Roll Call 62

Haha awww I like him! I had heard about him years ago in a documentary to do with the Birmingham six, he really went out on a limb to campaign and help these guys, so I was curious to see how he'd get on in the party election.

He has to be better than David Cameron, C'mon!

I won't tell you what party I voted for in the election then...

Ah Jaysus!!!!

Haha I had a few questionable votes in my lifetime too... it's ok man, it's ok! lol

I daresay going by those standards I'll have a fair few more questionable votes in my lifetime.

right back at you for being caught up in Corbynmania.

i toyed with the idea of spending the night at my moms house. even went so far as to call her and ask her but when i really think about it i dont want to be around her.

im watchigg this documentary on netflix called Rich Hill. its about 3 poverty stricken kids in Rich Hill - Missouri. they are under middle class.

one kid said "i pray to god every night but nothing comes through. i figure hes busy with everyone else. but that doesnt stop me from praying". another teenage boy was raped by his stepfather.

i need to thank god everyday for my life that its not poverty stricken. but ive been there for a year before.

this is really triggering for me but its hard not to watch.

Speaking of Netflix I just subscribed to it again after not having it for several years. I forgot how awesome it is. It takes my mind off food (I'm dieting), takes up time, and helps me improve my concentration if I make myself watch a show all the way through and not be simultaneously surfing the web

My friend left the back room about 500x messier than it was before. We only got two newer boxes out of it. I'm very upset. The mess is making me so depressed I don't know what to do. I tried to straighten up and I did a little but it's a lost cause because there's no place to put anything! I'm very upset and I wish I could just be through! I just want everything over!

i went to group and saw T. we talked about what happened last week when i got upset over something he said. it was in regards to my suicide plan. at one point T was talking and he paused and thought a lot then finally said something like we've done a lot of good work together. then he said if i killed myself he would kill me.

group is going ok. i seem to freak out the night and morning before group.. but after a while its ok being there.

im at my moms house right now

There's nothing much to eat here. I have to order groceries and I'm really depressed. I won't get them until a day or two after I place the order though.

Watching Star Trek just sort of. I like the synthesizer music. It's kind of gloomy.

I found out someone I once knew died a while back jumping out of a window. It's sad. He had a lot to live for.

What's everyone up to tonight?

i just feel so depressed. i think part of it has to do with my mom and things shes said to me. she doesnt care to see me. i dont get to spend time with my dad. he doesnt have enough time. i have no friends IRL. i keep thinking of my parents death. what will i do when their gone?

i really want my life over

sleeping away my time mostly right now.

I know how you feel. my mother never wanted to spend time with me either and after my best friend died I was so alone until I met my friend. Now except for the very hardly ever times I see him I'm completely alone.

I wish I could do that.

life is so sad seems like. seems like theres nothing to be happy about. IM not happy. i feel pretty worthless.

You're not worthless though. You're a wonderful young person and you have a lot to contribute.

thank you
i cant help but think about how much i want to end my life though.

sorry triggering. ugh. im tired of the loneliness

Do you have something to watch on YouTube or Netflix? I'm watching The Nuns Story and it's very creepy because she's working in a mental institution circa 1930 with the patients locked up and traumatized. So glad this isn't 1930!

i think my T would feel really bad if i did kill myself. upset and angry. i dont want to cause others pain. especially my mom. my mom would.. idk... if i died it would not be good. i am not 100% committed to my plan anymore. its still on my mind but i am looking at other options

i have been watching it but everything i watch triggers me. i WAS watching beyond scared straight but i started crying. i watched a documentary but got anxiety and depressed.

You'd destroy them both if you killed yourself. I'd miss you a lot too.
Is there anything cheerful you could watch? Have you ever seen A Hard Days Night (The Beatles)?

I'm glad you're no longer committed to your plan.. I hope you move past this....