Roll Call 42

I just wrote another 518 words of my novel. Making progress, slowly. Full steam, I can write 3,000+ words/day. But I don't want to get burnt out, and I want to enjoy my writing. So I'm aiming for 500 words per day.

I'm having some trouble driving long distances due to my meds so today my dad is coming to pick me up to take me home for the holidays.....I can't wait to be out of the city....I soooooo need a break.....

Thats nice of him, and you get to have a road trip with your father!

not feeling well today.

I've spent part of my day pacing around in my home. I snapped out of it when I heard the front door open. My brother had returned from the shops. I've also spent some time looking out of the window. People are still out there monitoring my every move. I am well and truly sick of it. I don't like being stalked. Just wait until I see my so called "psychiatrist". I know she's in on it. I've just got to get her to admit it.

That's great... I look forward enough to the holidays even without having need for a break! Christmas is my favourite time of year.

How so? Hope you feel better soon...

im paranoid... and getting stressed out about having to do more stuff for the next few days. i just want the holidays to be over. my sisters tryig to get me to leave the house but im paranoid as fck and i just want to stay home

sorry to hear this newtus, it does seem like you're often being pulled in many different directions

i am usually by my sister. and them sometimes by my mom. not often by my dad because hes the only one in my family that understands most of the extent of this illness and my anxiety. i have pretty bad anxiety. i already took a xanax this morning because my sisters here and so much was going on in the house i felt anxiety. plus she was all touching stuff in my room and i really dont like people touching my stuff of mine. unless its my dad then its ok pretty much. as ive gotten older ive learned how to tell others sometimes i dont want to do stuff or want to be around them but i need to get better at that...

when i had the most extreme psychotic episode i can think of i remember i didnt leave the house for weeks sometimes months at a time. that was only couple years ago. i was doing pretty good from august til mid november of this year but ive been having a lot more paranoia and anxiety and hallucinations past month or more. ive also gone back in some of old extreme psychotic ways. im not extremely psychotic right now but im bordering along the line of it. my main focus right now is just getting through school. i cant be in the hospital during school if i can help it. cuz ill just end up dropping out like i have in the past because i know i wont be able to finish it.

went 2 a basketball game and school dance last night with a friend and it was awesome i was screaming 4 my team and one of the teammates at my school yelled at me but i just laughed and the dance made me cry cause all the sad song and im still kinda heartbroken

Home safely got the tree decorated.....

Hi rollcall! So quiet last night whats up?

Hi Neil. Well, my back is so bad it scares me. But that's nothing new except it seems even worse today. How are you?

Oh no, what do you do for your back? Do you have painkillers?

Im ok, good actually.

oh man im at my moms. i spent the night. my mom got drunk last night as usual and started picking a verbal fight with me. saying vaping ecigs are worse than regular cigs and im like "and your drunk...so whats your excuse?". and we fought. and my sister tried to break it up but my mom kept picking the fight. i called my dad later and told him i dont want to stay here and that i wanted to go home.

problem is my sister brought me here. so i dont have my car and now its 8am and my mom and her are gone somewhere for an hour AND I JUST WANT TO GO HOME. i dont consider this my moms place home.

now im stuck here

my stepdads here but he never talks to me and i dont have any sort of relationship with him. he stays on the computer all day in this room. ugh...dont really like him. hes not like my dad who hugs me every morning and tells me he loves me so much and comes in my room and talks with me and we have coffee together in the morning and spend the morning together til he has to goto work. ugh its been 1 day and i miss my dad. my dad said hes surprised i left my car here knowing the problems i have with my mom. and he said if i took it i could just leave whenever i want. now i cant. its like i fell into my sisters trap.

sorry newtus that sounds aggravating. how long are you due to stay at your moms?

i told i "i guess" ill stay four days. cuz its the holidays and stuff. but since the fight last night this has gotten out of my comfort zone quick and ive changed my mind. idk if i even want to see her for christmas to be honest.

if i had my car i couldve just slipped off in the middle of the night like i did last time

That's good. Nope, I have nothing but OTC stuff for my back. Does practically nothing.

I'm sorry you're having a disappointing time there Newtus. Just hang on until you can go home. Hugs.

Newtus although its difficult its probably best if you try to stay at your moms and work on having a better relationship with her. Just focus on the positive aspects and enjoy the holidays. Those of us without family can tell you its worth trying to salvage what you can.

Happy Winter Solstice everyone!