Safe Place

I know my attempt wont kill me i know i will just end up really sick and someone will save me. (I.e me) but i can't help it i have to try even if it means ending up in a mental hospital, at least it means im becoming braver with each attempt to face death and closer to not feeling this pain

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I am sending a hug for you, hope you feel better soon Angelique

Please hang in there passionfruit

Thank you, 12PM!

Are you OK, passionfruit?

I feel so lonely.. I came to this safe place just to feel safe

i am lonely too. im with you on that. 12pm

We both feel lonely so theoretically we are not alone

yet im still actually alone but i get what youre saying

My dad may or may not have something wrong with his kidneys I always fear losing my family this makes it worse just wondering and results are not back in I am so fearful I will lose my dad and my sanity and I just need to not do that I just need to escape

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But you don't know yet if there's cause to worry, right? Still, I know I often catastrophize too. It's not easy to stop.

I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare. That's what psychosis feels like for me. Everything looks and feels sinister. The world is falling apart the dimensions are collapsing. If I looked outside that's what I'd see. You know something horrible is going to happen. That's what it feels like

im still having a terrible time with signs,i was talking to my friend [im] and had really wanted to discuss something and saw the sign stop on another page while i was talking so thought i can no longer bring it up.

i decided to keep talking but about something else but i felt like i had ignored the sign by still talking, all i could think was bad things are going to happen because of this my bfs going to cheat on me etc,for ignoring the sign.

Had a breakdown yesterday. Fortunately the pillow drowned out the sobs so my family does not make me leave my voices...

Why do meds need like a month to kick in? My new dosage of abilify makes me depressed..

Yes it makes the voices loud less but the side effects are sucks. Talked to my Pdoc about this already and he said I need to give it a time to finally kick in. But I am dying waiting now..

I hate to say this but it took three months for Abilify to kick in for me. I hope it is much sooner for you.

Thanks for the info Angelique, i really appreciate this. Idk maybe I am just a bit overwhelmed right now..

Yes, probably.

I don't understand.
Does it count as paranoia if I know they are paranoid thoughts?

I thought conquering our fear and paranoia was suppose to help but it just makes me more anxious.
I have a lot of irrational fears,e.g if I log into a site from the Middle of the page rather than the top something bad will happen,if I add extra olive oil while I cook something bad will happen,it's really not good atm.
I got so use to being like this that im only now trying to break through it by doing these things but it just leaves me anxious.
I think a lot of us feel that by doing these things we are in control of everything,when I use the top of the page or etc etc I feel much calmer all day.so how on earth are we suppose to get over this.

Even though I have been diagnosed as schizophrenic I don't believe this is what is wrong with me,I am partly from a tribe called the pondo,in that tribe they have women shamans called Iquirras etc,I dreamt three times that I was one of them,really early on in my life before I really understood what it meant.

In this culture when you have been chosen to be one by the ancestors,you start to have
Umbilini which Is called severe anxiety in our culture or paranoia etc,you start to go crazy,you have visions etc.
You can read more here.
http://www.wits.ac.za/placesofintere...ossession.html

Since this seems to be the case in other cultures too,like every shaman is suppose to go through it,I would not be surprised if many schizophrenics are healers.

I'm experiencing dysphoria with a low level of anxiety. The Cogentin is so far toning down my anxiety. But everything is bothering me. The ringing and whooshing in my ears is so distressing. I wish I could go back before everything got so bad. Getting old with all my problems is horrible.

My meds better kick out soon, I feel more and more depressed each day..


Thank God, I am such a stubborn, otherwise I’d have given up long time ago. MEDS!! Why don’t you work you lazy!

Feel utterly depressed today,feel im being controlled by spirits even tho I've had no voices for two years,every night I sit there confused and upset by something I did that day that caused some huge problem and made no sense to me.and the next day I have to try and fix it all.

I know some people get voices that tell them to do stupid things like hurt themselves etc,I never get that at all,just really stupid things that never make any sense later,or they scare me so bad that I move out of the apt that I just moved into that day,then im stuck with the aftermath,it's like im a complete robot or something.

Your stubbornness is a blessing! Don't lose that. The outlook that you hold is a light to others as well. I hope your meds start to help with your depression soon.