Roll Call 141!

Demmmnnnnn .... yeah 👽

I bummed a cigarette today and it was nasty. Didn't like it.. I smoked 3 cigarettes in the past 42 days..

eww, i'm so glad i didn't take up smoking.

I’m in bed. My daughter tucked me in . Loser party of 1.
Nothing really going on this weekend. I was supposed to go hang out with my guy and his wife but I don’t think I’ve got it in me to be social. I saw them today and could barely bring myself to engage.
I think I need to continue hiding under the blankets a little longer.
I do need a trip to the grocery store. I’m running low on supplies. Plenty of meat but I need ingredients.

My pup is sitting outside the gate crying, whining, and chewing the slats because I won’t let him sleep with me. My sons gf is still here so I can’t send him upstairs. Never going to sleep with all this noise.
Oh good. Now he’s got my big guy going too.
FML

I feel good cuz I drank wine. We all die one day. And that's a cool thing. Much realistic.

I found a good song by asking for songs on /r/schizophrenia su reddit

Yay 4 hours of sleep the other night and 3 last night -_-

But wheres its nipples?

Morning

Gonna have coffee soon

I had a dream i was pregnant.

Went to the library, then to get new clothes, then to the bookstore

Kitten throws tantrums if she thinks I'm not paying enough attention to her lol

I think I'm sick :/

Snack time

Hope you feel better

I'm sure it's no coincidence that I haven't had coffee (caffeinated coffee I mean) in a week and I haven't had a panic attack in a week.

Very strange, I used to be able to drink coffee all day with no problems

I developed a similar issue with anxiety after a few months of coffee if you only have it occasionally it shouldn’t be a problem.....

We've switched places again.. I'm able to drink gallons of coffee again.. weird..

Bipolar chill/anxiety we have

Yeah, only recently have I been able to drink coffee again. Or else I would start to feel a burning anxiety in my stomach.

Speaking of coffee my sister just dropped off the Keurig (single cup one) a K-cup carousel , a lb of starbucks coffee grounds, Pete's coffee K-cups, and a box of Lavazza K-cups. Plus I already have half a lb of Dunkin Donuts coffee grounds

I just had a panic attack

And the more i talked to about it, i learned 2 things.

1. I dont like being idle and not doing anything and just laying in bed because it causes stuff like panic attacks for me. Cuz i think about my past while i lay down or sit down all day.

2. Im confused by myself.
Before 2010, i was shy and into the arts and played music. Didnt talk to anyone. My MI was budding. Then when i got sick in 2010 around there, i was scared of people deathly. I stayed in my room 24/7, didnt even talk to my dad sometimes. I was so unwell and psychotic. Then now, within the past couple of years, ive become so social like a social butterfly almost and working and id give anything to have more social contact than i do.

Watching a documentary on the KKK. Mind blown
People are so ****ed up. They have their children there shooting at posters and burning crosses. Little kids...maybe 4 yrs old. The hatred doesn’t even compute for me.

That is sad.

I'm so pissed off about my coworker. Her attitude just makes me want to push her down some stairs. She's incredibly annoying. And the other coworkers dont speak English well and they annoy me too. I want to go home. I'm so agitated.