyones ever wondered what I look like.I made it black and white.usually my hair is dark brown dyed black and my skin tone is very pale.I have blue grey eyes.