Roll Call 127

I just always hear of ppl feeling sick and pukey

I want inkkkk.

My mum keeps saying she thinks I'm autistic....She wants me to be tested. I don't think I am but she's adamant that I am and I should be tested. I admit that sometimes I can be awkward when meeting new people and i don't like giving eye contact either.

my t thinks I am. I know I'm different but as to the label for it... idk and idc

I've started to really just own my oddness and be more confident that its okay to be weird

Just was on the phone with my mom for 5 hours

She cried and cried cuz i told her my sister didnt send my moms husband a fathers day card cuz hes hes not her father.

She talked to me for another 2 hours about how my sister has been using her for money. 2100 dollars here and 200 dollars there. Charging starbucks and all kinds of things to a joint credit card they have.

Ain't it great when it's you're not the problem child? Ha

Seems like both me and my sister are both the problem children.

At first i was sad for my mom. Then angry at my sister. And then i realized at the end of the phone call that both my sister and i were raised getting every single thing we wanted plus more stuff that we didnt even want that was expensive. So we both dont really realize the value of a dollar. Me, only til recently. Idk about my sister.

I had a feeling something has been going on all these years tho. Seemed unfair that my sister was gettng everything she wanted and traveling everywhere she wanted.

Good evening everyone. How are things going today?

I'm...not myself. Something is wrong and I don't know what it is. I'm depressed. My wife knows something is wrong and I think she is wondering why or gonna start asking me about it and I won't have a good answer. I feel so bad. Then there was voices last night too. At the moment things seem okay on that front.


Idk. I wish I could figure this out.

Soooooo I got my new bank card... It's a mastercard and not a visa. WTF! sigh... Visa is everywhere, sucks this bank gave me a second rate card. >:/

I think mastercard is taking over. I know places take visa but i noticed more places taking mastercard and mastercard seems to be trusted more. My bank card is a mastercard too.

banged out my shift

brought home some bbq chicken thighs and pasta w cheese and meat sauce

I’m doing better than I was yesterday. Clearer headed not weird. Told my mother I was feeling more down on the lower dose of meds.

This week I only work Monday and Friday. I’m off Tuesday - Thursday. Got some plan. See a movie, doctor’s appointment, seeing some museum. Stuff like that.

Hopefully doc has something for me on Wednesday.

Im hiring an apartment locator in the DFW area.

Technically im not actually “hiring” cuz the service is free. They get paid through the clients telling the property manager that they used the service.

Don't feel bad Newtus. I'm sure if we had money my parents would of done the same.

It's too hot to sleep.....

I'm mad and sui (lol) I'm a mess but I'm mentally stable. Wouldn't it make more sense if I just went nuts instead of being calm? Exercise more maybe.. But I did so much exercise today at work.. I can't chill... The weather isn't sunny enough.. too many thoughts in my head.. SWIRL AROUND THOUGHTS.. Swirllllll... What about if I just had a therapist to talk to? But I still don't know what to talk about... I want to go to school.. be a doctor.. (If I'm going to be stressed in life from not working towards anything but money, I can be stressed at school) because stress isn't making me psychotic.. I got the ol' paliperidone in my veins.. How nuts of a population doing things.. having fun.. not me.. I sleep and have negative symptoms so I don't know what to do with my thoughts and actions.. just floating like a fish.. I want to go faster! My mind is at the speed but I don't know what I'm doing.. people need to keep up with me.. they need to stop and think... but everyone has it all figured out.. I don't.. what mental energy just keeps going..

Welp. I did it. I spent $183 bucks all on faust books. One being Marlowe's Dr. Faustus, one being a leather bound collectible of Goethe's Faust. The other 3 are companion guides and essays by oxford and stuff. :/

You go, boy!!!

Fine I won't go to school w/e. Why can't I just save up a paycheck and go to some foreign country right now? I want to hitchhike but I have no stories to tell the drivers..

^^^

I really wish we had an “lol” button instead of a “thanks” button.

Took all my meds

Same. Took my meds. Fell asleep on the couch watching tv. Time for bed. Good night.

I haven't been sleeping much

Morning. Working today as much as a bummer that is. Then I have to go to the bank and the pharmacy. Not really in the mood to do anything. I’m sleepy and really just want to hang out. Hopefully it goes by fast.
Have a good day everyone.

I'm sleepy. I fell asleep in my clothes last night. I need an emergency dental appointment but I'm afraid to ask. But I can't wait with this really painful tooth. I should have put some coffee in my coffee because I'm still so tired.