Roll Call 52

I have the same problem.

I was going into psychosis probably because the injection wore off and switch of stimulants. I went to completely not caring about myself to the point that I was fine again and didn't need meds. It wasn't that strong of a feeling though.

I refused to go to groups again but now they are great. I went to 2 today and I plan on going to all 6 if possible. Then go swimming and to the gym, etc. I'll show the symptoms chart I made it's really interesting.

They don't have a 70mg Vyvanse pill in Canada idk why. Canada also banned adderall XR at one point cuz of sudden death in about 20 people that probably had underlying heart issues.

had a good day. got my tax refund today. dropped my debit card in a parking lot and i didnt know it. so i went inside looking for it and this woman comes up to me and says whats your name. my card has my picture on it and she recognized me bc she found it near her car. omg sooo glad a good person found it. wow!

then i ate sushi with a friend. then we watched new catfish episode and the movie The Babadook. the movie was good and weird. its a horror movie. if you like horror movies i recommend it .

thought Ts group was starting this saturday but texted him to make sure and turns out its next saturday. i would have shown up there expecting it to be this saturday, lol. at least that gives me another week to get the courage to go to it.

work at 7am tomorrow, uggg!! oh well im a strong person and i will get thru it. the depression is basically gone, for now. and i am glad. those 2 days were rough. but i can look back and think on all the years of my life that i was chronically depressed so 2 days is a major improvement.

by Fall 2016 i should be able to transfer to a four year university. thats my goal.

but idk. im just hopeful. and im jusy going by requirements of the university i want to goto. it says you need 30 or more credits to transfer. if everything goes right i should have at least 32. if not at least 30. but im going to try to meet with an academic advisor from that university this summer about getting into the program i want to go into.

New chart



Old chart




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Declining of motivation, focus and concentration. Then the injection and it went up at the end.

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Focusing on negative symptoms while everyone's having fun makes me want to die

Edit: Screw this. I already smoked a pack today.

Still feeling good though in terms of mental health except I feel stupid. Like I'm impaired in doing mathematics and that's what I was always praised for. Skipped grade 8 because of it. Now my brain is like a plate of scrambled eggs and eggs can't be unscrambled..

That ****ing sucks, wow.

Back in the day(I was a teenager), my idiot psychiatrist at the time decided I was lying about my childhood abuse history for some reason and proceeded to tell my therapist all about how I have Histrionic personality disorder. Yeah, really. Anyone who knows me knows I'm the exact opposite of that disorder, lol. Anyways, it was ****ing BS and I don't sign those forms under any circumstances(I had another stupid experience with this dynamic about this time last year actually) anymore. Period. I don't like it when people talk about me behind my back, I have SCHIZOPHRENIA, that means duh I get paranoid. Do professionals seriously not get why them talking to each other about me without me there would be a problem, can they not see how that would set off my paranoia even if I didn't have such a **** experience?

****ing morons. I have zero respect for psychiatry/psychology.

Negative symptoms can go to ****ing hell. I hate it when mine get bad like that. The worse my negative symptoms are the more I smoke.

I don't think you're stupid, having an illness doesn't make you stupid.

I can totally relate to saying your brain is like scrambled eggs.

I feel really good like great idk why. This techno music by Deorro is like a discovery in terms of sound. But I can only use my phone until 10pm. I'm sitting in the hallways right now.

I want a life.. My whole adolescence was taken over by mental illness. My childhood was great like an amazing childhood fortunately so it's fair to have a good one as being an adult if that's the way my brain wants to work. By getting the hell out of here in this mood, take the injection etc and never have to go to a damn hospital again especially mental hospitals but this mental hospital seems like a vacation for some people so I'm lucky.

I want to look back on my life in the end and say, ****, What a ride... - My dad

gotta go to work gotta go to work gotta have a job

Good morning everyone. Hope everyone has a good day. Mine hasn't started all that great. Got my tax refund only to find I made an error resulting in half the refund we were expecting Bummer

I am really struggling with obsessive negative thoughts and anxiety the last couple of days. I don't know how to make them stop. I took an Ativan in hopes of it helping because my pdoc isn't in until next week so I can't get ahold of her. Ugh I hate this I just want to sleep but I can't.

I can't believe this is my life.

You sound like Bukowski haha.

morning. i got pretty good sleep except for the chicks waking me up this morning. as usual.

Ativan + hot shower + cocoa pebbles = feeling a bit better

I never got the chance to be a teenager either, my schizophrenia had its onset officially when I was 14.

I know what you mean from my own circumstances.

is this real life 0_o

Got my new laptop! It's so cute Plus the portable speaker I bought for it works really well, great sound quality which I'm glad about because I know the sound isn't that great on these computers.

o ma gawddddddddd im so tired

Well, I survived another day. That's all I'm doing.

Tweaky's psychiatric update...

Doing well. Stopped the oral Abilify from 15 to 10 the next day and then tomorrow it will be 0. The injection will take over then. I don't like how symptoms get worse at the end of the injection but my psychiatrist says that it depends on the person and the pharmacist says that I'm at the 5th week where the injection stabilizes at 6 weeks. Some people are given a shot every 2 weeks instead of a month because it gets absorbed faster. I think that's the case because drugs barely effect me until I reach max or over max dose.

I'm getting tremors and I don't really care but he gave Cogentin as a PRN.

Going to groups again and they are great.

They noticed that the increase in Abilify gave me more motivation but I told them that the Concerta gives me more motivation than the Vyvanse and the Vyvanse gives more clarity to focus, lasts much longer but doesn't lessen distractions that the Concerta did so we're not really sure and probably will increase it to 70mg.

If the short lasting stimulants are covered, I don't mind taking them just that my psychiatrist would be tense from me taking them all at once in the previous hospital and my other psychiatrist would probably not want to because I "Ran out" and "Swallowed them all". I said it straight up and reason that I'm bored and the Concerta didn't last long enough lol

Now for another * weekend here... I should be out at the 2nd of May idk

my shot absorbed faster. it would run out abt a week early.