Roll Call 41

I've been thinking it's easier to keep your friends through the first 30% of life. In the 2nd 30% worse things happen and can tear your life apart. The resulting strain causes rifts from resentment as your friends are often too busy to make time anymore. The last 30% you spend seeing more old friends die off, if you live that long. The final 10% you usually spend without anyone close anymore.

im up early. i cant sleep. but im not tired.
at least im home finally.

caffeine withdrawal must cause depression and sleepiness because lately I haven't been out of bed and I've been depressed. I had my mom buy pop and I took a drink and instant happiness.

Could be sugar too...?

Afternoon all!

Back in my flat now... all is relatively well despite not sleeping well & being stressed this morning. Had some delusions and stuff but back to base now apart from my voices being around a little more. Fun!

Erti my body responds really well to caffeine so caffeine withdrawal is a very real and forceful phenomenon for me. It can take me weeks to get used to no caffeine in the morning.

hi Loial! Hope you enjoy being back in your flat. maybe go on the pull and make good use of it haha!

I haven't had anything caffeinated for a while until now. I feel pretty good now.

just saw my therapist at the clinic. i actually talked more this time. but we talked about my mom and my aunts passing.

i get to see her next week.

Did you have to have your dad in there? It's good that you're talking to her more.

I think right now I'm more likely to pull a muscle in my back than a girl...

I'm off over to my friend's flat this evening though, so making some alright use of the time.

thats progress newtus, well done!

no pain no gain loial. one of my favourite chat up lines is im wobbly at the knees, its never a lie!

handed in an essay today and then realised I'd done it wrong so that's bumming me out a bit. on the other hand there's nothing I can do about it now. seeing my cpn on weds and telling her that I don't want to be on the depot anymore. I'm very nervous about it she will definitely try and convince me to take it. last time I saw her we had a massive argument and part of me never wants to see her again because I was so offended by what she said. guna have to suck it up and deal with her.

yea i did have to. that sucked. but w/e

i also got to get a refill on my xanax!!!

hows everyone? my dad was off for 5 days for the funeral including today. i went to my therapist and then went to target and petsmart. my sister is supposed to come over later.

How are you doing newt? <hugs>

I have discovered the joy of alcohol. Alcoholic drinks that taste of fizzy fruit juice. It is so wonderful.

I'm glad you had a better day today, newtus.

Yes, I love those! Can't tolerate alcohol much anymore but I remember those wonderful drinks.

im a little better. thanks for asking.
im still thinking about my aunt. but talking about it helps a bit.

I don't feel so well. My stupid emotions just get in the way of everything. I'm not a good person. I know you all will disagree because I'm very nice on the surface, but the things that go on in my mind...my motives are far from pure, and I have so much anger and animosity towards some people who have done nothing but be kind to me, simply because I'm jealous of them.



I wish I were stronger, kinder, smarter, and overall more successful. I don't feel like it will ever change.

And I'm listening to this gorgeous song (a cover of "Jesse's Girl" by Mary Lambert)

and thinking about the only woman I've ever been in love with, who is straight (or at least pretends to be) and is married to a man.

Yay cyber Monday! I have maybe 1 small thing left to get for my dad but am done other than that....

I got my sister a pack of margarita mixes from williams Sonoma....key lime, strawberry, mango-passion fruit and pomegranate cherry. Sounds really good too bad I dont drink

Then she is also getting some succulent plants. Got my dad a couple of CDs and an organic spice set for my friend...then I got me some new pants....all in all a good day....

i put that i got a flu shot on my facebook and someone on my facebook said "you were flipping out about that dentist putting something in your teeth and you go and get a flu shot?!"

It's 6:50am here and I've hardly slept at all. Ffs this is guna mess with my weight loss now. Was hoping to lose some more but I bet I haven't

It's 1:54 am. I napped a lot last evening. Now I'm not sure what to do. I doubt I can sleep anymore.