Roll Call 63...

Nice Lillybird90.

Morning everyone!

Just back from my walk, managed to go for a walk on 6 out of 7 days this week, only stopped on one day by the torrential rain.

Been feeling a little more tired the past few days, I'm still sleeping okay but I keep having very strange dreams & not feeling as refreshed in the morning. I've got a feeling it might have something to do with my steroid inhaler which I've been using now for coming up to two weeks. I can't find anything about "strange dreams" listed as side effects via Google but it does talk of "sleep disturbances", maybe that includes it.

I woke at around 1 am, and then went back to sleep around 5. And slept until 9. I feel weird and tired. I took a tizanidine last night which is great at putting me to sleep but not very good at keeping me there. Hope everyone is well today.

It's the season premiere of The Walking Dead, maybe I'll stay up to see it tonight.

Was in the hospital for a week, switched from Clozaril to invega and lost five pounds yay.

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Sorry you were in the hospital, but that sounds like a really favorable med switch so yay!

I can't seem to shake out of this feeling of depression and tiredness. It's not severe depression, but it's enough to make me leave the library. The only thing that seems to shake it is truthfully alcohol. It feels like something is simmering in my head and that there is a weight of depression within my skull. I do have a low dosage of Effexor but any more than that and I lose my muse and all art and beauty loses its charms.

I've tried hot cocoa, energy drinks, of course breakfast and a healthy lunch, I take a good omega 3, I have plenty of protein and I mostly drink sparkling water. I have a 10 minute exercise session every morning. I've tried switching my anti depression in the morning and at night and that doesn't work. I'm starting to get really frustrated. Ill see my PDoc later in the month.

I feel like there isn't much hope. If this is the best case scenario then at least I'm stable, can write, and do all the things I want. I just have to push myself hard. I never had depression around noon time before I was bipolar.

Earlier in the week I felt awesome. I had excellent focus and an abundant amount of energy. I tried repeating the routine that I had that day and my body wasn't having it.

Okay there is my little diatribe.

Listening to a lecture from the great courses........apparently junk food activates dopamine leading to an addiction like state but I wonder if part of the weight gain associated with APs is compensatory in an attempt to raise dopamine in a blocked state?

I have about 25 different courses on my phone to listen to. Rufus Fears and Daniel robinson ones are great. Elizabeth vandesomethingor other is great with Greco roman antiquities.

Which course are you listening to?

Okay, so I'm writing quotes on Aristotle, some are very large... It's almost as if I have to write 1 third of his book for anyone to fully grasp the work entirely. I guess that's why I have to do a separate one on virtues and vices, the perfect life, and friendship. I've got like 9 pages so far of quotes and I'm only on page 30. I read further than that, but then I thought I better quote as I go so I'm playing catch up.

Plato and Nietzsche were so much easier with all the metaphors and examples. This ethical work by Aristotle is dryer than the Sahara. I'll spruce it up with my own examples but darn it. I want whoever is reading this to see what the philosopher wrote down and not for them to just take my word for it. I have to find a balance after I get the quotes so that I wont bore the reader with too much. I was expecting each dialogue be 10-20 pages long.

First world problems! lol

Mind body medicine, satterfield....I really like it watched around 2/3 of the course a year or so but finishing up now.

My first degree is from OU and i took Fears' course on ancient Rome. He was truly a gifted speaker, and he had that knack for making complex things easy to understand. The class was actually in an auditorium for a thousand people and there were more standing in the aisles. he was so talented professors were jealous of him and criticized him for being an entertainer rather than a scholar.

Hey guys, my dad is looking to buy an iPad 2 and is convinced you can download all the latest movies for free on it. I think it's ****** but he's adamant that his friend has all the latest movies free on his iPad NOT Android. I haven't used iOS in a long time so he could be right but I'm pretty sure he's not. Can anyone prove me right or wrong here?

I suppose if he's pirating them, but no that's not included.....

He thinks there's an app that shows pirated movies but I thought they where all on android. I find it hard to beleive there'd be one on iOS

An app that shows pirated movies? That makes zero sense.

I know yeah that's what I'm thinking. I know you have apps like showbox on android where you can stream pirated movies but I've never heard of it on an apple device.

He is very pleasant to listen too... but he just nudges you to read them for oneself. In my opinion he doesn't have the depth in his lectures on the teaching company. He passed away not too long ago... I learned a lot by him and I picked up a few books because of him too. Great, passionate professor.

In one of his lectures on confucious he goes off on a diatribe comparing confucious, jesus and Socrates as the greatest teachers. That one lecture more than any other had my hand on my chin thing "hmmm".

Lucky bastard!

So many really smart people on here!

The Irish accent is strong with this one.

I( think the government should hire the greatest and best professors a lectern to stand at and give lessons that cultivate its citizens to the brightest ideas and sweetest moments ever written and said. The teaching company is as close as you can get. They took a weird turn though. Now they have lessons on wine and crap that don't really give any direction in life unless one just wants to be an wine expert. Their older stuff is great though!

Neil, if you don't mind me asking, what are you doing with your degree? Did your dx put that on fire or are you in a position that you enjoy?

had a great day

Eventually, I'm going to examine my posts here to get a better grasp of things like if there's a pattern, time making a graph with observed mood rating or something, how much I obsess about drugs and related things, etc..

What I am going to say is something I can't see. There is so much to life and this can get better and it will. I rarely get windows of insight like that.

I'm taking my meds as prescribed. I only get 1 Concerta a day until the next refill. 3 instead of two would make me content but it's just a fixed belief. Remember who you are on stimulants and remember the illness in comparison.

I want to test my insight because I think it's something different like genetic and could probably help a lot of people. Maybe it's a breakthrough in schizophrenia I don't know. I'm always trying to find a cure when I'm not well. The fact that stimulants do what they do, the tolerance, the weed, how antipsychotics make such a huge difference, pretty much psychoactive benzos for me, increasing psychosis 5x..

I write all the time but I can't finish my English right now because I skipped a few assignments and will go back to them but it's messing with my head.

There's a decline in creativity. I'm not going to stop meds because of that even though I want to. It just makes me wonder. Also, how the hell benzos make me symptomatic.

To my future self, never forget that you can succeed if you just take a step outside. You can be provided with help and support. Not by using 1k of disability a month to live with your mom. On meds, you KNOW what is real.

I will give you a life and fight for it to my death.

What's the craic with everyone today?

Cabin fever