Roll Call 141!

I once found this emu oil when I was having problems I think with my eye corners and lips cracking also excellent.

Had a nap then took 200mg caffeine and I feel so awake and refreshed!

I feel soooo alone. I want friends.. to do things and go places.

Why all of a sudden I start feeling loneliness and when a few years ago when I was sick I didn't at all..

I feel a deep sadness and I like this feeling. I'm having a window from anhedonia by being around people..

I work tomorrow and Saturday. Then on Sunday I'm going to go to the library or gym and go see people that I don't know for coffee again and chat about things..

I am much stable!

Good morning

Morning! Happy Friday! Thank god. I’m over work for the week.
Working this morning for a while. Then my son wants to go to the place he works to visit. I really hope he changes his mind. I don’t feel like going anywhere. It’s cold and rainy and I’m sleepy. I should go to the bank but if I can talk my son into staying home I’ll skip it. I can go tomorrow.
Nothing else really going on. Winter slump is setting in. Though my husband has suggested a getaway for me and my daughter so I might do that in February.

I have the motivation of a rock this morning. I’ve been sitting here since 5:30. I could be done with work by now.

Hey everyone, how are things going today?

I'm okay. Been up since 10 am on like 4 hours of sleep. Got some stuff done at Kela and then went shopping at Sale (store). While at Kela apparently the pdoc wrote that after June I should be on at least a short term disability pension. Guess it makes sense since I have been unable to work for 3+ years due to various issues. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I feel defeated. I know I need the help, but my pride still gets in the way.

What's everyone up to?

Guess I'll run over to CVS right now and pick up my meds before I decide to put it off. I will run out by Monday so I definitely need to go. It's raining. It has only snowed like once and barely any this whole season so far. I live in upstate New York. wtf is going on? It was warm enough yesterday that all I needed to wear was a long sleeved t-shirt. Hate this, I love snow so much.

Morning

Gonna have coffeffe

Took my meds and had coffee

I guess im not working tomorrow. I couldnt snag any hours. Im having trouble getting hours on Saturdays. Idk why.

hey guys. hows yous.

I just realized.

I hope i get my disability check if the govt is shut down. Im supposed to get it next week.

I'm supposed to get mine too. My sister is my payee so she'll let me know

you should still get your check.

Well my son cut me a break and asked his gf to bring him out so I could rest.
My daughter is not so kind. Gotta bring her and her friend to the mall again this afternoon.
I wanted to bring them out to lunch but I just can’t do it. Maybe Monday will be better.
I seriously haven’t felt this bad about myself in over 5 years. I felt better when I was psychotic. At least then the demons weren’t real. I even caught myself thinking that my family would be better off without me. That’s about as close to sui ideation as I get.
But despite all this I am still thinking clearly and having no symptoms of psychosis. It’s just the anxiety and seething anger.

Hi Everybody, just working today but I'm an hour and 20 minutes into my day and my work is pretty much done. Sigh. What the heck am I supposed to do with the other 7 hours and 40 minutes? Bleh. At least it is donut Friday at work today! Yay! That's something. I'm super duper depressed. Like want to lay in bed all day depressed. I make myself go to work but then I go home and go to bed. I don't want to do anything. At least I haven't had any visual hallucinations since I was at my sister's. Now that I said that I probably jinxed myself and they will probably come back. I see my Therapist on the 2nd. Not that she will help. But whatev. I'm bored already. I should have brought a book. I can always read a book on my phone I guess. Hugs to anyone who wants one. Kit.

We had some snow at the end of November but other than that it's been mild. Was 10 degrees C today. I'm hoping we'll get some snow early in the new year.

Afternoon/Evening,

I've had a good day.

Went for a walk with my dad and it was perfect weather for it. Nice and sunny. Had a nap in the afternoon and just been playing some Monster Hunter. I'm enjoying it... overwhelming in some ways but sill good. Think I'm going to finish off season 1 of Alias tonight.

to those who need it.

did some cleaning and my heart rate decided it wanted to increase a lot so i'm taking a well deserved break.

I've been playing videogames today. First HP Lego years 5-7. Just completed year 5. Also playing Red Dead Redemption (the first one) so much fun!

doing some counseling brought up the smart light blob for the alexa. maybe help me sleep at night in my room since i have a fear of the dark.
my counselors going to do some research for me. mom doesn't know how much my new echo is going to help me.

Took adhd med and caffeine wake ups

Now off to work..

I tried not taking the seroquel last night but I couldn't sleep without it..

Got our bathroom sink fixed!!!

Wow, im upping my game on my Homer's Odyssey chapter and I spent all day adding page after page trying to be all inclusive. After I'm done I'm going to need to read it a few times and try to cut some of the fat out. It's difficult though, because I like the Odyssey so much. Thank god Samuel Butler made a great translation of it so many years ago that I can use for my purposes.

So i couldnt snag any hours for Saturday for instacart.

So what should i do Saturday?

Bf and my dad have to work.