[Secretum]

That your delusions/pre-delusions would seem strange to outsiders. This isn't to say that you don't think they're true, just that you recognize that most people wouldn't agree that they're true.

I'm wondering because my t said the last time I saw her that some schizophrenics have really good insight and can tell when they are psychotic. I'm curious because I've had times where I had some strange beliefs, but I don't know if I'd call them delusions because I knew that they were weird. For example, I thought I was a demon with superpowers for several months a year ago. I knew better than to tell my doctor about them, for fear that my zyprexa would be increased. So I obviously knew that she would think it was delusional, even though I didn't.

My t then went on to say some stuff that I really didn't agree with, like that despite sz having a strong biological basis, patients can have some control over their symptoms with willpower. So I don't know how much she really knows about psychosis, despite being an excellent t otherwise.

[Sometimes psychotic]

hard to tell so my voices told me not to tell people about what was going on so I didn't and I assumed people would deny the truth.....the organization was secret so we would be denied if we told anyone. So episode 1 I though everything was true but that others would deny it out of secrecy....episode two was mild and I coulda spot the delusions rapidly within 30 minutes so they never really developed. I don't think they consider episode 2 actual psychosis I think it was considered subthreshold.

[Atypical_Disaster]

When I'm "delusional"(which is just about constantly according to every doctor I've ever seen, pfft) I have zero insight apparently, I don't think my beliefs are strange at all. To me they make perfect sense and if people don't take me seriously I end up calling them crazy.

[neil w]

What is your prognosis Atypical? Im the same way and ive seen some very depressing notes about my prognosis with this.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by neil w

What is your prognosis Atypical? Im the same way and ive seen some very depressing notes about my prognosis with this.

My prognosis is pretty bleak. Suits me fine, I don't have any issues with proving all my doctors wrong. I just live my life the best I can. One day at a time and all that jazz.

[neil w]

The delusions are really my biggest struggle with the illness. for most of my life i didnt know i was delusional and things were really grand. now im trying to accept that im delusional but its really just an intellectual exercise, deep down i still fully believe in my experiences and i just keep making excuses for why things dont add up now. its really only since ive been struggling to accept my experiences as delusional that my mental health has declined. in my case i think ignorance was bliss, the more i struggle to come to terms with it all the less well i fare.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by neil w

The delusions are really my biggest struggle with the illness. for most of my life i didnt know i was delusional and things were really grand. now im trying to accept that im delusional but its really just an intellectual exercise, deep down i still fully believe in my experiences and i just keep making excuses for why things dont add up now. its really only since ive been struggling to accept my experiences as delusional that my mental health has declined. in my case i think ignorance was bliss, the more i struggle to come to terms with it all the less well i fare.

Ditto. Ignorance was bliss for me as well. Now, knowing that I'm not well... it's just... Sigh, I don't know.

[Angelique67]

It's still hard to believe that voice was in my head but I have to accept that it was and is. I still hear it but more quietly and for shorter periods. It's very upsetting this all happened.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

It's still hard to believe that voice was in my head but I have to accept that it was and is. I still hear it but more quietly and for shorter periods. It's very upsetting this all happened.

Yeah, my whole world kind of came apart at the seams in early 2013 because I finally got some insight right before and while I was in the hospital in late February that year(still don't know how or why it happened). My insight comes and goes now. I can recognize that other people don't hear the voices I hear now, but to me they're still real. So my insight is still "impaired" according to my treatment team.

[newtus]

im the same way as atypical.

all my doctors ive since have said my prognosis is pretty bad. that ill always be like this. many doctors have recommended my parents put me in a state facility or residential treatment center for many years. the social workers at my clinic said im so bad i would get disability quickly. and well i did. i got in 2 1/2 months with no lawyer. first time application.

doctors have many times attempted to send me to residential treatment centers and state hospital for years but usually my parents got me out of those situations. even after turning 18 the doctors still relied heavily on my parents for my decisions. like my therapist im seeing now - she wont let me come in unless im with my dad.

i actually dont feel delusional really. like i dont feel like im "bad" or whatever as far as delusions go. but im told i am delusional all the time. by family and people on facebook that i know and by my doctor and stuff. etc.

i obsess a great deal and have many beliefs regarding government and religion and the supernatural and world and social events.

im really just a heartbeat away from another hospitalization. probably state hospital too.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by newtus

im the same way as atypical.

