Safe Place

Justme, I understand where you are. It is a very hard place to be. I used to get like that every 2-3 weeks for nearly a year.

Then, in January, I was talking to my brother. He had seen a movie (I think it was Birdman?) in which the main character killed himself at the end. My brother told me how disturbed and emotionally upset he was from the movie. Something clicked, and I realized how much more devastated he would have been if his own sister killed herself.

The suicide of a loved one is not something that people get over. Not ever. My dad's sister died in college (not from suicide; she was hit by a drunk driver) and I was told that my grandma was never the same since. Losing someone close to you, especially a child, changes you forever.

You are important, to so many people, including everyone here. We would all really miss you were you to jump off that bridge.

Please stay safe. Even if that means inpatient. The hospital really isn't that bad. I made a ton of friends when I went in.

I've been in hospital before a few times but I can't go back in. Plus it's not the same in the UK they don't let you just sign yourself in you have to be assessed and be bad enough to go in. They do everything to keep you out.

Justme,

I was walking on the trans Canada highway with trucks and tankers centimetres away from me. Just so I can think realistically. That didn't work. Before that, I was thinking about suicide for hours or even 14 hours a day. I still wanted to do it. I went to class, sat down, then got back up and put my books on my desk and walked out to tell my principal what I was thinking, the voices ect. He then called my family and they sent me to the hospital.

I took more clonazepam and apparently I had alcohol in my system as well. Same with the psych hospital I was at. I wasn't drinking! I'm glad that I have the 10 or so pages of how I was when I was 16. I didn't read It yet but that days was when my aunt took it, read it and then gave to my mom so she could read it because I couldnt remember anything on Klonopin.

There's no stopping such a lack of insight for these people that were severaly depressed but you can help and give comfort. think about reasons to live and with anhedonia it's harder. I hate being the centre of attention especially when people complain about ways that relate to my illness which flies right over their head.

One of my many therapists in that hospital said I would be a good counsellor. But I don't think I'm that social anymore and have no awareness like a slow progression and then, BANG, Clonazepam induced schizophrenia :/

Think as well as you can. If you're not sure if something is real, I'd ignore I'd say and find a way to prove it even to large corporations

the voices are cowards, waging war on my mind, my soul, my body remotely. Mind control is for cowards. beings or people that seek undue power over another. they play god, pretend to like me, then attempt to destroy me. good cop/bad cop. announcing they are the government. IM THE GOVERNMENT! the government is for and by the people, with laws and rights.

You have to be assessed here as well but typically being suicidal is a criteria that guarantees admission. Why can't you go back in again? So far as I can tell we're talking about the possibility of you living or not----I think that's worth going back into the hospital for.

Kind of feel at the end of my rope. Classes are done, but the latuda made me completely unstable and I did poorly in my classes. I went from being an A student to maybe not graduating. I'm waiting for my prof to call me to see if I passed his class. I've been feeling irrationally angry because I was stable for so long until I went on latuda and it ruined so much. Just been crying everyday because I feel overwhelmed.

Also everyone is overwhelmed with all my disabilities/illnesses. I have a therapist that specializes in transgender issues, but they don't know much about my other issues so they never get addresses. Idk what to do about that. I had a normal therapist once who was actually helpful, but once I told them who I really am and felt they said I need a transgender therapist more than anything.

Why not get a second therapist?

I didn't know you could do that. How do I get a second one? Will the first one be mad about it?

It's not your fault....it's a bad situation and I'm sure you had a good reason to try latuda it's supposed to be one of the best drugs out there right now. Try seeing this as a temporary setback. Things will get better now that you're stable again.

I don't think they would be mad about it no, you're just going to someone with a different specialty. Usually you can ask for a recommendation from psychiatrist.

I hope so. I went from an A to a D- in my class and idk if I can graduate with that grade. I called my prof and left a message for him to call me back. I'm scared about not graduating because I've been accepted to a four year university and idk what happens if I don't graduate.

What kind of therapist should I get? I noticed there aren't any that specialize in schizophrenia and only do mood disorders,anxiety,depression,eating disorders, etc. I have a lot of issues the ones I need help the most is eating disorders, bipolar component of illness, coping with ptsd/rage, and maybe bpd/self harm.

I like cbt/dbt because they deal with things that are happening right now and dbt is the only therapy that works for bpd so it might be a good fit for you. I honestly don't know as much about the other therapy types, maybe they would know on the therapy forum?

So cbt therapy teaches coping skills?

i feel like people are out to hurt me. my welfare. like they know im up and coming and they wanna shoot me down for it. i ran this past my therapist one time. she understood it for 1 second. the part that i feel people are trying to get me. that they are OUT TO GET ME.

i watched this documentary called 1971. about these student journalists in 1971 who stole documents from the FBI and exposed them of doing illegal activity and in in return the FBI retaliated and did stuff like had people break into their dorms and threaten them and stuff.

like THIS IS REAL LIFE.
this is REALLY HAPPENING.
this is forreal. and no one will ever believe me.

I feel like this too which is why I stay inside all the time when my boyfriend isn't home. Idk how to cope with it really, but I feel safer when I'm with another person because usually people who harm groups of people.

I've been on a complete rampage since yesterday.

My mom threatened to call the cops on me and get me sent to the hospital.

Things aren't going well at all with no mood stabilizer so we're going to call my doctor next week and see what my options are.

yep......

I hope that they can sort that out for you quickly and it's not too messed up with the holiday.

You know you have sz...you know paranoia is a symptom of sz...is it more likely that people are after you and yet no one has found you despite your social media presence or it is more likely this is just a symptom? The only thing that worked for this kind of stuff for me was meds....

I'm glad you're calling your doctor after the weekend hopefully things work out and you get stabilized soon.

I'm sorry you feel targeted. Your right though you are up and coming you have a lot of potential. I'm glad you can see that

Sorry to hear blue bird. Maybe it would be best to go back on medications. Don't feel like it's a failure though you tried it and it didn't work and that's okay.

well im on meds. and ive been taking them which is good.

the thing is... yes i have a presence online BUT im up and coming but i really havent done much yet to put myself out there...to REALLY put myself out there and show myself to the world but when i do will the FBI AND all those that see me be threatened? i feel like they will.

i see my sz.
maybe i am paranoid. but at the same time i feel extremely sure of this. my first time when i really broke the earths core i was hounded by people. when i got on the news a private investigator came to my house. and stuff.

when will the second i "break the earths core" be? and when that happens what will happen then? idk.