roll call 89

Don't do it. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Go to a meeting?

Don't replace one vice with another.

I guess i shouldnt.

My ex gave me his stuff. I took it from him when he came over to my place. Ugh.

I keep thinking, i shouldnt have quit alcohol cold turkey. I want a drink every freaking day seems like this past week. I should goto my mental health group tomorrow. Damn id do anything for alcohol right now. I just remember the fun i would have.

Ironically i quit because all i could remember about was spending my nights with my head down the toilet. Vomiting.

Anyway, i dont have a sponser or anything.

Im not gonna do it. I need to focus on something else.

Im really seriously thinking about getting a question mark tattooed on me. Thats always been my favorite symbol. To me it represents the period of my first major psychotic break and how i was always confused. Even now i get that.

Id also like to get something about self care tattooed on me. Gotta think of ideas for that too.

And of course, save up money.

Thank you cogladaid

I saw my doctor's notes on me. He has me down as 'possible depression with psychotic features' but I don't think I'm depressed. I don't know how I feel about that.

Guess if I want to have a clear diagnosis I actually have to see a psychiatrist...

Always here for you. I know drinking seems like a good idea but it never is. Getting drunk feels good at the time but then all you do is feel like ****. Not worth it at all.

And saving money - not buying booze gives you some extra cash you wouldn't have had before. Win win.

Yea i was spending probably 30 or more dollars a week. Buying 2 jugs of liquor and beer a week or so. Thats like 120 dollars a month saved.

Thank you

I think im hypomanic. Im cleaning and finding everything around me very interesting and i feel happy and alive.

Hearing voices too

I need to goto bed

That was my first dx. Major depression with psychotic feAtures. When i was 16

Counting bodies like sheep to the rhythym of the war drums
(go back to sleep)

Good morning. Having a terrible day . This parenting thing is the hardest thing I've ever done. I think I'm failing.
I have nothing planned for the day. I am hoping to sleep the day away but I doubt that will happen. What are your plans?

Love that song!

I read somewhere recently where a parent eliminated activities for the summer so kids had time to relax and create their own activities ......it was a recommended approach.

I think it's partly because my psychosis first showed up a few years ago when I was depressed. But it's come and gone sporadicly without the depression so idk. Unless I'm oblivious to my depression now lol.

I think i was too young for a real diagnosis then

That wasmy first Dx too when I was 16
I didn't get Dx sz until I was 17/18

Yeah I don't think that I'm depressed. I knew before when I was depressed and I am nothing like that. I'm talking not eating, self harming, over exercising to the point of exhaustion to lose weight probable eating disorder, pulling out my hair, etc. That's not me now. I feel good about myself and I'm not doing anything harmful to myself.

Yeah, maybe I was starting to drink more but that had to do with the anxious feelings and the paranoia. I don't want to drink anymore now and I'm good about that.

I don't think I have schizophrenia either. I don't have the negative symptoms and I don't have hallucinations. Simply I have paranoia and delusions.

I don't have schizophrenia.. I think. My official diagnosis is ptsd and schizoaffective. But i don't agree with the schizoaffective. I also probably has aspergers lol. I think my problems mostly stem from trauma and years of heavy drug addiction

I know that horrible feeling all too well. I hope you'll get the meds you want, but Ativan can get you into benzo addiction.

It is raining again but it's so beautiful outside it enhanced the 1:00 smoking break. And they actually did finally charge one of my vape mods. Finally had a decent vape after the week of waiting for a charged mod. Now I'll have to fill the tank at 4.

I should go back to the gym and do some more physical therapy before 4. It helped to do that yesterday.

I really wish I could use headphones for my TV.

@ofthevalley I'm sure you are a great mom. If you weren't, you wouldn't even think that you weren't.

I hope everyone is feeling better today. @newtus, don't drink!

Hey.

I went to my mental health group at my clinic. So glad i went. First time in a few months. I feel pretty good right now. Met some new people. It was awesome.

I got dxd schizoaffective when i was 15 or so. Maybe 17. Then got dxd as paranoid schiz at 21. Then it went back to schizoaffective. Seems like that one fits.