Roll Call 62

Group went well.

Having tacos for dinner tonight, Yay!

yay tacos!

also! its national coffee day!

Just back from the cinema. Went to see Everest... quite enjoyed it. It's both a beautiful & harrowing. I realised afterwards that I've read the book Jon Krakauer wrote about it, although not recently enough to draw any parallels.

I can relate to how keeping up that facade of trying to act normal can cause a lot of problems if you don't have a way to relieve the pressure at all. Reminds me of The Center Cannot Hold because Elyn Saks went to psychoanalytic therapy to "take the chains off her mind and fall apart"... And somehow that helped her keep it together while she was going to school.

When I try to act normal for too long I get irritable as hell and things just start going badly in my life anyway so I don't know why I bother... It's why I'm posting here again I need to talk somewhere where I can be anonymous at least mostly...

I lost my train of thought it was going somewhere now it's just a whisper of smoke disappearing underneath the cracks of the line within my soul fracture. But I don't know if I want to talk about that, either. So **** it...

I will consume more coffee to honor the occasion as I'm sleepy as heck anyway!

just came back from my therapist. she was somewhat disturbed by the fact that ive been sick and violently vomiting and came to my appt. since shes a germaphobe. she probably lysoled my chair after.

Newtus,
Check your mail.

i got it!
thank you!

i will read it soon!
its pretty long so im gonna have to break up my time reading it.

I'm buying this for the stray cats next month since it will be getting cold

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...=ATVPDKIKX0DER

thats bold of you.
they are strays. why spend money on them? 55 dollars at that.

My aunt did something like this....the next spring she caught and spayed the mom and got her a new home.....

Because I can afford to, I already feed them every night. If I can eventually get them fixed and find homes. Not bold, it's nothing I should have to defend.

Rant Over.

sorry i wasnt trying to offend you. sorry.

It's okay sorry I went off I'm kind of in a bad mood

my dads been drinking again. its stuff like that that makes me stressed and episodic.

i couldnt handle not having the nicotine high from the ecig so i smoked 6mg of nicotine. to calm myself down from this possible episodic night i might just have.

i was afraid to say this because i thought i might be judged but oh well. im not having a good night.

youre ok bluebird. dont worry. sorry about being in not a good mood.

I'm still on 18 mg. Although I do bounce around between that and 6.

Frozen pizza in the oven, watching the 5th season of the Walking Dead, and drinking an orange sparkling water.

I heard a beautiful song today. I loved the lyrics.

i can handle 6 its just that 0mg was supposed to be a step towards not smoking at all and possibly quitting but i think i cant :/

this really sucks. i feel really stressed out so i put the 6 back in from 0mg.

Hi guys. Hugs to everyone who's feeling crap. Love y'all. I'm driving up to my sisters house tonight. Wish me luck and lots of coffee.

Yeah I wouldn't feel guilty about that. You've been under a lot of stress from being sick. I would be happy if I were down to 6 without getting smoking cravings but I don't see myself ever giving up the vape.

i wanted to give up vaping but its hard and i told my whole family that vaping was a step towards not smoking and in a way it is because im not smoking real cigarettes but im vaping WITH nicotine still in it so i feel like yea like i failed. this is so much harder than i thought.

You have a lot of time to quit, if that's what you want to do. The important thing is you're not smoking anymore! That's still wonderful.

yea i had my last real cig in december of 2014. its almost been a year.

That's wonderful! I smoked in early July. Almost a whole pack, I still have 4 left. I shouldn't have done it. Even now I have the urge to smoke.