Roll Call 45

Its Newt from Hollyoaks. A british soap opera. Newt was played by Nico Mirallegro. in the show he had schizophrenia. they dont have him on anymore though.

i feel really small right now. as a person. ive wanted change so bad in the system.
i cant even get change for myself. idk how i would do it for other people.

I feel like I control what people think before it doesn't work.

If I crossed the line I'm sorry.

Now for the great pain to come to me. For you to have the courage and motivation to contribute to the mental health system greatly

That was plan if not understood.

This involves a lot of code.. But my intention is to do good

I screwed up the motivation by using newtus' bad habits in a comic and justified it because I do the same (which is why I know) in order to give her more motivation but it looks like I just really screwed up?

Id rather die than to put you down.

I know you're strong. So I did it. You're stronger than me.

- Confused

I'm so confused

This isn't good. There's no reply. No info. No insight. I left 911 call on by accident.

Reality needs to end.

Everywhere I go I bring this curse.

Maybe I should just stop reality. From the perception of my mind.

It seems like the only way I can make change is to be the president of the united states and then even HE cant work that much in changing the system. so where does that leave me? a girl in small town TX. a blip on a map. which is invisible really. no one sees me. obviously i cant become president.

You can influence things in a more local or organic way just by communicating.

thanks for that advice. thats good advice!

I post the whole picture with missing information. Or something.

I'm anxiously awaiting my big assignment to be graded, of course the professor will probably grade it once he wakes up, after all it is 12 30 a.m. lol Hope it's not too bad

Think of what you can do with a group not as an individual....if you provide concrete actionable advice on your blog you may have more impact than you think.

thanks thats really good advice. thats really good.

well im awake. yep.
awake early.

I got up later than I wanted to (wanted to be up before 6 but got up at 7 instead) but it's a much better day in here today - warmer with sunlight. I barely slept last night and my anxiety has been pretty high. Hope everyone is well.

im going to have to extremely cut down on my spending/expenses this year.
i have no money after the first week of the month.
PLUS i need to save up money for my future.
i only get 16 dollars in food stamps. so im gonna do an experiment and try to live off of that for month. thats less than a dollar a day for a whole month. thats like...maybe 50 cents a day for the whole month. well...ramen noodles at this one store costs 28 cents a cup.

it sucks that i have to pay my dad rent. its not much but it really sucks a lot out of what i have already. im extremely worried about my financial future. my mom doesnt really want to pay for anything for me. my dad doesnt have a lot of money to pay for things for me. and what am i gonna do when my parents are gone. especially my dad. pft my moms not gonna help me pay for stuff.

im having really bad symptoms and my stomach really hurts so im going home

Glad you're apartment is warmer today, I hope this will help with your anxiety a bit!

Thanks! I took hydroxyzine before so I'm hoping so. How are you today?

I just found another bottle with like 60mg risperidone.

I don't remember anything. I don't remember what I did.

I'm not too bad thanks. Been getting bad dizzy spells as I haven't eaten in about three days but I had some tea with loads of sugar and I'm feeling better now.

Why haven't you eaten in so long?

Just not hungry, tried to have some dinner last night but couldn't stomach it. Ever since I started a second AP I haven't had much of an appetite and have been losing weight. I'm overweight so it's not really a concern.

Ah right fair enough. What ap was it?