Roll Call 72

Good morning and happy v day. Hope everyone enjoys their day.

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My fiance doesn't want me to stay over tonight because he's in work tomorrow and apparently he hasn't slept properly the last few nights. I'm grinding my teeth and shaking in my sleep because the meds are going out of my system. I can control it somewhat while I'm awake. Still think he's being a **** though.

**** is censored... wtf lads

Yeah , happy valentines day , I got 5 + 1 dates , tonight , stoked

Atypical, Junk and newtus, yas are all great and I enjoy your posts.

Yeah , well , your fine , use the site when you want. You don't have to move away.

Crickey everyone's having a wobble probably the day that's in it..

Thanks everyone I guess I got paranoid hahaha.

Thanks guys for reassuring me... I'm at best buy with my mom

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thank you chickenfoot.
youre the only person that said you enjoy my posts.

sigh

on another note my friend? told this guy im freaked out by him moving too fast. i told her what he said about marriage but i never said i was freaked out. i never said i needed her help, which she said i told her that...

i dont know what to think.
i mean this girl rarely talks to me and then tells this guy that.

i went to the movie theatre. walked in and walked out. i couldnt even see the movie. i just have a lot on my mind right now.

relationship, school, plus ssa is reviewing me. and some other minor things.

I hope things settle down for you soon. You have a lot going on.

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thank you for that, i just dont realize why she did that...ive never done that to her despite all her boyfriends she goes through. ive never talked to them at all. or tried to "help" her with stuff. her and i arent that close so idk what she was trying to do. i feel sort of sabotaged...in a way.

idk im really confused right now. i havent had something that messed with my emotions like this in a long time. many years. i feel so nervous and paranoid about stuff. like i need to isolate.

She's friends with him right? Maybe she was trying to help him out....

maybe she was.
but it didnt seem like that.

theres a saying. bros before ho's.
except the female version in this case.

maybe theres some truth to that.
i feel like i should keep my friends before guys.
especially since this guy is slightly confused because of his mental illness. he is just all over the place with his emotions. i dated some with bpd for many years and this feels like the same situation...
when he is confused, i am confused.

but i really like him...
i hope im not just settling. you know?

i reread that.
i dont know what she would be helping him out with... :/

Guys, you are all more than welcome here... wouldn't be the same without any of you.

This is possible. Maybe she was trying to tell him to slow down before he blows it. Still not cool but it's better than thinking it was sabotage. Maybe you could ask her?

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It's really cold here today. It's in the negatives with the windchill. I hate the cold. I was born in the wrong place. I'm sitting in front of the fire enjoying the heat. I wish it were in the bathroom so I could shower without freezing.

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yea i should. i completely blew up in her face. i feel complete crap now but i dont feel like its my fault. everytime something happens to somebody i have to be the one to say sorry. even if it happens to me. i still have to say sorry.

but i still probably shouldnt have blown up in her face. or by text in this case.

im not even feeling good right now. i actually feel so depressed. partly because this guy is so, i think, suffering from schiz so much, that hes confused by life.

I like everyone's posts too. <3

Want everyone here to know i appreciate them, y'all are very nice and deal with all my BS.

Mortals, pfft.

If anyone here is into cute Japanese stuff I suggest the site Kawaii Shop Online Store For Cute Japanese Squishy Donuts & Squishy Buns, gifts, accessories and stationeries ? - Kawaii Land I'm obsessed with it lol ordered some Hello Kitty squishies and re-ment blind boxes

My new med cocktail is working out as much as it can. However, I'm not feeling the passion which I can't stand. It's driving me crazy and my mind feels kinda hazy. I can't tap into that feeling where your arm hair rises, and you feel gravity letting you go as you flow through whatever work you're on, but you can't make it glow and glisten. I listen to music with no singers, whether it be electronic, industrial, classical, a mix of the three. This is better than not feeling anything at all. I feel like I'm being pulled down, when all I want to do is reach up. This sucks.

Does anyone feel me? Do any of you no longer feel deeply?