Roll Call 125

So I was in Clas Ohlson earlier just looking around at random stuff while I was out and about. Then I noticed while strolling that someone was next to me out of nowhere, I got scared and half swung at them, backed up out of the way, only to realise there was no one there. Scared the crap out of me.

Dinner was awesome. Really good pizza. I ate 1/2 of it lol. It was a small though so it could have been worse.
Watching 1922. Well they are. I’m playing on my phone and I just put my feet up. Getting ready to close my eyes.

Ugh. I took my night meds and realised I didn't take my morning meds again. I need to get this under control. I'm not even intentionally missing them; I'm forgetting to take them.

Just relaxing, probably going to bed around 10:30. I had a good day. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Walking around town and the cemetery to take pictures

Set a timer on your phone.....

The bf left

Had an awesome day!!!!!

Took all my meds!!!

Just need to hunker down for 2 next days that im alone

I think my meds have numb me quite a bit.

I awoke to my period just great especially that I have renal ultrasound today

Slept until 6 today. Progress. Drinking coffee with milk. It’s kind of gross.
Grocery shopping today. I wonder what kind of deliciousness my daughter will make.
I have a screaming headache. Ouch.

Wooh 6am... My uncle said he'd take me out to lunch today lets hope he keeps his word.

I've always acted against voices and visual hallucinations. Watched this video again:




Wondering if I show them compassion and think critically about it if they are communicating something to me about myself. I'm just afraid even in my own living space about talking to them. I want to know more. I want to develop a meaningful connection to try and not be so...disrespectful to them? They are part of myself. Like for instance seeing someone coming way too close to me yesterday and not being real could resemble my fears of being attacked. Seeing demons being related to my fear and belief in them when I was a teen that never full went away. So yeah. Idk and I worry about talking to them and others here judging me in my apartment. My wife has told me before to not worry and be open about them. Idk...

On a side note I did take my meds this morning.

my t and I talk about the voices and their motivations. we've even considered approaching them with compassion and understanding. I find it hard tho because they are abusive nearly all the time

good morning

my shift was 9.5 hours last night. the store was a total wreck. there was so much stuff thrown everywhere. I wish ppl would be more considerate. we also had like 6 carts of go-backs by the end of the night

today I see my therapist at 12 then I'm going to LensCrafters to have an eye exam and get new glasses

my newer pair broke a month or so ago so I've been wearing my back up pair. now those have broke too

Morning

Having coffee

slowly getting my house clean n organized

so far I've done living room kitchen and just did my bedroom

also almost caught up on all my laundry

Took my med

I think it changes the nature of the voice to be open.....when I had no insight the voices were mostly helpful albeit tricky like they wanted me to run outside naked etc....you can respectfully disagree. It was after I started gaining insight into the fact I was sick that I started getting more devils etc.....I think that my negative attitude caused that....seeing them as helpful voices or guiding spirits can help.

Going to see rampage today with the bf...we are going to the cheapie movies...both me and the bf are out of work now, so are trying to save money. We are also going to corner bakery for lunch. Fast casual is our new gourmet. Rampage should be a fun movie...I just love the rock....

Very true...changing my relation with them from hostility towards them to love and respect for them however tricky they may be could be for the better. I reconciled with a spirit earlier and talked to him, I bumped into him with my hand. He didn't have much to say. But I wasn't so scared. Now I can't feel the watching anymore.

It's beautiful out. Bright and cool. I guess I'll be listening to podcasts all day again. I won't run out of them, that's for sure.

I took half a tiz last night to be able to sleep since I'm having a bad attack of insomnia. I still woke up really early and couldn't get back to sleep.

I wish I could go back outside. I haven't had my meds yet.

Yeah I was inspired by your thinking and wrote a blog post about my experiences with set and setting in psychosis.....it’s basically similar to a psychedelic experience where both your mindset and the environment alter the experience. It really helps to surround yourself with positive people and places but also to have a positive outlook on the experience itself. It can be difficult but listening to what the voices want and complying within safety limits can help them mellow out. It’s like a part of your mind hasn’t been listened to in a really long time, maybe since you were a child and had imaginary friends all it wants is to be heard.

Yura yura yura, yura yura yureru

you OK? or is that baby metal?