Roll Call 100: Centennial Edition

Im not into politics

Can you share that bible verse. the location.

Ill message you

Namaste.

What was it like?

Like, what should I expect?

Im bored

Saaaaame.

Nooo. No worries.

I may have mentioned this before...I don't honestly remember.

But I think I finally came to agreement with my wife and partner on what I want to do that is okay with all of us. Personally, I am learning I can handle the hallucinations, especially since I have shifted my view and relationship with them. Them watching the TED talk video about the woman that came to terms with her voices really opened all of our eyes to a different view of this. I believe that my upcoming CBT will further help me work through these.

What we all agreed on is it's the delusions we want to keep at bay. Those are what are really dangerous to my well being. It appears that keeping my dose of Zyprexa at a low 5mg is keeping them away. Keeping the side effects lower with a lower dose is very desirable to me. I really do not want to be on meds at all, but if I do, I want it to be a small amount.

I realize striking a balance is more important than trying to smash out all the symptoms. Risperidone did an excellent job at killing all delusions and hallucinations...at the cost of a load of side effects that I believe are worse than the illness they're treating.

My intense stubbornness and headstrong ways are something that has mixed results in my life, but when I am showing these traits is when I am most like myself when healthy.

I almost hate listening to music lately. Its been making me so depressed.

I don't really listen to music. It triggers me.

Its been triggering me lately

Not too much tho. But it still does. A lot of songs i heard during my break up with my ex is on my playlist. Plus i feel like my music is generally depressing.

Sitting down for the night with some Ben and Jerry's. My favorite...Half Baked.

Took my meds

Feeling kinda sad

Depends on where you go. The place I was at was a progressive healing farm. It was a working organic farm there was lots of support all the time.. But it's like living in a safe protective bubble from the outside world... So it's a bit jarring when you leave.

Sometimes even on a low dose they will go away with enough time......

I like phish food

Everyone is asleep~~~~

I'm watching tv because I slept an hour and now I'm awake. I want to run around and do things but blah blah everyone is asleep.

Baaaah. It's 4am. Maybe I should at least TRY to sleep again.

Wee... first post from my new iPad.

Hope everyone's Sunday is off to a good start!

Morning

Didnt get enough sleep because the breakers in my house went out over night. My cat was using the breaker box for a scratching post i think.

Having coffee now

Im gonna have to learn not to eat late at night again. Especially if im not getting enough sleep.

Im putting some pounds back on. If i dont stop now ill have gained all my 12 pounds back.

Enjoy it!

Make me a BELIEVER!!!

Finally fell asleep again around 430am woke up at 7am then bam woke up again at 8am. Realized I did some amazon shopping last night for dildos, pens, and notebooks and now I've cancelled the order before it was able to get packed and shipped.

Hahaha why am I like this tho.