Roll Call 142!

Oh no falcon hope you feel better soon

Feel better falcon!!!

Took my meds! Sleep soon.

Body switched from groggy and dissociated to awake and anxious within minutes.

Feeling very off, paced the living room for near an hour just talking to myself.

Don't know what's going on.

I cant sleep

Headed to the college soon, feel like going back to sleep

It was just a nip really. There’s a little bruising and a kind of scratch bit. I put some antiseptic on it but I don’t think I’ll bother going to the doctors. I’ll keep an eye on it though.

Im already getting negative feedback to the very *few* people i have chosen to tell about this.

They are concerned about me losing my disability benefits. My dad is one but im not getting negativity from him.

More like my peer worker!

Im so done!

Why am I getting negative feedback???

I'm freezing in here. I should have brought hot coffee in my thermos instead of water. What the hell was I thinking

5 more hours and I can go home and get under the covers with two warm cats and some coffee or cocoa

filed my taxes

When you complain about having no food in the house until one of your parents fixes the problem and that’s with a monthly check I think it’s fair for people to wonder how you will survive with no check. No matter how you frame things survival is more important than an expression of love. Idk maybe your parents will jump in and pay all your bills once you’re married? If so tell people to get lost. Maybe you’ve got a job lined up that will make consistent money? If so tell people your plan. They are looking at the big picture which looks bleak.

You think the big picture looks bleak? I hope not

Yes im very wrapped up in love right now.

I just applied for ssi to see if i can get some money when i lose my ssdi. But it may be denied cuz im already getting ssdi. I might have to apply for ssi after i get married.

Applying for a needs based program and a job is my goal. Until then i will keep with the job and my ssdi.

I think id make more if i was so casual about the job.

My parents wont pay. If anything my dad might. Not my mom unfortunately.

I will keep working hard. I feel like i know i can do this! I really do. Im just stuck on how to make more money. Im trying to be creative with it. Ever since i started making income in weird ways ive been getting ads for more weird ways to make income. Starting businesses, instacart, writing, etc

Hey guys! Happy Thursday.
Finished working. I’ll check in later but for now I’m relaxing. I just had soup and toast. Thinking of taking a nap . I’m very sleepy.
It’s so cold...not as cold as the Midwest but still cold. I’m wrapped up in my blanket with dogs covering 85% of my body. It’s even too cold to smoke...anything. My fingers get numb lol.

So first I did not realize you could still get ssi.....albeit the checks are way less with that especially since they consider your partners income too. I think you can do it too but most of your day will be spent working probably retail because those are the jobs that make consistent money. You’ll have to go to work even if you feel depressed because there will be no other option than losing your job. Eventually you’ll lose the ssi because your checks from work will be too high so ssi isn’t a long term solution if you’re working.

I don’t blame you for wanting a normal life....I’m happy you’re getting engaged because it’s what you want however normality is almost a luxury for most of us. Consider it jealously or whatever but most of us couldn’t afford to do what you’re doing, to leap without a plan. Idk when I left science I leapt with a vague plan and now I’m still looking for jobs after a few temporary ones. I suppose what I’m saying is make it a long engagement...make sure you can survive on your work income before tossing the ssdi aside. Again....I’m happy you’re happy but I also wanted to provide insight into why some people have a negative outlook.

I see yes.

And yes ssi is supplemental security income. Its a need based program for the disable. Ssdi is social security disability. Which if i get married will be stopped, only because its on my dads work credits (cuz disabled before 22). If it was my own work credits my ssdi wouldnt get canceled. But i havent worked enough credit hours. Ssi is a set income amount for everyone. I BELIEVE. Dont quote me but i think its 780. Ssdi income is based on how much youve worked your whole life.

With everyones outlook being so bleak for the long term i feel so defeated, in every way. It sucks normalilty is a luxury for someone like me. Its so completely depressing in every way.

I feel defeated right now. I understand what u and everyone is trying to say. But i cant help but feel defeated since i would lose my backbone income.

Maybe i cannot have what i want after all. Unless bf can make enough to support both of us.

Class went well. In the library eating a snack. Next class in an hour and then back home

It’s not my goal to discourage you or tell you it’s not possible....my goal is to give you a realistic version of what it will take to get ahead.

You don’t get a full ssi check if your husband has income they use part of his income as your income FYI. If you want to be married I would not count on any disability I would work to be truly independent. Disability can be a trap. That my mean going back to school. Now that you’re in a new area with better stability maybe you can look into new community colleges?

Yea they have some community colleges here. One i got kicked out of tho when i was sick. Ill look at the other one.

Am i being stupid to think i can do this without disability? Like live?

I get SSI. Something around $750 a month. $700 of it goes toward my rent and electric bill, then the rest is for non food essentials like paper towels, soap, toothpaste, etc.

Dude living without disability should be your goal.....I think you can do it but it might take some time. You are much more stable than you used to be. I bet you can handle school now and then a good job.....good jobs are nicer to work for than say retail, they tend to be more forgiving in my experience.

Yeah same here. I get 771 a month, most of it goes towards rent and bills and the rest goes towards essentials. I'm lucky I have food stamps or else I couldn't eat

I'm finally making a dentist appointment I'm going to get a walk-in cleaning/exam tomorrow. I have a lot of pain on the right side. It's my own fault from the relapse with purging awhile back. And I just let it go and let it go. It's always a new dentist and I have to explain that I do brush my teeth but had Bulimia for a long time which is embarrassing. I just want to get it all taken care of. I know I'll end up having several appointments for fillings, root canals, and whatever other problems. but I have to do it.

Thank you

What do u think my next step should be?

Me too, hopefully sometime in the next year and get on ticket to work, part time while I continue with school.