Roll Call CIV (104)

Sometimes psychotic · Oct 18, 2017, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I have a rare calm delusion because it has insight in where I don't know if it's real or not. But I know that my psychologist/psych nurse and the woman filling in for him that gave me the injection this morning both hate me because I did drugs.

I feel like a failure in my life and identity and that I can't be helped.

Possible trigger:

I told the psych nurse that gave me the needle about my suicidal and homicidal thoughts that I can't control sometimes. I feel like I'm judged a lot because she said I talked about killing my family but I'm not a monster. She asked why I didn't tell my actual psychologist/psych nurse and I said that I was afraid that he would send me back the hospital and when I get out, I wouldn't be allowed to stay in the same house as my family

I just felt that way when I was taking a strong stimulant at the end of my injection.

Possible trigger:

I thought an outside force or God was telling me to kill my cat and my mom or my sister by controlling my thoughts and movements. It said to take my meds which I believed would stop my heart or I'd have to kill so I took half of my meds then walked up stairs took the knife from the kitchen, put it up to my neck, put it knife down then went to wake up my mom and told her I was in psychosis and need the injection

I asked my dad on text that I took the med because I thought I was him in his past life and he did it so he asked me how much I took and I said 5mg but how would he know about medications? That fuelled the whole thing.

It's the most horrifying experience ever.

thats really scary....

Possible trigger:

when I was in psychosis I thought I was supposed to kill someone too because he was really the devil or something, like I would be saving the world......whatever your motivations are the delusions play on them. I once slept with my chefs knife on the night stand because of feeling monitored and that people were breaking in to put something in my head to cause the voices (like a transmitter in my tooth). This is why I stay on my meds forever what if I did something after getting confused due to psychosis....I had to make a promise to myself I would never take anything into my own hands ever again and would rely on the police and military instead.

newtus · Oct 18, 2017, 02:47 PM

Its pretty big. My old one was half the size.

Sometimes psychotic · Oct 18, 2017, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Yea

Well dang. This one is only 90 watts. The one i had that broke last month was 80. I wouldve gotten a more powerful one but i needed one with bluetooth as my phone (and now all the rest of the iphones) doesnt have headphone jacks.

Instead of replacing my old one i got this one because it also has a wider frequency response. It goes down to 35 hertz which is lower than my old one. So it has nicer bass sound. Plus it has 2 subwoofers instead of 1 like my old one. Also you can hook it up to a turntable.

Also my dad has an insane 80s RCA soundsystem. Its powerful. But its broken now and just sitting in the living and no longer compatible with anything except tapes and turntables.

I'm sure the 90 w of today is better than the 120 of yesteryear, it probably just uses less energy. Too bad your dad's is broken and incompatible with everything. For mine I still have to use the component cables instead of hdmi, I wouldn't even know how to set up a modern one tbh. Guess I'd have to read the manual.

Sometimes psychotic · Oct 18, 2017, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Its pretty big. My old one was half the size.

Very nice

Desoxyn · Oct 18, 2017, 02:57 PM

Oh god I have to work idk if the injection kicks in this fast but I'm tired as absolute hell.

Maybe some of the palioeridone gets pushed out of the muscle into the bloodstream as the other palioeridone gets pushed in.

Findingreason · Oct 18, 2017, 02:58 PM

Good god, I just calculated and worked out details for my return trip to Finland in December...it's gonna total some 26-30 hours on the go from door to door. It's gonna be ridiculous.

Sometimes psychotic · Oct 18, 2017, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Findingreason

Good god, I just calculated and worked out details for my return trip to Finland in December...it's gonna total some 26-30 hours on the go from door to door. It's gonna be ridiculous.

Wow that's extreme.......

junkDNA · Oct 18, 2017, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

thats really scary....

Possible trigger:

when I was in psychosis I thought I was supposed to kill someone too because he was really the devil or something, like I would be saving the world......whatever your motivations are the delusions play on them. I once slept with my chefs knife on the night stand because of feeling monitored and that people were breaking in to put something in my head to cause the voices (like a transmitter in my tooth). This is why I stay on my meds forever what if I did something after getting confused due to psychosis....I had to make a promise to myself I would never take anything into my own hands ever again and would rely on the police and military instead.

Possible trigger:

I was told to kill my cat a few times

Findingreason · Oct 18, 2017, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Wow that's extreme.......

Yeah...normally these trips to and from Finland take about 21-22 hours door to door. I'm used to those. But this one is gonna be extra long.

Findingreason · Oct 18, 2017, 03:02 PM

Possible trigger:

I've had voices in the past order me to hurt or kill my wife or partner before. It's terrifying because it made me feel like I **had** to do it. I screamed at those voices. I was restrained by my partner because I attacked the voice and figure telling me to do it. I thought I killed it and police were going to arrest me.

Sometimes psychotic · Oct 18, 2017, 03:05 PM

Get used to seeing random coloring pages...loving this new app, at least while sick.....

newtus · Oct 18, 2017, 03:08 PM

Possible trigger:

the worst in my psychosis was when i was told to hurt people. I thought i was getting messages from god for my knowledge.

Sometimes psychotic · Oct 18, 2017, 03:22 PM

newtus · Oct 18, 2017, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Are those nuts?

Angelique67 · Oct 18, 2017, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Findingreason

Good god, I just calculated and worked out details for my return trip to Finland in December...it's gonna total some 26-30 hours on the go from door to door. It's gonna be ridiculous.

Will there be reindeer and a sleigh involved, lol. JK.

Findingreason · Oct 18, 2017, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Will there be reindeer and a sleigh involved, lol. JK.

Thanks for the laugh and smile.

newtus · Oct 18, 2017, 03:56 PM

My dad just admitted he gave me 300 dollars to get me out of the house.

Sometimes psychotic · Oct 18, 2017, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Are those nuts?

Acorns..

Findingreason · Oct 18, 2017, 04:00 PM

It's amazing how much denial can do. I swear I'm not hallucinating but I kept hearing things through the evening. I just would like to stop my APs and forget everything. Probably a bad idea though...

Angelique67 · Oct 18, 2017, 04:01 PM

I am hallucinating the smell of fresh weed by my nose. It's not suffocating or anything, but I just keep smelling it. I've always loved the smell of the smoke.

Today I wore a clingy top and I look.unbelievably fat in it. I never want to look in a mirror again.

Sometimes psychotic · Oct 18, 2017, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

My dad just admitted he gave me 300 dollars to get me out of the house.

I wish someone would give me $300 to go spend on fun

Sometimes psychotic · Oct 18, 2017, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Findingreason

It's amazing how much denial can do. I swear I'm not hallucinating but I kept hearing things through the evening. I just would like to stop my APs and forget everything. Probably a bad idea though...

Yes definitely a bad idea....you want to keep the delusions at bay because they don't respond to reason....APs are the only way to do that that I've heard of actually working.....