Roll Call 53

Yeah it doesn't release until Friday here, you guys must have gotten it early----

thank you

Now that you say it yeah we did get it early, didn't realise it was a whole week early though. Europe FTW!

I'm so close to failing.

I really want to go to college, can't do that if I fail.

I'm feeling scared like something bad is going to happen.

I remember saying that 3 months ago before the psychosis and Klonopin-Concerta OD.

I get that feeling right before panic attacks, and when my paranoia is ramping up.

Slept most of the day away...woke up around noon to put dinner in the crockpot and then went back to sleep.
I hate when I sleep like that. I don't even think I was tired.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

4 more packs

Screw it.

I'm spending so much money. Might as well spend another 200 on whatever Idk dealer won't answer his phone so screw it. I messaged twice and didn't know what to so I froze like I do with conversations. The methylphenidate helped to organize my thoughts I'm going to do something stupid I feel

Why the hell is there a cop car here?

I'm about to lose it. Psychiatrist appointment idk what to say. The therapist says that is thought blocking

I hate this I don't see the point in life trying to fix an illness that can't be fixed. But this is me thinking negatively * it I'll go to the group

Anhedonia is something I fear. My psychiatrist was left saying nothing after I told him how horrible it was. My only escape was alcohol. Waking in the morning wanting to feel SOMETHING was so addictive. What's the point of life if there are only sour moments, never sweet content feelings ever again??

If they treat that as though its just an unfortunate side effect then **** them. Take away all my creativity, take away all beauty and just live in a mechanical world that life isn't worth living.

I'd rather be on the brink of suicide than to never experience those transcendental moments in life where im at awe, feeling my heart beat, looking out the window thinking about art or beautyl

its 56 here now.
it rains a lot in the spring and north texas is in tornado alley so yea upper texas it rains quite a bit. overall it does.

my phone wouldnt send texts for an hour and the cell company advised me to turn it off for 10 minutes and then on.

those were the best 10 min ive had in a long time...

Waiting for the bus and wondering what I did right to have these amazing little people that call me mom. I'm a lucky woman.

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I wish I could bottle up these feelings for the days I feel worthless.

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You could make a self care kit that has photos and write about how you feel right now then you can pull it out if you feel worse.....

thats a good idea.
i like to take polaroids with my polaroid camera and then on the white tabs write something and stick it somewhere like on a photo mobile i have or on a photo line in my room or maybe in my self care box i made.

I'm a bit calm after talking to a friend here. He told me things that are real and I trust that.

Apart of it is going home on Sunday. I can't wait, literally..

My litter sister texts me sometimes saying she misses me.

I think I should think about the things when I'm outside and not the negatives in the hospital - Therapy..

This is a great idea.

I've been in a bit of a dull mood all day. I've been smoking my ecig more than I normally do.

Making s'mores with the kids. We 're a dessert before dinner kind of family. Heh.

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in the past few years ive tried to go away from thinking about the past too much and overthinking about things in general. now i wonder if going and taking philosophy classes would only make matters worse.

i never realized i could major in something like overthinking about life. wow. what a surprise.

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I love having bonfires and roasting marshmallows

I just saw a turkey fly across the road twice on my way home....it was really cool, I've never seen them in the city before...

Haha! My mom and I were walking one day a few years ago and one jumped out of a ditch and scared the hell out of us lol

Yeah they are huge!