Roll call 94?

Yup. You said you get creative and more intelligent when you are in psychosis. But that isn't all that happens. The anxiety, depression and paranoia soon follows.

I haven't tried those but I'm pretty happy with my menthol. It doesn't taste bad and gives me that burn.

I regret it. Yes. I regret stopping my meds. What an experience yea. But now i dont feel safe leaving my home anymore.

Actually i thought i could harness the creativity and intelligence without getting psychosis this time. I guess i was wrong.

Ah fffff i love the burn. Thats why i use high nic.

I feel AMAZING today. I love it! Everything is awesome.

I dont want to feel psychosis anymore.

So glad i took my meds last night. Thank you Cog

I dont want to be normal. But i dont have to worry about that because im not normal to begin with.

But i dont want to feel the mental and emotional and physical pain of psychosis.

Good evening/afternoon everyone. How's everyone?

Been a busy roll call! I had to read over a dozen pages to catch up.

I went to the ward for a follow up meeting with one of the nurses there, for her to check in on how I was. She did it cause my therapist is on vacation and wanted to make sure I was okay. I revealed in the meeting I've been not taking my Zyprexa (I'm too honest about these things) and got a major lecture from the nurse and my wife at the same time...followed by my wife getting angry with me in the car because I made a promise originally that I would take my meds. I realized I messed up. I just hate how I could be ill enough to need these dreaded meds. I'm still in denial. I don't want it to be afraid. I know how many times I say it, but it's what is on my mind. I feel like the meds are the enemy, and perhaps even poisonous for my mind.

I guess I'll take them...and maybe then talk to my pdoc about trying to treat this with CBT when I see him in September.

Also went grocery shopping today. I hate going, but it needs to be done.

Listening to Dixie chicks to put me at ease

I go through flavor types myself. I have vaped menthol at certain times, like when I have vaper's tongue. But for throat hit, I prefer a bakery type of cinnamon.

I LOVE cinnamon!!!

My favorite type is either cinnamon or something like it. I have a flavor called Churrios. Its a mix of cinnamon flavored churros & milk.

Mmm, that sounds good!

Maybe you should write a journal and record this... Hopefully this isn't a hypo/manic mood swing that will eventually slide into a depressive state. Regardless, at least it isn't a ragey type manic. Those are miserable.

If you just want to track symptoms, then a proper journal will be too time consuming to read back through, so a bullet journal or symptom tracker would be best for that.

Hope you feel better soon!

Thank you I had a great time!

Thanks! Glad you're enjoying being home too!
I took moclobemide before. It was basically a placebo. The only drug I've ever taken that had no side effects, but it had no positive effects either. I'm not entirely convinced that my b**** of a pdoc didn't actually give me a placebo to screw with me since she thought I was faking...

8 weeks isn't that long, so you don't know that it won't come back. How long did you take it for? I'd suggest giving at least 6-12 months to come back. I know that's a long time, but it takes the brain a long time to fully equilibrilise (is that a word?! Lol)

What's the point of a 15 min appt with a pdoc?? My appts are supposed to be 30 mins, but my pdoc and I can talk for hours. My longest appt was 2 ½ hours once! Lol I usually see him every 4 weeks, but it was once or twice a week before I was hospitalised.

I enjoyed having Maxy sleeping with me last night. We used to cuddle every night before I went to sleep - his body is as long as my arm so my hand would cup his bum and then his head would rest on my shoulder, and I loved it so much! It was so good to do that again last night

I'm sorry that's what you have to do, but it sounds for the best. But I really don't think you should have so little left over each month - are you receiving as much as you're entitled to? Is there any way of switching suppliers to get cheaper bills? Etc Or work with someone to set a better budget? Financial worries are a big source of stress so I hope you can work something out so things aren't so tight.

Hi greentyres

*Willow*

15 min is long enough to make sure I'm not psychotic.....

My nurse came to ask how my leave had gone. I showed her the photos of what I'd done - stripped and remade the bed, done some washing, hung it to dry, folded it when dry, took the dog to the park. She had told me before that she can't take my word that I can live independently (though she insists that she does believe me when I say I can do these things), so I took photos as 'proof', but she said that was "taking things a bit far"... I can't f***ing win!

She also said that I was a "show off" in general. Not sure how she figures that, but nobody who knows me irl would say that about me, so it really hurt my feelings But I just have to remind myself that she never actually called me a show off, it's all just a figment of my paranoid imagination...apparently

*Willow*

Surely anyone can keep their **** together for 15 min and seem fine?! I know I can! 15 min appts would be a complete waste of time for me. It just wouldn't work, I normally need 45min to an hour... But 10-15 min appt seem v common in the US from what I read on here. 30 mins is standard here.

*Willow*

15 min is standard is the usa with pdoc appts.

It doesnt make sense to have anything over because its simply med management. Anything else is dicussed with a therapist or something.

Whenever I had pdoc appointments in the states they were 30 minutes as well. Maybe not everywhere is that way...but where I went it was the case.

Yeah, I mean med management too, not therapy. 15 mins is not enough time for me to talk about everything that is going on. If everything was absolutely fine all the time, then maybe, but we'd be discharged at that point. That's just how we do it here in the UK. (Though I have read about crap pdocs who only see you for 10 mins, but the appts are booked for 30 min slots.)

*Willow*

A pdoc wouldn't notice me being crazy in 15 minutes. I don't trust them and voices tell me to try to look completely normal or I will be IP.

What they see is someone who is not talking really much.

I went to the ER many times when I was depressed, and according to my pdoc by then I was having a psychotic break, but in the ER if they asked me about voices or such I lied. I never was IP from being psychotic, actually one time I was released while suffering from a madness episode I don't know if it would be considered mixed or psychotic or whatever or "too me", I was IP from taking 15mg of klonopin to sleep. But I had to kill everyone, and was so irritable, and demons controlled me. This time I didn't lie but I was released even if I said the true, I was too insane by then to lie. My pdoc was a bit WTF. Lol.

My anxiety has calmed down a bit.

I seriously wonder how normal one can appear if voices are telling them to be normal.

Hahaha we shall see what happens! I've never been ragey always HYPER I can do anything suckers!

Freakyyyy

Trying to turn around what was a bad day into an okay one. Talking with some old friends that I haven't spoke to in over a year. Catching up with the times with them is nice. <3