Roll Call 70

Personally, I never "feel" lonely. I can go weeks without talking to my parents, and have indeed regularly gone many months without talking to anyone but them since I left Uni.

I always find if I haven't talked to someone in a while, I'll get a case of verbal diarrhoea & feel in a good mood. But outwith that, I don't actually feel lonely. I guess in some way I do, but it just doesn't register.

I'm perfectly happy with my own company really. Strange how people react differently to isolation.

I suppose interacting on forums counts for something though. Maybe I'd feel lonely if I wasn't posting.

when i am severely psychotic i dont want to be around anyone. in my first major break i went 2 years without wanting to be around anyone.

it didnt start til this year i felt the loneliness kick in hard. very hard. that doesnt mean i wasnt lonely before this year but it just wasnt as bad.

I get like that...I feel forced to socialize. Right now I'm home alone with my coat on debating to go visit a friend. I don't have to go but feel as though I should. My t says I need to face the ugly Dragon. I get scared/anxious to go out. I think I'm staying in. Although I need gas & lunch. These decisions are difficult for me to make. It freezes me up.

Thanks!

Well done to you too, cutting down isn't easy itself! Have you got any sort of plan for quitting, or just cutting down until you feel ready?

I think where you have got to is a good place for making the leap, whether that's cold turkey or NRT or whatever.

You can wait forever for the right moment really. What tipped me over was the fact I tried to give up a year ago at Christmas too. I just thought, "Do I really want to spend another year "trying" to give up indefinitely"...

Just cutting down as much as possible for now. I'm going to look at quitting entirely during the late spring.

I'm considering the gum, I've noticed that things like sucking on cough drops kills the urges pretty well.

How does socializing feel once you are actually with your friend?

I find when opportunities come around, I don't mind socializing but there's a limit on how much I want to. I certainly wouldn't go out my way to meet up with a friend.

However, when things were bad socializing was just too difficult for me altogether.

If you need to go out for gas & lunch, maybe you should meet your friend since you'll be out anyway. Maybe it'll be better than you think. I understand why you might not want to though.

I never tried the gum. What put me off is you are meant to chew it for a bit, then put it at the side of your mouth, and so on for like 30 mins. Seems like too much hassle to me.

I like the nicotine mouth spray. It can irritate your mouth/throat a bit when you first using it, but you quickly get used to it. It's definitely the best for a quick hit like smoking... I even sometimes find it too much. It's like 1mg per spray, so around the same as a cigarette though.

That's interesting about the spray I'll definitely consider that, thanks!

i went to see T at 10 but he accidentally double booked. he said u got a sec? and took me in the hallway and grabbed his head and said i hate when i do this!!! i said its ok i just hate you , lol. i texted him after i left:



i hope he doesnt feel bad... poor T. i am not mad at all.... im at my moms now

I get those too... certain smells i remember from my past. like how my former T smelled, or the old spice my dad wore

thats a cool text messaging layout you have there.

It's a relief to know its not just me that has that problem...

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It takes me a while to warm up once the small talk is cleared away. I'm not a good listener I daydream and wonder why people put up with me. I turn down lunch dates cuz I'm broke. Another reason it makes it hard to socialize. I'll try to make it out before I get my kids from school. Thanks, I know I have to push myself more. It WILL be better once I'm out and about. Trying not to feel so blah! Just tired of it all...almost feels like putting on a show.

haha thanks

I'll buy the nicotine spray today if it's not a prescription here cuz I don't like vaping. It's better than smoking but I use nicotine as a nootropic and it helps with symptoms. Since vaping, I smoked one cigarette this month.

The spray I think is the safest form of any nicotine product.

The gum messes with enzymes and saliva production for food and isn't that good for you.

Th is is so me... uploadfromtaptalk1453396934959.jpg

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At my t's office, this man sat in the waiting room with me for a 2 o'clock appointment. Turns out he confused his date/time. I felt bad for him since it was like 1 degree outside. I try to stick to the same date/time because it's hard to remember. It stinks though!

i had a craving and long story short never try store-bought frozen sushi

oooooh that does not sound good.....

Group was nice, they got a card for me and everyone signed it. Debating whether to withdraw from school right now and just wait till I'm moved to start up again or what. This disorganization of the whole house is making it hard to focus

You know, the group therapist pointed out something. I am lot stronger than I was say a year ago. I am handling this much better than I expected, part of it is having stronger faith and part of it is having better coping skills. If this had to happen, now isn't such a bad time. Not to say there is ever a "good time" but I can handle stress much better. Sure I'm overwhelmed, that's normal. But I'm not freaking out suicidal and or anything like that.

From what your posts say, you do sound strong. Glad you have the coping skills to manage through this difficult time. Big kudos and hugs!

I'll admit that did cross my mind but briefly and I didn't dwell on it, I know it's not an option

Spray tastes nice. It was like 40 Canadian dollars.

Wow that's expensive!