Roll Call 45

They won't know you've deleted them unless they go onto your profile and check. Maybe they won't notice?

Hi Neil! We're online at the same time! :O

My antidepressant Lexapro (SSRI), for panic attacks and anxiety, is not working at all. I need to see my doc asap. It's been 3 weeks and they haven't kicked in. It ought to have kicked in early last week. I've got so much on my plate and now I have to see my doc again which is going to cost me another $120. I'm going to dump my psychologist. She's as useless as a wet match. fml

Haha, yeh! My stalking has finally paid off! What are you thinking today about staying at home or moving out? I imagine youre pretty keen on being with your fiancé back in the city?

Thank you....I really had fun with it but suspect it may have been the cold medicine.....I also find things much funnier when I'm sick so if you've got any jokes now is the time

idk. they wont see me posting and will know i deleted them.

I've been lying to my mental health team because I don't trust them. I said everything's okay and I'm just a bit down. The only truth I told them is that I daydream about ending my life. The truth is people out there are stalking me. And I'm sick of it. I just want to make them all go away.

Haha you have my hours down to a tee now! Or maybe I'm stalking you haha!

Ah my head is still wrecked, I'm not in a good place but I'm coping. My fiance is actually in the town I'm in now but we only see each other on weekends. If I move to the city I can come home on the weekends anyway, I have free travel with my disability payments. There's really nothing here for me, no jobs no courses and I'm finding the online course too difficult. I've done programming before and the theory in this course is just unnecessarily difficult.

My pdoc has said if I'm not living in the city I can't do the dbt and they're referring me back to the pdocs down here. I really don't want to get involved with the services down here, they're notoriously bad, you never see the same doctor twice, the waiting list for dbt is over a year long, and they just throw medication at you. My doctors in Dublin are really good and so was the dbt program. Not sure what I'm going to do.

But enough about me moaning. How are you doing?

i woke up late cause took my meds really late and im still tired lol

Take inspiration wherever you find it! If cold medicine empowered my dreams I'd be an addict, I live for my dreams! And I'll be holding my breath for a valentine's day poem from you. none of that cliché roses are red... either!

On the whole these past weeks and months it sounds like you've been doing much better though. Just the fact that youre thinking about moving sounds like youre feeling stable and confident. Would your fiancé not be moving with you then?

Have you ever tried any books on anxiety? I really liked a life less anxious by Steve pavilanis....he's just got a good sense of humor so it doesn't make you more anxious like a lot of books about anxiety. Just a suggestion if you're without adequate T support.

I have indeed been doing better, it's just other people putting me down and saying that I can't accomplish things. I asked my parents to just support me in doing this course I want to do, they said ''we'll support you but you're not going to finish it''. It's very defeating to hear.

He's after finding himself a pretty good job down here, he's 30 now and just wants to settle and save some money, he doesn't want to uproot himself again. Ideally if I get qualified we can move back somewhere halfway and we can commute. That's my plan.

i decided to keep following those people on FB but hide their posts from my timeline so i dont see any posts they make. thank god theres so many meticulous options and privacy settings on facebook.

knowing me ill set every individual person on my FB so only certain people can see certain things. i already do that but not for EVERY SINGLE person. but a few people right now.

Ill get that from the interlibrary exchange and give it a read. Ill read anything I can get my hands on. Thanks!

That's definitely a good solution, I've often spent a few hours going through my privacy setting to do stuff like that. It's good to keep doing it as well as they change their terms so often!

Chicken that is so rubbish of your parents! People sometimes mean well but just the way they state things is off putting. It's hard to know what their intentions are. Usually when people leave home or a relationship they absolutely know it's time to get out though. Sometimes it's the best way to salvage a relationship. At least you have options with your fiancé, its great you have a strong relationship to plan around.

Im doing better after my little dip earlier this month, cheers. I know what you mean about wanting to be in the city. I wish I would just gather my stuff up and move to London! moving countries in my twenties felt easy but as we get older each move feels like it requires exponentially more effort!

i know right?! they always are changing their terms. its kinda scary actually cause i cant keep up with them.

Sure why not haiku.....

The worst holiday
Except for chocolates and
Beautiful flowers.


...I usually make some unformed truffles eaten straight from the bowl and buy out the plant store.....they really do have the best flowers on V day.

That is not romantic and doesn't count! Im still holding my breath haha

My biggest fear in life is becoming a loser, and not contributing to the world in some meaningful way.

Thanks for your input Neil. You always make things seem less black and white.

I'm glad you're doing better. I think it would be even harder to move to London than Dublin. London is so expensive but it's such a great city. I've always said I'd love to spend a year working there when I get enough experience, probably never going to happen but one can dream. Can you see any other opportunities arising where you could get yourself there?

When you go to the 'view as public' setting can you still see photos and updates? I can still see my cover photo's and a few other pieces of information, it wrecks my head, I'd like it to be completely 'friends only'. I checked it the other day and I could even see 'mobile upload' pictures that weren't on display before, it's a terrible system, not enough people protest it though.

Can you write a book of poetry or just your thoughts? Your writing is very eloquent....Personally I think just what you have posted on Pc is meaningful.

You and I. Were on the same page. I just wrote that on roll call yesterday. I literally said that but in my own words.

when i went to public view i saw a few pictures on them including my cover photo. I was able to hide EVERYTHING except 1 public review I made on FB. you have to goto the individual photos and enlarge them you know. like click on them and then click edit and make it friends only or whatever you want. i had my cover photo on there for a long time without knowing how to make it private. ^^^ thats what i had to do above ^^^ to make it private.

right now everything except 1 public review which i might delete is hidden. like completely.

UGH NM CHICKENFOOT. my cover photo is actually public. nm. idk how to make it private.