roll call 89

If all of this world is made up in my head like the messages tell me why would I create terrorism and poverty and depression and all the ****ed up **** in the world like wtf is wrong with me

My best friend sent me a card and some money. Its about 2 am now and can't sleep so ordered a pizza! I've never ordered food this late before, its kinda fun. My sister will be coming over with my gift later

maybe your not getting enough water like dehydrated? I seem to get that when I haven't drank enough water.

I am seeing people coming out of walls today with knives and they are cutting up my arms. Its crazy....and I keep hearing my name come out of the music even though they are in ear earphones because my other ones broke.

Good morning. Hope everyone is having a good day.
Today is grocery shopping day. My least favorite chore. I also have to bring my daughter out to get a gift for BFF day.
What's everyone else up to?

Leopard doctor here to help

I'm so lonely here. I'm so exhausted in my soul. I don't know if I have any fight left in me. It doesn't feel like it.

You can do it =]

Thank you, Tweaky. How is/was.your vacation?

My social anxiety is too extreme here and I can't make friends with anyone apparently. The guy who is sweet to me may have DID because there's at least two of him, one is sweet and talkative somewhat, and the other acts like he's never seen me before and doesn't speak.

Another person has been snubbing me since yesterday, and the only person who talks to me never stops talking. Oh yeah, and there's the guy I thought was creepy. He has a creepy laugh, but he's actually pretty nice. So, after at least 3 weeks, that's the extent of my socialising.

I guess I should call my mother soon but now I don't really feel like it. The damned ap's won't let me cry, so I have depression poisons flooding my chemistry. I want to die.

I'm sorry you are feeling so hopeless. My heart hurts for you. I wouldn't do well in a group setting either.

Thank you, valley. This is my worst nightmare. Oh wait, the worst nightmare now is anything bad happening to my friend. They might be equal in horror though.

I went to the grocery store today. Didnt find any essential oils that i liked for my self care box but instead got rosewater room spray.

Theres two things i hate about grocery shopping.

1 is the obvious. The having to wait in long lines to pay and trying to get down aisles that are crowded.

But nothing bothers me more than having to put everything up....

Since my dad is a hoarder, he also hoards food. I cant even BUY frozen food anymore because our freezer is packed with repetitive foods. We have like 9 boxes of sausages, 4 boxes of waffles (i just threw away 3 to fit 2 items i bought today). We have tons of veggies weve never eaten because i had no idea they were there.

I hate it so much. And THEN he buys like 4 cartons of milk. Ugh.

We probably have food from years ago that i dont know about!!!

I hate bringing my friends over because everything is a mess.

I'm trying to decide whether it's worth asking my nurse when I see her tomorrow if there are speakers in the ceilings...?? Twice this evening I have heard "Fault! Battery is more!" coming from the ceiling, but there is no speaker that I can see. There is a smoke alarm, and the lightbulb and the camera, but no speaker. And the sentence doesn't even make sense!! So why would a speaker say it?! Weeks ago, when I first got here, I heard the same voice say a random sentence on 2 occasions, but those times it was out in the hallway. But absolutely nothing since.

It's just weird...I don't want to assume that I'm hearing things if I'm not, but maybe I should just focus on forgetting about it?! I'm not sure I want to ask anyone here about this because they'll just say that I'm crazy. They're hardly going to admit that there are speakers in the ceiling which occasionally say random sentences just to mind**** people, are they?!!!

OMG! It just did it again! "Fault! Battery is more!" WTF is that even supposed to mean????!!!! FFS!

*Willow*

I am now Snapchat friends with my therapist hahaha 😂😂

I also had to grocery shop today! I hate going on Sun because its always so crowded. Now I'm going to eat something, and hopefully relax. If i can.

I shop any day and its always crowded and people don't move when I say "Excuse Me!" when I am crutches like I only have two hands.

I love grocery shopping

I'd forget about telling anyone, if you want to go home. They might keep you longer to tweak your meds. I know how real it can be.

Not trying to downplay your experiences but i cant trust my senses anymore. Even down to taste. I let more stuff roll off my back like water rather than to try to figure out what something is only because ill freak myself out more and go crazy with it.

But telling them may keep you there longer no doubt.

Don't tell anyone anything don't trust them they don't have your best interests at heart. I don't trust to tell anyone because they'll think I'm crazy.

Yeah I just deal with things unless they get too severe

I trust you guys because you guys understand ❤️

Would saying something really change things? You're not on meds so there's nothing to tweak.
I only see a down side. You don't want to give them ammunition.
I'm sorry you are going through this.

Thanks guys

I've realised this is 100% really happening. It's done it 8x now and the last few times "more" kind of sounds like it could be "low" in a weird accent. So it is complaining that its batteries are low, which makes sense. Plus I remembered that the other week it woke me up saying that someone was smoking, which isn't allowed and that staff were coming, so the cigarette smoke detector definitely must have a speaker in it. I'm going to say something because otherwise it will keep it up all night. It's definitely real so there's no downside to saying anything. Plus I'm not on meds to tweak anyway.

But I'm definitely keeping quiet about the spiders! I've figured out if it makes a mess when I hit it with my shoe, then it's real! Otherwise they're not. Really creepy! (I hate spiders!) But I'm sure I will get used to it. I don't want meds, but meds never helped with it anyway the last year I was on them.

*Willow*