Roll Call 91!

So true. First thing i imagine is getting that cap and gown on me. And having my family become proud of me.

Im not cut out for this man. Im not cut out for anything. Why cant i do it. Whats wrong with me...

I feel so depressed about school and like everything. I spend money to make myself happy but im not happy. Ill never be happy.

Its all a facade

Bought alcohol and drank half a pint of liquor then went to sleep. Feel slightly paranoid now like they said would happen because alcohol gives me psychosis.

Psychiatrist didn't prescribe the Concerta because of my heart he wants another ECG and the next appointment is in 2 months.. He asked for a blood test too which is a good idea because my last blood test was 3 months ago.

I feel really tired and unmotivated but got so bored so I cleaned the bathroom.

Psychiatrist wants to eventually take me off of the Zyprexa because he said that being on two antipsychotics doesn't make sense and I agree with him.

I'm so confused with my thoughts though. I wish I had Concerta so I can be more motivated but I'll have to wait..

Honestly for the longest time my motivation was showing others what I could do.....in jr high people really picked on me and I was like just wait for the slow revenge of my success......it's not my proudest moment but it was effective until I had better motivation.....the desire to help others.

The other type of motivation you can use is restriction and reward. I used to not allow myself to play video games until I was done with whatever needs to be done. In your case maybe have your dad hold onto your new phone until you make a certain amount of progress.

Ive lost a lot of motivation after getting on meds compliantly 3 years ago. Most my motivation.

Now...idk. Idk what to do with myself anymore.

If I ever figure out this motivation thing I'll write a book on it haha....it's a tough one....

I find that I just have to do it, whatever it is, and then the motivation sometimes comes. So, for studying, I would force myself to sit down and study for 10mins. I don't want to, but I know I need to for X reason and I tell myself that it's only 10mins and then I can have a 20min break. And I stop after 10mins and have my break. Then I force myself to do another 10mins etc. After 2 or 3 of these, I usually get into it and can do a bit more, like an hour or two. But if not, I did half an hour more than I wanted to do, which is better than nothing.

YMMV. But it helps me study, clean, run errands, walk the dog etc etc.

*Willow*

I like this. Sounds like something id do. But then comes the whole finding motivation to even start. Once i start i wont stop but most times i never start. 🤷🏽*♀️

You don't need motivation to start. I wasted so much time waiting to want to do stuff, and it never came. And then I felt crap for not achieving anything. So, you just have to do it. Force yourself; no matter how much you don't want to. Remind yourself of what all your study is for, and just do it.

*Willow*

If you just need to start I found lumosity helped....just getting your brain working on something disguised as a game helped me jump start my mind.

Thank you SP and Willow!

I think im scared to be single because it brings a lot of loneliness for me. Im at home alot by myself. This past weekend i sat on the couch from 9am til 9pm. On my phone. Friday through monday.

People are getting sick of me calling them. Especially my mom. No one answers their phone anymore. Havent in years.

Im desperate to be psychotic again. Because i think itll bring back what i had. Self reliance.

Does anyone have suggestions on how to be less dependent on others? Or others to make me happy? Or stop contacting people? Or stop posting so much on fb? Stuff like that. Id like to get back to my days where i had no facebook, insta, etc. idk if thisll work but its worth a shot.

I don't think this is a good plan....it's healthy to need other people.....

Newtus, I know I'd be a wreck without my day job holding me together socially, financially, and even emotionally. Those three things are all interconnected for me. I truly hate my job but I notice that I can get in a rut if I take anything longer than even a few days off.

Not taking my Zyprexa tonight too tired..

Yea but everyone i talk to around me doesnt need me or want to talk to me. My mom self proclaims as a hermit. My other friends never text me. I text them first and i MIGHT get a reply but then not more than a few replies.

Id rather be a hermit

I cant really get a job tho. Its complicated. My dad wants me to finish school. So thats what im doing...online.

I find that isolating from others is terrible for mental health. Anyone's mental health. I know just a bit of isolating in my work life has negatively affected me. Leading to more purposeful isolation.

Im already isolated. Ive craved talking to people extremely desperately for the past year or two. Ive talked to people so much that people no longer want to talk to me. Or they are tired of me. Barely anyone contacts me anymore. Even my mom. I called her today and she was annoyed.

So its either i practice self reliance or sit and isolate OR be happy with the isolation.

Im just trying to figure out how to be happy with the isolation for the most part because i have no choice.

My phone is my only friend. You guys are my only friends...

Damn right I'm your friend.

Did my training and then some with my boss. Oy there is a lot to do. I'm a little overwhelmed. It'll be fine once I get into it more. I already got in 4 hours today. I'm just bummed that all the extra work comes in the summer. The only time I'm busy with the kids. Oh well beggars can't be choosers.

it sounds like you need more friends not less. Since you don't work you have a lot more free time to fill. Why not volunteer....find something you enjoy.

m