Roll Call 100: Centennial Edition

I feel depressed. I don't want to do anything. I was up up up this morning but I had alcohol earlier and it's brought me down... whatever.

Just got a call from my pss.

Everything is back to normal. I can go back to seeing her one on one and in group.

Apparently, the pss that started the gossip has threatened to quit many times. Even has almost been fired many times.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.

Today has been awful. Everything is ok now but i still have that anxiety from it. Cuz its like i just wanna tell that woman off. You know. And i remember everytime i met with my pss she'd barge in the room. But thats a privacy issue.

I was telling my pss that ive been having more episodes, like, you know, LONGER ONES. And more often. At night.

Ive also havent been sleeping well. Going to bed at 1 or 2 am. Instead of 10.

Too much stress in a short period of time, for me.

Can anyone here feel episodes about to come on?

Im getting an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can tell its fear and anxiety, but i wonder if im about to have an episode because my meds wear off around this time.

Yall wish me good luck or pray for me...

Im about to spend the next 30 min putting new jewelry in my lip. Ugh. Flucking tiny *** balls.

God speed, little one!

I just tend to feel more anxious and self aware. I start listening to certain music a lot more and staring in mirrors and slowly it creeps in.

At least I'm drinking beer more instead of hard liquor... progress...?

i saw my therapist yesterday,
but the voices told me not to tell her about the flashbacks and i didnt

i told a lot of other stuff that i felt made up for not telling her about the flashbacks

oh and my previous t is done with her chemo!

You should tell your therapist. The voices don't have your best interest at heart.

iI GOT EM IN AND IT ONLY TOOK 10 min!

My flucking window a/c in my room is broken. Im flucking hot. Im ready for winter.

Maybe I should get a new piercing. Or a new tattoo. Ooh what would I get I should get something fun fun fun ooh maybe I should get some new jewelry tomorrow what piercing would I get though if I got one they have walk-ins somewhere on Saturday **** yeah what should I get where should I get it I love tattoos they're so fun painpain and fun what else can I do what piercing should I get should I get another ear or my nipples I love the idea of getting my nipples pierced it's awrsome

Noooo fluck that sh it get some fans and sh it stay cool dude

omg. These PSS's need a life of their own.

The goddess asked me earlier why I keep earplugs in during the day. I said it's a long story. I'm not sure she'd understand. It's still embarrassing to see the monitor I was b****y to the other night when she hadn't charged my ecig and I had to miss the smoke break. Last one of the day.

I'm embarrassed about everything. My therapist said she'd fight my conservator in court if she ever ordered me to have ECT, or tried to put me in a state hospital. I'm very relieved. And she said my $60/month does keep accumulating so that's good. I need a bathrobe too.

I think I'm mixed... LIKE A ****ING COCKTAIL, MAN!

Don't even say the w word.

Sounds like it my friend. You seem more stable during the day. Do you think your meds are wearing off?

My job gives me an entire day to reflect, listen to mucic/books/lectures/podcasts, and what not. It wouldn't be so bad. There is a suicide rate for my career but I had made peace with it, but this anhedonia... Nothing I do gives me a break from this constant feeling of loathing. I can't snap out of it. Nothing moves me because of this illness and so everyday is exactly the same and I don't know how I can make peace with it again without any semblance of positive emotions present.

wow i am so stupid...
i was about to ask you, "what are you mixed with? i am black and white" xD