Roll Call 44

Sorry your struggling with hearing things atm. I can understand why you wouldn't want to go back to the cmht when youv been treat so badly before by them. I wish people could just see that you struggle and have a mh problem rather than getting dismissed. It must be so demoralising to have no one understand you. Do you think maybe because you know so much about psychiatry that that's why they think your faking?

Yeah I think it's really uncreative of me to be looking for a single answer but somehow my mind gets out of control if I leave things at maybe it just keeps circling around and around until I come up with something more definitive.

The only certainties are in mathematics. Logic can be valid but based on faulty premises. Sometimes the best course of action is to take a pragmatic one. Not a vulgar pragmatism as if it works then it must be true, but one in which one thinks what is in one's best virtue to believe in. This is William James approach to pragmatic philosophy. It's usually the cord of last recall where problems simply aren't solvable because you could go either way on the matter.

In one example he posits one sitting alone in a darkening forest and your hungry. There is a path in front of you. You have two choices. Believe that it will lead you to civilization, food, comfort and salvation or you can sit on your butt and be skeptical knowing it will lead nowhere. This is where one gives up hope, sits there and starves to death. Which is best to believe?

He also posits in his book "Pragmatism" imagine a squirrel and a man chasing around a tree, one moving as the other moves around the tree. Now, as one watches this one can ask, "Who is chasing who?" You see what he did there? The squirrel could be playfully chasing after him as well as he it. But if you have to make a choice which do you believe?

In this case the consequences do not matter much, but raise the stakes to your soul and an afterlife. Then decide what's in your highest virtue to believe when a simple outlook could lead to a healthy, happy, and active lifestyle.

For me, a life too spiritually thin robs one of motivation, expression and transcendence of some sort. There are three major ways to transcendence I believe. There is through God, and chiefly religion. There is through art and there is through truth, which is my path. The way I feel when I open an old book hypothesizing metaphyics, ethics or governance is that spirituality where I feel closer to something bigger than myself, maybe even God, if there is one.

So what do I choose to pragmatically believe in while I live my life in a world full of suffering and sorrows, unrequited love and disease, one that shows there might be design, where mathematics is the best explanation we can come up with when we attempt to describe something? Does that type of explanation hint to a rational plan, a rational designer? Why is there something other than nothing? Would it be so foolish to believe there is a greater conscious, a grand conscious out there, more thoughtful, giving purpose and hope?

If there were no humans on earth would one prefer it be full of beauty and growth, or rank ugliness? Our consciousness would prefer the former and I think it says something about how we think. However, I think it would be more beautiful if there were humans there to experience it.

I'm optimistic that there is one, but all good arguments are welcome.

Feeling pretty groggy and sedated today. Man I hate meds. Going to take half the dose tonight so it might not be as bad tomorrow. I can't go to uni like this. Have to read a book by next tues and I'm panicking a bit that I won't be able to. I'm pretty lonely right now cos I'm on my own a lot of the time. Maybe I should see my family more.

Yeah I slept well just couldn't get up this morning. They said I could take 2mg if it was too much so I'm just guna do that. I'm very susceptible to meds they affect me a lot even in small doses.

Getting a new tattoo tomorrow!

i have REAL bad cramps and it really hurts

my mom texted me and told me she is upset bc they are moving her to the most challenging ward in the hospital- high acuity female (mostly borderlines). she said they moved her cuz they needed someone with experience and a set of new eyes to help change it. but i think she is scared of her safety and the wild behaviors the patients have. apparently they like throw their poop around n stuff she moves on monday

i feel bad for her. but also it kind of triggered me. bc that is the ward my former t worked on. former t had a private practice and was the head psychologst of that ward. so i dont like thinking abt her working where he used to work

I find a warm bath to be helpful or a heating pad....have you tried that?

yea i have and it works but we dont have heating pads and i dont have stuff to make one

Can she change hospitals if things get out of hand...I mean with her level of experience I think other hospitals would snap her up.

Morning all! Really stressed out after yesterday, my anxiety is back, feel like I could lose control again and the delusions and voices could come back if I'm not careful. Sleeping pills help with my anxiety though they're a little 'buzzy', I wish I had a proper prn for it though, I don't need it very often. My fiance is staying the night, we're going to watch movies so it'll be a good distraction. Wish me luck guys, I really hope I can get over this cycle.