Roll Call 63...

Just woke up from an unplanned nap, and now I am really disoriented.

i shop at target too. i prefer it over walmart because theres a different demographic that shops there.

it really grates my nerves to hear people scream and especially children. the 3 yr old upstairs had 3 screaming fits today. there was screaming on tv and it made me really mad, i turned off my tv. now there are children outside screaming. it makes me really angry and i just dont like it at all. you guys will probably think i am a bad person but i do not like kids. i would never be a good mother. at work i am polite and nice to the kids, i do not act mean to them at all. i would never do anything to insult or harm a child. but i just do. not. like kids.

this is why i dont want to take my meds in the first place. i gained 10+ pounds plus im tired as heck.

i know how you feel junkdna. im not fond of kids. ive learned to like a few in my early 20s but i just stay away!

I don't like screaming kids either. They're cute when they're playing or in line for school but I never know what to say to one if I have to meet one.

i have the same problem. i dont know how to interact with them

me with spook, 2008

i had some nighttime coffee and it perked me up a bit. but now its time to goto bed...

This is gonna sound stupid but I just said bye to my imaginary friends. It's kind of semi delusional so I have made the decision to move on from "them" with my life and no longer get caught up in conversations with them. I think it was a coping skill I developed to deal with the stress of being homeless when I was younger and not having friends. Hours will go by and I'll be standing there talking to them, I need to be focused on reality..

That sounds like a massive step blue bird. I hope it helps you

Whenever I see children's presenters I always imagine they are miserable and cynical in real life.m and have to pretend to be happy and bubbly lol

Trying to focus on what's happening as part of an illness rather than the truth otherwise I will lose myself again. It's hard not to get sucked in. It all feels so real. I have to learn to accept what is wrong and what is right. The dimensions may be real but I need to live in this one because they won't let me through anyway. So focus on this life. Muddled muddled.

Having coffee. Up at 4 am. Luckily I slept most of 5 hours.

i woke up early. i think im sick. AGAIN! ugh.

I'm so tired. I guess I'm as mentally prepared to go as I'll ever be today. Which isn't saying much at all. I'm feeling sick and everything is kind of awful.

I hope your appointment goes ok...

Thank you, Loial. I have a bad feeling about it. I look pretty bad and I just don't think today is a good day for me. I wish I'd made the appointment on a different day. Oh well, if it really goes disastrously I have a referral from the therapist to another pdoc away from the clinic. So that's good. I just wish I were feeling better. My whole body is aching and it kills my back to stand up. Plus I'm hungry. I'll eat a little cheese in a few minutes. Have to call for the cab by about 10:30. Maybe earlier. I have no idea which jacket to wear. It has been years since I've been outside in fall weather.

I'm praying for ya Angelique. Hope you feel better, and that some positive things come out of your appointment today.

Thank you, Door. I wish I didn't have to see anyone.

Well I'm sitting outside the clinic. A little warm. Too bright.

The waiting room is a nightmare today. I knew it would be.

It's a nightmare hers and I want to leave. They're late and I feel like I could do harm.

I've been waiting over 45 minutes. I might just leave. This is my worst nightmare.

The pdoc is there to help you. Dedicated his/her whole life into being a doctor and helping people.

My new pdoc had to convince me that he is there to help and not against me even though it feels like it.