Roll Call 61

Heading to see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I'm going to ask him about coming off meds, his opinion and all. I really don't think they're doing anything for me. I'm getting better all on my own it seems. Will be interesting, I'll keep you posted.

But how do you tell if it's you that's doing better without the help of the meds or if it's the meds?

I finally realized it's the meds, for me at least.

I had a phone like that. I think you can still connect it and explore and see what's in there.

I'm not going to the primary care doctor. I'm too exhausted. I didn't sleep until 5am today after staying up for almost 47 hours. My friend wanted me to open my bank account before work. So I had to woke up at 8:30am. So after 47 hours, sleeping 3 and a half hours. I finally got home at 12:45pm. I sat down for a few minutes to let my anxiety meds kick in and went to bed at 1. I woke up at 2:30 because of the doctors appointment. So I've slept 8 and a half hours in the past 56 hours. I just couldn't sleep. I just started a new AD but 54% experience tiredness and sedation but it's like doing the opposite. Is that supposed to happen? I'll talk to my doctor tomorrow. I'm too exhausted to get out of bed and it literally, my entire body, hurts. It feels like I slammed my entire body against a wall. Plus I can't shake the feeling it's a trap, so I'm not going to my doctors doctor today. I can't sleep and it's starting to irritate me very badly.

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they most likely cant do much since im taking courses online from so far.

i think i made a mistake by taking 3 classes or made a mistake by the professors i chose. because i got some pretty crappy professors

Some anti depressants can cause insomnia and they can sometimes trigger mania or hypomania

newtus - I just had my Haldol raised to 30 mg from 20. I'm writing this because I used to get really tired from my Haldol too when it was raised to 15 mg and then again when it was raised to 20. That side effect is greatly improved now. I take all my Haldol at night and sleep through the worst of the side effect.

I still sleep like 13 hours a night but that is because I need an escape from my illness. Sometimes I have to lay awake a while before I can fall back asleep but I do.

wow. i cant afford to sleep 13 hours a night but i lay in bed all day. lethargic.

its just not a life to live.

I want a trial period off them, I've been on the consistently for nearly 2 years.

Thanks. I was about to disagree but you're absolutely right. It wasn't intended to come off literally though. Just how i feel. It's crazy how well I'm doing. I do acknowledge that one day I might not be so well and "cured" It's like saying zero paranoia because it isn't as bad on meds. I just attempt to trick my mind so I can live in the moment without thinking about it. Doesn't help much. I'm the type that says f that I'll drink with my new meds. My mom won't even let me have a beer and I can't say no to her because I'm an adult now at 19 which isn't much further away from not being an adult. I respect that. Stopped smoking, drinking...

Concerta abuse after taking extreme unheard of doses? Nope. It's come to the point where taking them as prescribed is what I need where I actually enjoy life more than a 4-6 hour high and a week crash. It's not even enough but I'll be ok. If he says no to upping Concerta to 90-108mg (20-24mg Ritalin 3-4 times a day), I'll switch to Ritalin 60mg (20mg Ritalin 3x a day) or Provigil/Nuvigil cuz amphetamine sucks. Everyone says not to just pop an upper or a downer when needed. It's just the way I like to use it. Concerta is better. Kicks in faster and lasts longer without any ups and downs but rather a "Times up. You can't focus. Just pass out and sleep early. I'll see you in the morning".

Cured would be without meds. I mean Prozac works for OCD and completely killed my anxiety and if I mess with the doses, it's not good. I've messed with my meds so many times to realize to just stop doing that ****.

Curiosity killed the cat?

I'm pretty sure I used more than 9 lives.

I've noticed that I've been talking 10 times more to the point where I become annoying.

Disability is finally paying for the injection because even though it's like 750 dollars, there was controversy so they said fine. Welfare pays for the Concerta. "But it's still a stimulant.."

"Nope. It's a medication now. Problem?? Talk to the 6 year olds on Adderall and I have a dealer anyways". That would keep people like that away from me.

im shaking from anxiety. literally. idk how im gonna tell my parents i dropped this class. my mom already points out the flaws of my body. yesterday she pointed out i had dark circles around my eyes and that i need to fix them. im sick of being told whats wrong with my body. being ridiculed for dropping this class may be no different from what shes been ridiculing me from. everything from my weight to the circles around my eyes to exercising to this...

im not ok right now.

i broke into tears about this. sobbing.

It will be OK, newtus. I wish your mom didn't criticize every little thing about you. I hope you know she's just projecting her own insecurities.

what AD? some of them have done that to me

We had to put my Mum's dog to sleep today. I wish I hadn't been right about him: I wish it had been a simple infection. I cut his hair yesterday to see how many lesions he had and there were loads and also multiple internal masses. Then today he vomited blood and the vet said that it must be malignant and he probably wouldn't last the night. It's very uncommon in such a young dog, and it has all appeared within the last month. I really wanted to be wrong, or at least it be benign. My mum is devastated. My grandfather died a month ago too but that felt completely different. He was 90 and had dementia, and he was ready to die. This just feels really sad.

*Willow*

i hope.

i broke down sobbing on skype with Door2015. i felt so embarrassed. but it felt cathartic. and i felt peace and love wash over me.

Well that's good. Im glad you found some relief!

You could take a break from your mom. She is chronically critical.

If that isn't realistic, then the minute she starts saying something critical - immediately yell STOP! Tell her you will hang the phone up if she says one more word - and then start talking about your chickens or something. YOU have the power to put a stop to it. You will feel better if you try to take charge of what you allow yourself to listen to. Don't give her the power, Newt.

Has it been two years since the incident with trying to get a chip out of your head?

They should be able to help you regardless.

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That was around a year ago.

I'd rethink the idea of coming off meds. I'd hate to see you fall back into that black hole again.

yep , your just gettn married , why dont you get settled into married life for a while before tryn to do something like this?

I think it's hard knowing when the right time to try going medication-free is. It's hard to know exactly how much the meds are helping & what might happen if you come off meds. In many ways its a bit of a gamble.

What sort of symptoms do you have at the moment? Unless I'm mistaken you had a psychotic episode not all that long ago too, maybe a couple of months?
For me, I'd had minimal symptoms for many months on a low dose of medication before I decided to try going medication-free. I would say you should be in a similar position before you give it a shot.

Perhaps you should try lowering the dose of medication you are on for a while to see what happens first & just take it from there.

I'll be interested to hear what your p-doc has to say on the matter.

Didn't you recently hurt yourself to get a chip out of your ankle or something?

I hope it works out for you though if you do go off them