Roll Call 44

Hope nothing develops chicken

HI chicken! Sorry something triggered you yesterday. Maybe try not to think of it as a new cycle and just a bit of stress. I know when I start to worry about psychosis creeping in that seems to aggravate my symptoms and increase the chance of it happening.

Hi Angelique and Justme! Justme Im glad youre feeling less sedated today. Are you sleeping OK on it?

Thanks guys!

Thanks Neil. You're totally right, I'm definitely over thinking it, and it is just stress, perfectly normal stress. I have a plan to get back to my old self but my parents aren't supportive at all, they just want me living at home doing nothing because "I'm not well". It's causing a lot of arguments, they just don't see common sense.

Thanks for your support.

Thanks neil yeah I'm sleeping well on it so that's good I guess. I don't think it's going to do anything though

Aleve works great for cramps, or any generic version of naproxen.

i still have bad cramps :'(

Family is a really difficult part of the illness. At least your family cares about you and wants you at home because they think you need to rest and get your feet under you before taking on more responsibilities. You're the only one who knows when it's the right time to move on but taking your time might not be a bad idea assuming your family isn't contributing any problems.

my head is pounding cause of the voices

I feel like i let someone down but i didnt i dont think :'(

Sometimes I feel like I'd feel safer in hospital. Is that weird?

sometimes thats what i feel

Thanks bean. Makes me feel less weird

i dont feel safe in a hospital. if you try to hurt yourself they restrain you. theres other sick patients that could hurt you too and invade your privacy. i had a patient walk into the bathroom when i was using the toilet. it made me very nervous. i have a lot of stories. i feel the safest at one hospital but not entirely safe. theres another hospital here in dallas tx that serves the homeless mentally ill and severe drug addicts and sometimes criminally ill along with other people who are mentally ill and your housed with all of them for maybe 1-2 days during intake in a gym with cots just lined up. then you are shuffled to another room with what they call "less dangerous population" for another day or two. then after maybe 3 days of being in intake you finally are admitted and its still not good. its a really rundown hospital. the hospital i feel safest at is a hospital in a rich part of a my hometown. barely anything happens there. but it could. like once every few days someone does something. but at the hospital in dallas someone is yelling or assaulting someone or staff or they are getting restrains EVERY 15 MINUTES. not kidding. its a nightmare. thats why i try not to get picked up by police anymore because they automatically send me there since i live in this particular city. if im in very serious crisis where i cant handle myself then ill ask my parents to take me to that rich psychiatric hospital.

The hospitals I've been in have been good most of the time. I've never been restrained or anything. They are generally nice to you except for a couple of the psychs who like to section you for no good reason

That you're not well stuff is bs----the best way to be well is to move forward with your life...I think a sense of purpose really helps.

thats good. yea ive been restrained too many times to count.

I get what you're saying but I've been unemployed and out of college for a year and a half. Not only does it look really bad on my CV but it's also not doing me any favors. I have too much time on my own to think and get caught up with things.

I get that too. The hospital I have been attending over the past two years is quite good though I have been restrained before and it's not nice. The hospital I was in as a teenager was an old victorian building that was falling apart and full of all sorts of patients including elderly and intellectually disabled people who shouldn't have been there at all. That place messed me up more than it did help.

Thanks Sometimes. You're dead right, it's good to move on, meet people and work towards goals. I'm really not as un well as my family thinks I am, I have my ups and downs but it could be a hell of a lot worse.

i have to really save up my money this year.
i need money to keep going to school.
plus the first half of the year is when most festivals go on. everything from music to art to comic con etc. i have a bunch i want to goto and while im still relatively ok i want to get out more this year.

i think thats my goal this year is to get out more and actually go places and have fun. idk how well this will work but as long as i have my xanax i hope im fine and my haldol too actually. im getting older fast and before i know it ill be in my 30s. and havent had the fun i wanted to have in my 20s. im already halfway through my 20s and i havent done ANYTHING but be hospitalized and be medicated and went through gaining and losing weight and in/out of school. its been horrible...

but theres like 7 festivals or so (so far) i want to goto.
these are the ones i want to goto:

PAX South (Penny Arcade Expo) - missed that sadly.

Dallas Comic Con Fan Days - Going feb 7

Dallas Comic Con - May

South By So What?! (metalcore/rock music festival) - wanna go in March

Dallas International Film Festival - April

Wildflower Arts & Music Festival - may

i hope i get a lot accomplished this year and i hope this will be the first year in a long time im not hospitalized. but we will see. im still very afraid and think i might be hospitalized but im just hoping i wont.

I think you've been doing really great since you started school again---sure there is the anxiety which no doubt sucks but you seem vibrant and alive. You've got your fight back I think...

Stopped by the tattoo shop today, he will be doing my tattoo at 3pm since he has an appointment coming in at 12:30. It's the owner and he was on the show "Ink Masters"

im very very hyper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i lov lunch!!!!!!!!!

the sucky thing about these next two weeks is listening to my sisters demands about what i have to wear during her wedding. i have to be in a dress and i dont like dresses. havent been in one for years. none of my everyday stuff matches with the dress so i had to get all new shoes and stuff. my mom picked out the whole outfit and my sister doesnt like it. she wants me to wear pantyhose and all this crap.

i hate wearing crap that i not only hate but dont look good in. no one else either is going to be wearing a dress with sneakers plus ill be the only one wearing dark colors (which i didnt even pick out).

we almost need a new roll call. but now right now. there was someone who said they wanted to start it. who was it?