Roll Call 126!

Coffee time

Recent drawing in charcoal

Nice, good use of strong blacks and whites. I like the shading and intricacy of the drums.

First day with the new employee. Right now we're in our honey moon period, but she's doing well. Her and the younger coworker get along fine. She seems to have an idea of what to do without much direction so right on. zwe have 3 pretty new guys right now and it's funny to hear them complain about who's going to wash what. I washed for like 10 years and these guys complain after 1 week. lol These millennials are funny.

Welp, tomorrow is going to be a big day. I go to see my pdoc, then i go to the bank to work a ton of things out. I might be at the bank for awhile. Since im on payroll, i have to set my income to go directly to my bank account which is cool. I haven't been on payroll since i was a kid working at a pizza shop.

This is good, /I'll be able to get my life back together and organize my finances finally. My finances are a wreck which is crazy since i make pretty good money now. I basically commited life suicide, regarding my finances, when i was having akathasia and anxiety, and now with my sleeping disorder. Hopefully I can find a med that will help with my sleep.

So i met up with someone today. He was straight up and said he wanted a bj. I told him i gotta get to know him first. Anyways found out he was married with kids and i was like nope.

Very nice!

Tldr; Today I was not a ho.

Using the words "or both" in daily life can save people from having such strong opinions on things cuz that's what I do.

Like God or no god, left or right, one situation to decide or another one, right or wrong..

"I have schizophrenia, and so do I" was stupid but it applies to everyone and the way they think. It's like people argue in their head. If you come up with a third situation that could be right or wrong, you pick that over.. Oh no I'm not making sense..

Oh well I tried. Left brain right brain. I saw SP make that post I'm gonna read it later..

My ex Julian told me some ****. I feel for him about it.

How do I do things
I don't know
I'm trapped inside a mind of waves
Just a whirlpool of pieces falling
Into a heavy ocean sinking
Then some tornado rising up
Reversing and twisting all of my thoughts
Distracted by paranoia
And coincidences calling my name
From the background
I'm being played
Like some twisted game

I'm not having paranoia right now but I added that in there so you people will relate more. I started off just saying "How do I do things" but it ended up as that.

Anyways, I want to be practical and do things but it's really hard. Negative symptoms or something idk.. I thought moving to a better place would be easier for me but it's like I got bad luck with these people I'm surrounded by. I see positive things but nothing is perfect I guess. Just terrible instead.

I wanna share that and give you credit but I don't want people redirecting to here and people knowing who I am on here.

I'll try and make more things like that. I'll show my family them because they try to understand what I'm going though but I can't explain and using metaphors and similes and stuff makes it seem more like "Oh, that's nice" and being able to understand without bluntly telling them with the reaction of concern.

And in other weirdness, my band mates hid the band leader's coffee cup in plain open sight...and I have no idea how they got it up there

Good morning/afternoon everyone. How are things going today?

I'm doing okay. Had band today. Went well once I got to perform. 3 sessions of Perfect by P!nk. Then 2 of Nothing Compares to You by Prince. The sessions for the later were rather iffy. But the performances of Perfect went quite well. It's weird. When I need to perform in a band, I keep on beat and sing on point. But when I practice even alone I don't. It makes no sense. Also got earplugs yesterday. They worked great today. Kept the sound down to a minimum (prolly attenuating 100 dB or more of sound and dropping it into the 70s. Also allowed me to hear my own voice in my head. Which was useful at monitoring my vocals.


What's everyone up to?

I find myself staring off into space more. I want to pull fire alarms. I listen to songs on repeat over and over and over again. I have no conclusion.

Do you feel disconnected from the world? If so it sounds like dissociation...

https://listenonrepeat.com/

Hey guys! Having a good day. Woke up at 5:30 with my husband but got back to sleep until 7:45. Drank my coffee. Worked for a couple hours. Now I’m waiting for my son to get a haircut. I have to work again a little later but it won’t be bad.
Nothing else planned for the day. I kind of have a headache but nothing like yesterday.
What’s everyone up to?

Morning

Had coffee

Ive been very very tired for 2 days. Ive been sleeping all night plus i slept 4 hours in the middle of the day yesterday. Im having trouble catching my breath. I get winded just from talking.

I called my doctor to get tested for diabetes or weight related issues.

Ive lost a pound. I think from exercising. But that could be water weight too.

I’ve been awfully tired too.
I see my new doc in august and I’m going to have her run all the blood work.
Hope you are seeing the effects of your hard work! A pound is awesome.

I had to cancel that poshmark order cuz i have no money to send it in the mail. Shipping costs.

Also have no money to pick up my medication.

I slept until 10:45. I feel really out of it.

Stopped taking the clonidine, so much more energy!

No it’s not quite dissociation. Just weirdness lol.

Im literally in a rage today.

1. No money to pick up meds

2. No money to send off the package for poshmark. Which means i have to send back the 10 dollars via the app to the buyer. Vicious cycle....spend money to make money right?

3. Cant get anyone from my clinic to pickup their phone. So i have no Pdoc appt til further notice.

4. Have to cancel todays counseling appt with another place because im dead exhausted.

FCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FCK EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!