all my doctors ive since have said my prognosis is pretty bad. that ill always be like this. many doctors have recommended my parents put me in a state facility or residential treatment center for many years. the social workers at my clinic said im so bad i would get disability quickly. and well i did. i got in 2 1/2 months with no lawyer. first time application.

doctors have many times attempted to send me to residential treatment centers and state hospital for years but usually my parents got me out of those situations. even after turning 18 the doctors still relied heavily on my parents for my decisions. like my therapist im seeing now - she wont let me come in unless im with my dad.

i actually dont feel delusional really. like i dont feel like im "bad" or whatever as far as delusions go. but im told i am delusional all the time. by family and people on facebook that i know and by my doctor and stuff. etc.

i obsess a great deal and have many beliefs regarding government and religion and the supernatural and world and social events.

im really just a heartbeat away from another hospitalization. probably state hospital too.

The words "state hospital" have been tossed at me too. How bothersome. But yeah I can relate, every doctor I've ever seen has told me my prognosis is pretty bad. I'm glad I'm naturally optimistic, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have a firm belief that things will get better for me.

I got on disability first try, too. People told me to be prepared to have to get a lawyer and such because most people get denied the first time around. Not for me. I must be bad off if even social security sees it so plainly. Sheesh.

[newtus]

as far as voices - earlier this year i got good at telling if some were voices or not. and about november of 2014 im just lost. idk if what im hearing anymore is real or not. i truly dont know because of my beliefs in the supernatural and government like mk ultra.

i truly believe and have evidence to back up that im a targeted individual and have been targeted by police and other non-law enforcement. and at the same time i have beliefs that god has called me to be a messenger and the dead give me messages and so do angels tell me to hurt and take down this world. and other big stuff i may shouldnt mention...

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

The words "state hospital" have been tossed at me too. How bothersome. But yeah I can relate, every doctor I've ever seen has told me my prognosis is pretty bad. I'm glad I'm naturally optimistic, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have a firm belief that things will get better for me.

I got on disability first try, too. People told me to be prepared to have to get a lawyer and such because most people get denied the first time around. Not for me. I must be bad off if even social security sees it so plainly. Sheesh.

yea.
like this social worker when i first went to this clinic told my dad basically that i was going to have pretty bad schizophrenia for the rest of my life and all this stuff and that i need to go on disability immediately. i dont remember all she said because this was like a year and half ago.

but if i was taking medicine i wouldnt have an optimistic outlook for myself and i would have the drive and motivation i do - if i was on meds. on meds im really suicidal and no motivation basically. but then again off meds im getting in trouble more with citizens or police and definitely online lol - stuff like that - because of what i believe and i say it. i say things that ...well..can get me in trouble i guess. but i feel the need to educate the population especially of the united states of america.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by newtus

but if i was taking medicine i wouldnt have an optimistic outlook for myself and i would have the drive and motivation i do - if i was on meds. on meds im really suicidal and no motivation basically. but then again off meds im getting in trouble more with citizens or police and definitely online lol - stuff like that -

I'm taking meds but I still have an optimistic outlook-----I think low dose meds can prevent more severe disease that requires higher more debilitating doses of meds. Why do you feel not optimistic on meds?

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I'm taking meds but I still have an optimistic outlook-----I think low dose meds can prevent more severe disease that requires higher more debilitating doses of meds. Why do you feel not optimistic on meds?

meds just somehow change my mood. idk if its partially the meds or partially because i KNOW im on meds and dont like it. but i know for sure they change my drive and motivation for ANYTHING i do. even eating seems pointless on it. so ive always had a pretty high level of drive/motivation and when i dont have that anymore i feel sad and just overall bad. not to mention im not optimistic when i become overweight from meds - being overweight (when youre not usually overweight) def changes how you feel.

my doctor has dosed me up high on haldol. he has me on 15mg a day. not to mention the other 5-6 medicines im on with it.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by newtus

meds just somehow change my mood. idk if its partially the meds or partially because i KNOW im on meds and dont like it. but i know for sure they change my drive and motivation for ANYTHING i do. even eating seems pointless on it. so ive always had a pretty high level of drive/motivation and when i dont have that anymore i feel sad and just overall bad. not to mention im not optimistic when i become overweight from meds - being overweight (when youre not usually overweight) def changes how you feel.

my doctor has dosed me up high on haldol. he has me on 15mg a day. not to mention the other 5-6 medicines im on with it.

