Roll Call 53

It's sounds terrible, but you still have a sense of humor about it!

If that's the behind the scenes it looks really high quality...and yes the rain and you could see people's breath....when is the commercial coming out?

2.5 months in..

It's snowing more.. Flowers were blooming.. I want a buzz.. 10 cigarettes this morning.. Only the first one or two in the morning gets me a buzz .. Wasting more money on internet so I'm going to stop using my phone... 18 years old I want a better life than this.

The thought of having disability when in my apartment is boring but I can still do welding part time down the road because my boss said I could do that. I could do my homework in peace and quiet. I'd have to kick out my renter that pays the mortgage though.

I want to enjoy life. I want to have fun. The dealers better leave me alone.

The doctor is pushing my psychiatrist to increase the Vyvanse because I have these almost unrealistic fixed goals yet she sees potential in me that a lot of people don't have when they end up here.

I haven't showered in over a week. I just don't have the motivation to do it. Yet I'm still drifting on through life. I'm not really here. I'm just existing.

My panic attack symptoms are rising quickly. I think it is because Lithium may have kept them mostly at bay.

Hmm, panic attacks or the feeling of pleasure...

yes it does look high quality but yea its behind the scenes. and the commercial comes out in may they said because thats when mental health awareness month is. i havent seen the commercial anywhere. plus it would be on tv too not just on the website.

Have you considered a low dose or are you still not feeling pleasure?

Sometimes, I had a window of pleasure! I can always take a klonopin until I find a long term solution for panic disorder.

Thank moment where you're debating to let your cat sleep on your lap or get a klonopin...

Yay for the window!

yea i literally couldnt feel my toes or fingers that first day of march. it was drizzling and it had just snowed the days before. it was sooo cold. i remember my face being all red. and i was like a hunchback because i was stiff.

idk why i have to write so much in history class. 200 words a question? like? im basically writing a paper for each assignment.

It's pouring here, severe thunderstorms in the forecast. Weather and stuff like that interests me

I write too much when I'm doing essays. Say if they want 5-10 pages, I'd go over the max and can't stop writing which is mostly lies and bs that has false proof which isn't worth looking for. It's like someone asking me for a smoke while I put the box in my pocket and I say that it's empty like "I dare you to question me" which is like "Idgaf.."

I kind of like thunderstorms...as long as I'm safe inside...do you like them?

ok so hey guys. i was super nervous about Ts group. when i got 5 minutes away from his office i was like IM GOING HOME!!! but i went and stuck it out. i even talked a LITTLE. it was 6 of us, plus T. all women (except T ). we didnt have to do any icebreaker bs we just said our names and greeted each other. i sat in the far corner go figure...T said he definitely noticed that lol. i did the least talking out of the whole group but i did say some things. T mentioned that someone in the group has been working with him for a while and has been in a group with him before. i didnt say anything. then about an hour later he made a joke about the previous group and i said something that outed me as the person that has been in a group with him before. so now they all know ive known T for 5 years i told the group it takes me a long time to trust people, new ppl feel like a threat and that i tend to come across as i dont like people or that im a ***** but thats not my intention and not what im thinking. i was glad i decided to say that about myself because after i said that one woman spoke up and said thank u for sharing that because i already thought you didnt like me. i hate that i come across that way and i would like to change it. i think its because im so guarded. so im really glad i got that out there, i didnt want any of them to think i didnt like them or the group or whatever. it was fairly comfortable, everyone was nice. im still nervous about it, it will take me a while to open up. he asked me if he could describe how i was in his old group and i said ok and he said i couldnt last a whole group and i would leave like 15 min after it started. he said i didnt talk much but i eventually opened up and also took leadership roles at the program i was in. T said that he hopes i share my story because its pretty amazing. i hope i can share my story too but it has to be the right time. i think for now i will be more of a listener in the group and offer feedback when i feel necessary.

whew! it was scary but i did it. i think it will be a good group. its going to be a closed group which means no new people for at least 12 weeks. so it gives us time to trust and feel safe.

after group i had a session with T. i asked him if he was nervous about it too and he said yes...hehe. he asked how he did. i said u did good.

after T session i went to my friends house and we watched a lifetime movie. it was pretty ridiculous but its fun to lay there and make fun of it with her.

i woke up really early and went to bed late so i am pretty tired right now. but overall i feel good about things

thanks for reading if u made it all the way to the end!!!

I've mentioned before nicotine as a cognitive enhancer especially in sz....now they're working on meds that activate the same pathway....entering phase three clinical trials so it will be a while but there's hope...might help people quit smoking if they can get the same benefits without....

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/842960#vp_1

I'm glad you saw it through and sharing your story will likely really help others....

thank you sometimesP!! it was hard , but i am proud of myself for doing it.

I enjoy them, except when there's tornadoes. There's a tornado siren down the street and it's scary when it goes off

there were sirens going off yesterday night here. sorry bluebird. i was going through tornado trouble last night too.

I'm glad you went and it was OK. I wouldn't be able to do that right now.

theres a siren at the college down the road. they blasted it on new years at midnight

Tornado season should be soon but it's snowing for some reason..

That reminds me of college when in certain dorms people would pull the fire alarms at night so as to see people run out barely clothed....luckily I didn't live in one of those dorms....