Roll Call 52

I smoked them cuz I gave two away so I figured.. what ever.. it's only 3 cigarettes..

Tbh I'm having cravings. I'm in denial probably because I believe that I'm not addicted or anything.

Omg I need the inhaler

One thing I PROMISE, is to only smoke the Cuban on the last day while saying goodbye to everyone.

I don't blame myself too much, suicidal when I started so..

i could come up there and beat him up for you, i've got some steel-toed boots.

Ok, I don't. But I could get some.

Ohhh yeahhhh!!!! Great tune! I think I wrote it out wrong though, I think it's "and God damn this noise inside my head" ... I may check that out, it's going to annoy me.

heh thanks. hes 1 yr older than my mom. and he has a wife. that makes it even more gross

Oy!

I've had psychiatrists like that. That attitude has lead to me getting improper treatment for several years.

That dynamic has always ended badly for me.

Ambien made me psychotic as hell too.

ambien made me psychotic at first i wont lie. but i guess like haldol - after awhile i got used to it and it just relaxed me.

In concept it sounds good. I hear you though. I've been burned twice due to that dynamic.

Morning guys, I hope it's going well for everyone so far. I'm excited to be getting the brakes on my car fixed today.

The five stars (not four) are: Jonathan Frakes, Marina Sirtis, Wil Wheaton, Walter Koenig, and Nichelle Nichols.

michelle nichols was here in dallas tx this past february! i saw her!

Well the ambien didn't make me psychotic but it didn't help me sleep either

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So I broke a damn tooth. I have terrible teeth already, this is not what I needed.

sorry to hear Valley. what can you do to fix it?

I'm going to end up having to have it pulled. I'm so upset.

Lucky!!!

Bought another two packs for some reason. Meh..

I was a bit paranoid yesterday so I just slept and my psychiatrist reassured me this morning.

Increase to 50mg Vyvanse so I'll get studying..

Yeah, as a concept it sounds great but for it to work you have to have two competent professionals at the same time. That is rare considering how hard it is to find one competent professional. I was burned twice due to that dynamic as well. Never again. Heh.

My pdoc and my T are in the same practice. I dislike my T but have to continue with her in order to continue with my pdoc. I'm not overly fond of my pdoc either but there is a serious shortage of pdocs in my area. They were literally the last practice on the sheets of doctors given to me at the hospital.

I was having short term memory problems after my year long psychosis. After complaining, my psychologist brought in a a specialist to test my memory to see where the problem may be. After greeting her she stated what my psychosis was about and how that can have a traumatizing effect and then she was talking about the sexual aspect of my delusion.

I went to my psychologist and said WTF!!! She got on the offensive and we battled it out. I signed no consent form for a mere MEMORY SPECIALIST to get my entire story. Unbelievable. So unprofessional. I fired her *** and told my psychiatrist. That's gotta be a law suit.

That's why I will not sign consent forms without filling out exceptions. That's why I tell each professional I work with that story. That's why my therapist hasn't talked to my psychiatrist. I'm setting barriers in place so that each new psychiatrist and therapist only get what I consent, and tell them the fawking story why.

My therapist went to her desk twice asking me to sign a consent form. She said, "I mean, this is common practice, I'm just a little surprised". She would be surprised if a stranger knew her sexual history. One thing makes me paranoid, besides a lapse in taking my drugs, and that is a certain aspect of my delusion. I make sure to drive the nail further and further down until it's lost and I'm free from people talking about it.

Okay, rant for the day. I'm done.

I went to college today. I couldn't really concentrate in lesson as I had too much on my mind. I was thinking about my family, hoping they're okay and worrying that something bad might happen to them. All I seem to do is have these thoughts and then worry because of these thoughts. It's constant.

went to my support group today.
at first didnt want to go because truthfully it is boring. and yes today was mostly boring. but at the end i talked to my peer support specialist and she said she would go in my NP appt with me and talk to her on my behalf in my appt with my about raising my ambien back to its original dosage because of my concerns about my psychosis coming back and my anxiety coming back. so it turned out to be pretty ok.

I'm going to have to have a serious discussion with my pdoc next week about my weight. It is painful to even walk short distances, I have never weighed this much. Every time I mention it she blows me off. She doesn't seem to realize, a year ago I was around 135-140. Now I'm 203. I'm ashamed of my body, exercising and eating healthy doesn't seem to help much. It has got to be my medicine. This is really depressing me.