Roll call 55

Nvm I just got up.

New roll call! :]

Is is weird to miss the hospital.. Idk a few people said that everyone does. Makes sense because of the state of that hospital.

Everyone should be waking up for breakfast there and are given meds. I liked free breakfast xp

Morning Tweaky, thanks for the RC. I think it's normal to miss it. Speaking of waking up and having breakfast. I'm super hungry.

yea sometimes i miss the hospital. most times i dont anymore tho.

i cant believe we are on roll call 55. i remember when we were on roll call 5

I did badly on my History test....

Oh well, I guess I'll try harder next week.

I was miserable in the hospital with the worst time of akathasia imaginable. It went untreated no matter how much I insisted something was wrong. other than that I did enjoy the community and talking to the older people. They felt so lonely for some reason and striking up a conversation would open up a whole new world for them. They didn't feel a part of the community, so they wouldn't speak in group therapy, unless you made them feel like a human being. I miss that.

Also, there was this one woman going through mania, we told each other our histories and diagnoses. I told her that people aren't their disorder, because everyone hated her for it. She told me, after a year long psychosis that I almost didn't make out alive, and lost everything, that if it only takes a year to be great, isn't it worth it?

What a thing to say...

There a many moments I miss it.

People, I'm a bit stuck here. I was asked by one of the lads out of my old college course to head out with them on Wednesday as they're finished their degree and all their exams. I should be finishing with them but I dropped out 2 years ago. I went out with them last year after their exams and it was great fun. But now that they're finished and they're celebrating that I feel like a bit of an outsider going out with them, because I dropped out.

What do you guys think I should do? Should I head out with them or not? I'm not sure, maybe this is just me being a little bit paranoid. I get on great with them and they are my friends, I just haven't seen any of them in about a year. Hmmm. :/

I can imagine how you feel, all the people I used to hang out with have finished uni and got proper jobs and I was doing nothing and I felt like a failure when I saw them. But at the end of the day they are still your friends so they won't be judging you they will just be glad to see you. I say go for it you'll probably have a great time.

Do it. It's like getting on a bicycles. Once you're on there is no thought, you're just doing it. If you are really nervous write out a list of topics, jokes, and interesting things related that you can all understand. You can do it.

I was fine with the bumps on my inner lip until I saw the black dot on the inside of my cheek.

My mom says that she thinks it's ok just a blood clot but we're going to make a doctors appointment anyways just in case..

@Chickenfoot, do it! I always said no to parties and I regret that.

Thanks for your replies and insight guys. I think I may as well head out, sure if I'm not having a good time I'll just head home!

I don't think it's weird, I've heard many people say things like this.

I've never missed the hospital but it seems pretty normal for a lot of people to miss certain things about it.

Lol, I know right?

The bolded part, yeah that happened to me when I was in the hospital in early 2013. Worst akathisia I've ever had and they did nothing even though I couldn't sleep or sit still at all and just UGH... I hate Saphris.

I'm so isolated and I really liked talking to people there. Now I'm back in my basement. Thinking that it's midnight when it's actually noon.

Akathesia is one of the most mentally painful feelings I think.

Right now on Abilify, I tense every muscle in my body and then let go. It works. I was told to do that during meditation sessions etc

I can't type while thinking about these random thoughts and then forget everything in the .... <<<<<---- example.. Screw it. I hope my new psychiatrist won't be such a prick and actually take my words seriously like the one in the hospital.

I know isolation sucks but I had to chuckle when I read this because I live in the basement too!

I refer to akathisia as chemical torture for a ****ing good reason.

I can relate to the thought disorder **** too, when I'm doing badly I just have too many thoughts and they all spill everywhere and I forget what I was saying or going to say or whatever because my brain is on ****ing overload all the damn time.

i say go too, it might motivate you more too

I remember being stupid and taking 12mg Risperdal (wtf they capitalize this * ?) at night to knock me out and woke up feeling so weird. I went to one class and it was bad. For some odd reason, I wasn't able to look my teacher in the eyes. I couldn't absorb any information. I was a zombie.

Then evidence piled up on me. People reading my mind and eachothers minds and more people talked to me than usual.

I got the * out of there to get sleep. Huge paranoia that I'd be hunted down by the police with helicopters following me so I started to run a little.

I got into my bed and wow.. It felt like I mentally hurt my brain.

Bed, stand up, bed, stand up, bed, stand up.. I heard a voice saying "Get off the ground" while I was in bed.

in the mail today

By the way, I like your prose.

I almost had to live in a basement too! Instead I get a small room. God, I feel like I can't date living with my mom and I'm 32. That's the hardest part for me. Many women want a man who can provide, and I can hardly survive.

If only we could objectify a soul and they'd know that it takes chaos to bring forth a dancing star.