Roll Call #115

Happy birthday, Erti!!!!!

I had to leave the talk because MU was triggering me. Calamity Jane hasn't been around the last few days, I don't know where she is. MU is trudging around as if she's depressed in front of the therapist. It's an act and it makes me sick. I want to go home.

Well, hopefully I now can choke those pop ups before they pop up. I installed a firewall and denied Chrome internet access.

I hope the therapist won't be hurt or insulted that I can't really attend the talks. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone today either (in person). I wish real life had a firewall.

I’m in the process of organizing recipes into a new to me app called paprika.....it $5 for the app but still I have so many recipes and they are all in binders but how often do I actually use the binder recipe....I don’t. This will allow me to see all my good recipes from the internet in one place and search for the recipe easily if I need to. Does anyone else have trouble keeping recipes organized? Also it stores the recipe in case a blog shuts down or whatever.

I havent mentioned that stuff in like a month

I keep them all in my head.

I have between 500-1000 recipes that are good enough to save...my head isn’t good enough for that many

All of a sudden i feel just real down...

This is so weird. Its like all of a sudden a strong depression just hit me. I have no idea why.

Weird....I would expect happy after what your bf said? What do you think it is?

Idk. Its so weird. I have no clue. Maybe its cuz i dont feel well today (have a migraine. Feel sick.)? Idk. Or that the sun went away? I really have no clue. Ive never felt this way where i was really happy and then all of a sudden its like someone turned off the switch. Its so weird. I got good sleep? So idk...

Its like i had some sort of severe mood swing. It could be anything tho. Im on my period, feeling sick, the weather. Idk??? I know part of my illness is bipolar but ive never experienced just a dramatic shift like this...

Could be the period ? I know I get mood swings with that.

It could be. It also could be the weather. It got dark within the hour and colder. Its supposed to rain and snow.

I started feeling sad about an hour ago tho because my mom is getting a colonoscopy and she said she had a bad feeling that she wasnt gonna wake up from the medicine they are gonna give her. Propolol. (Sp?)

Now im crying

Yeah that's possible. I see my pdoc tomorrow. I don't want it lowered or get off it though because it works so well.

I see my NP friday tho. And i start the BC sunday.

So I slept from like 4 to 10pm...got up and ate. Then managed to force myself to put the dishes in the dishwasher away, and filled it with dirty dishes. Cleaned the counters. Did laundry. I'm not feeling great mentally, but I am trying to at least get some stuff done. Even basic things are overwhelming me right now.

I want to try and build a media centre/mild gaming PC for the living with parts we have around from previous builds we used. I just need to motivate myself to do so. **sigh** motivation is the issue. Maybe its the depression. Idk. Maybe I'm hopeless.

Also, Happy Birthday Erti! hope you are having a good day.

We are getting 4 to 7 inches of snow, possibly up to 9 inches tomorrow and a bunch of ice on top of it

I think i need to back off facebook more and stop posting depressing stuff if i can. The more people i add the less i can. Plus i just added the bf’s mom and sister. I dont want them to see me post that kind of stuff. I think im gonna focus more on my instagram from now on.

Usually colonoscopy is twilight I believe you’re awake but don’t remember....so I would not worry too much about that.

We got like 3-6 last night and will be getting more through the weekend....I guess it is winter after all.

Just signed up for blue apron, my sister sent a free box code so I thought why not?

So I'm at school, class starts at 6. I want to go home..