So I know you're taking the ones for sleep do those make you feel less optimistic or is it just the haldol/antidepressant. I'm just wondering if you're reacting differently for things for mental vs physical illness as lack of sleep might be seen or migraines might be seen? If so you really aren't be fair to yourself as they all have some physical basis....

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

So I know you're taking the ones for sleep do those make you feel less optimistic or is it just the haldol/antidepressant. I'm just wondering if you're reacting differently for things for mental vs physical illness as lack of sleep might be seen or migraines might be seen? If so you really aren't be fair to yourself as they all have some physical basis....

what do you mean?

im prescribed:
15mg haldol
20mg celexa
200mg trazodone
2mg xanax
1mg ambien
and 100mg topamax by an MD

its just the haldol that makes me lose MOTIVATION AND DRIVE and causes other things like weight gain and then i feel less optimistic. i felt that way on seroquel too and some other ones

[hexacoda]

One reason I like learning about CBT is so I get into the habit of questioning my disturbing/bad feelings. When psychotic, I never for a second wondered would others agree with my belief, is there evidence for this belief, am I attaching too much meaning to this one event, etc.?

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by newtus

what do you mean?

im prescribed:
15mg haldol
20mg celexa
200mg trazodone
2mg xanax
1mg ambien
and 100mg topamax by an MD

its just the haldol that makes me lose MOTIVATION AND DRIVE and causes other things like weight gain and then i feel less optimistic. i felt that way on seroquel too and some other ones

OK I understand----it's just the haldol so it's not taking meds in general. Sometimes I hate that I'm on any meds at all even like tylenol it makes me feel weak like I should be stronger I just wasn't sure if you had that too or not.

[newtus]

i been genuinely forgetting to take my topamax.

i only really take my ambien and xanax.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by newtus

what do you mean?

im prescribed:
15mg haldol
20mg celexa
200mg trazodone
2mg xanax
1mg ambien
and 100mg topamax by an MD

its just the haldol that makes me lose MOTIVATION AND DRIVE and causes other things like weight gain and then i feel less optimistic. i felt that way on seroquel too and some other ones

Just a theory, but have you ever considered that your negative symptoms are more noticeable when you're on meds? It's quite possible that while you're actively psychotic you're not going to notice the negative symptoms as much. When the psychosis abates a bit I notice you post more about the negative symptoms because the lack of acute psychosis makes them more apparent.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Just a theory, but have you ever considered that your negative symptoms are more noticeable when you're on meds? It's quite possible that while you're actively psychotic you're not going to notice the negative symptoms as much. When the psychosis abates a bit I notice you post more about the negative symptoms because the lack of acute psychosis makes them more apparent.

you know sometimes i forget about all the aspects of schiz stuff because theres so much.

so i didnt think about that. thats possible. yea.

when im off meds i feel like im unstoppable and have the key to the supernatural and the powers to see and talk with them and be with them. and that i have the knowledge and power of the president and warren buffet. and other people.

[faerie_moon_x]

In my experience with The Building, I would tell lots of people about it. I would also tell them that I knew it sounded unbelievable. However, thanks to my so called friends backing me up, I felt okay telling others because some people "believed" me. Which I know now was just them tricking me for their amusement.

But, here's an ironic thing. I happened to read a news article about a local girl in my town who was diagnosed with sz. Her beliefs were centered around a local amusement park using mind control. Anyway, the article was about her going into remission. I remember so clearly thinking how weird her beliefs were and how lucky I was not to have an illness like sz. Yet at the exact same time I was 100% certain that I was being hunted by this secret organization due to being the chosen one.

So, I was able to know people would think my belief was weird but believed it was true. but I wasn't able to compare my belief with another person's odd belief and see a resemblance.

I think about that a lot. I think it's really fascinating and kind of scary.

[Victoria'smom]

you recognize that most people wouldn't agree that they're true. My T and I were just talking about this today. I feel like if I don't hurt myself something bad is going to happen but I wont because how am I suppose to explain that to the ER? I fully believe something terrible is going to happen but I always think telling the ER people won't believe me or look at me strangely. So I try my best to ignore the thoughts.

[junkDNA]

hmmm well when i am really paranoid or delusional i do not realize it. but afterwards i feel very embarrassed by it all. its hard to deal with. i want to work on finding ways to gain insight