roll call 43

watched a basketball game at school last night WE WON!!!!!!!!!!

Me, too...

I have all these lines intersecting with each other all over the place. I would much rather parallel lines. There's something about it that just makes my crazy. I don't feel like I have anything to say way but words are coming out anywya. People aren't supposed to know. But they always do.

Life is weird.

I'm not getting any more liquid abilify when I run out, my nurse said I'm already on the maximum dose and I don't need to take more of it.
That sucks because I won't be able to show my doctor she can trust me.

You should try any stimulant that you can that is legal. Caffeine would be the main one to decrease appetite. I'm lucky to have concerta but I almost become underweight losing around 15-20 lbs in a few months without noticing. It stops the stomach from hurting as well because it isn't getting hunger signals from the brain. Much safer and less harmful on the body than starving. Right now I'll probably lose 10+lbs or so from starting the concerta again but I eat healthy and take calorie shakes.

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Btw low dose due to psychosis

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That's Ireland for ya.. I was raised there 11 years in a catholic school. I haven't been bullied, except by the teachers.

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A friend of mine is having a baby. Just waiting on my dad to come over and pick me up to take me to the hospital.

I'm so tired. Trying to stay up. Have therapy today, here in a couple of hours...

Any suggestions? I'm thinking maybe go back to bed for an hour...Idk.

Your therapist comes to your house? That's unusual. Hope you get some rest.

No but with this agency I could have her come here. No I'm getting a ride...I need to get out really bad.

i met w T. we talked about sex. former T and before former T. it was ok to talk about. ive never really talked to him abt that before. its so hard for me to talk about sex. i wasnt that uncomfortable though. he asked a lot of questions and i answered them. i want to be able to process the sexual trauma and stuff. i think it was good we talked about it. i feel more confident now in my ability to talk about those things.

we had a team meeting with my coach and a nutritionist before our session. i am going to try to do a tyrosine depletion diet as well as stay away from gluten and dairy. its gonna take a lot of self discipline but i am willing to try this. the goal is to start lowering my meds including the shot. i want so bad to not be on the shot and if this stuff might work then it is worth it to try.

i felt anxious after i left T bc we were talking about sex stuff. but i came home and took a bath and now i feel better.

Yeah I don't think I could ever fully trust a male therapist. And to talk about sexual abuse with one, no way.

Good job on opening up and taking the plunge.

i trust my T a lot but it took A LOT for me to trust him and it took a long time.

talking about sexual abuse is really hard. i dont think its harder bc hes male. i know he is non judgemental and gentle and wouldnt force me to talk about things im not ready to talk about. and he always tells me we should pace it so i dont get overwhelmed. and if he thinks i am getting overwhelmed we stop and he asks what im feeling and we take a step back from it. whether it was a male or female it would be equally as hard i think. at least for me.

i think having a good trusting relationship and a goood rapport with a T makes things a LOT easier

i hope ur T is a good fit for u. i know u have doubts about her. i just wish so much that everyone could have a great T and get the support they need. it makes me sad that people go without.

Yeah, I only get so many sessions, so I always feel rushed. I'm gonna leave you a pm of what she said to me last time, it was just ridiculous...really made me not have faith in her. But changing in such a pain too. I'm gonna see how it goes today.

okay ill look for the PM

So what will they give you instead?

im making this for my sisters birthday.

I really like that jar idea, Newtus! I wish I had something like that, haha. Need some encouragement right about now...

I feel like I'm losing everything good about myself. I feel like my own brother thinks I'm stupid and can barely stand my company. Everyone looks at me and pities me. They don't see what I used to be, or what I could be. All they see is what is, and what is is failure.

My t told me that I need to stop making assumptions about how people feel about me. But I can't very well ask my brother if he really thinks I'm a loser because I know he's nice enough to lie. Plus it would be awkward. I think I know how people feel about me.

I just feel like I'm an idiot with no talents.

I switched pharmacies and oh boy. I need some input here because this really could effect me. So after I switched pharmacies and took the regular prescribed meds (Generic Lexapro 5mg SSRI) my depression, which I'm fine with, halted but now my anxiety shot through the roof. My stomach is twisting and turning. I can't relax. I feel like I could have a panic attack any moment all day.

Is this a normal thing when switching pharmacies and buying the new generic from that pharmacy? I don't know if my body needs to adjust for a couple weeks or if I need to up the dosage. This is terrible. I'm going to contact my PDoc Monday ASAP. I can't live like this for long. It just wont end.

I've never noticed that when getting a different kind of generic, but then I'm not very sensitive to things like that. I'd definitely contact your pdoc. Your doctor can specify that the brand name, non-generic Lexapro is a medical necessity, and your insurance will be forced to cover it. I don't know if you will adjust to it or not, but it seems wise to try to fix it now than to wait longer.

This is really good advice...nothing that a loser would come up with so you just disproved your own worry while helping someone else....2 birds one stone, seems pretty sharp to me.....

I think one of the saddest feelings I've ever felt was fully trusting a friend and leaning on them for support then deciding they no longer want to be apart of my life. It saddens me how so many healthy individuals can't empathize with those with mental illness and sometimes can't even sympathize. Crying pretty hard right now.

I kind of wish I had a irl schizophrenic friend to talk/text to that's my age that is somewhat in the same level as me. I have a friend similar to me, but they're not on meds and they travel across the US on crazy missions (they take great photos though). I kind of what to make a craigslist ad, but I'm afraid people will troll me.

medicalfox, yeah I get that. I've never knowingly met another schizophrenic IRL. I think about that sometimes, it'd be nice to have that connection. I've met people with other mental illness though, like bipolar and such.