Roll Call 143

Findingreason · Jan 31, 2019, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

I just had a breakdown on the phone with the bf.

I told him straight up about my mom and something i just realized.

All the fckin voices i hear when i got sick were my
Moms. My mom called me a fat pig once and all i heard for a year or two was voices telling me i was a fat pig loser. I cut my mom off for 3 years after high school. Best thing i ever did. Yea i was a little sad. But i was very sick, and i was afraid of her.

I'm sorry to hear about that, Newtus.

Sometimes psychotic · Jan 31, 2019, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

I just had a breakdown on the phone with the bf.

I told him straight up about my mom and something i just realized.

All the fckin voices i hear when i got sick were my
Moms. My mom called me a fat pig once and all i heard for a year or two was voices telling me i was a fat pig loser. I cut my mom off for 3 years after high school. Best thing i ever did. Yea i was a little sad. But i was very sick, and i was afraid of her.

One thing that helps me is realizing my parents have their own issues...for example my dad is an alcoholic...I got my bipolar from his side of the family so he may be untreated bipolar...this helps humanize him for me.

Your mom has anger issues and alcohol issues too....maybe she too has a mood disorder but isn’t getting real treatment.

For me this allowed me to forgive my dad but I still keep him at a distance because he’s not in treatment and that’s not good for anyone.

newtus · Jan 31, 2019, 08:19 PM

I appreciate everyones advice.

I meani already live with the bf, so it wouldnt be different i get that. But its the symbolism to me.

Well other than that, i would enjoy the benefits, i know he would too of marriage. Otherwise i get its not much different. But obviously a lot of people get married, even if they get divorced, so thats gotta be that symbolic magic to saying hey im married or he or she is mine for good. Pretty much i guess.

Anyway. Im not telling my mom if i get engaged. Its just bs to do that. She wont care...

newtus · Jan 31, 2019, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

One thing that helps me is realizing my parents have their own issues...for example my dad is an alcoholic...I got my bipolar from his side of the family so he may be untreated bipolar...this helps humanize him for me.

Your mom has anger issues and alcohol issues too....maybe she too has a mood disorder but isn’t getting real treatment.

For me this allowed me to forgive my dad but I still keep him at a distance because he’s not in treatment and that’s not good for anyone.

Yes thats like my mom. Im closer to my dad for a reason.

If yall wanna know what my mom is like shes a lot like trump. Seriously shes good at lying and hyping herself up. Other than that its all a facade.

Sometimes psychotic · Jan 31, 2019, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Yes thats like my mom. Im closer to my dad for a reason.

If yall wanna know what my mom is like shes a lot like trump. Seriously shes good at lying and hyping herself up. Other than that its all a facade.

Hate to get political but I feel extremely sorry for anyone who can compare their mom to trump....

Erti · Jan 31, 2019, 08:38 PM

i think my mom has depression.

newtus · Jan 31, 2019, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Hate to get political but I feel extremely sorry for anyone who can compare their mom to trump....

I feel like my mom has BPD

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019, 09:10 PM

My dad is an alcoholic with probably schizotypal personality disorder. He has a lot of magical thinking. He's awesome. My mom is always manic and cries a lot about beautiful things. I love my mom.

Newtus your mom was so mean and eating away my soul with what she was saying in one of my dreams. I was like "You bich!" and I walked away.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019, 09:24 PM

Come to think of it, my aunt (Moms sister) is like my mom. Always manic and cries a lot about beautiful things. Her daughter (My cousin) was diagnosed bipolar 1 with psychosis.

Weird genetics.. My sister is always manic and cries a lot about beautiful things XD

It's like they're all taking MDMA I swear..

My grandmother on my moms side is depressed and cynical but in a funny way. She used to order Valium online.

ofthevalley · Jan 31, 2019, 09:28 PM

I’m in bed

. So tired.
I don’t think my check will be in tomorrow. Not that it matters...I decided to get my son contacts so I’ll be spending it all on that next week.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019, 09:32 PM

My sister is a bich tho but I love her

Erti · Jan 31, 2019, 09:37 PM

sounds like the females in your life cries a lot about beautiful things.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019, 09:49 PM

I miss the summer

Erti · Jan 31, 2019, 10:27 PM

I can't wait for spring.

newtus · Jan 31, 2019, 10:33 PM

Im so lost. Im so incredibly lost.

Idk what to do with my life. I have no idea. I just wish i knew what to do. Im lost.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Im so lost. Im so incredibly lost.

Idk what to do with my life. I have no idea. I just wish i knew what to do. Im lost.

Same Newtus. Really.. same..

I'm just watching this video of a guitar version of summertime sadness..

.. wishing I could play guitar as good as that.

cogladaid · Jan 31, 2019, 11:03 PM

I’m having those thoughts again go off your meds go off your meds go off your meds there are messages in music and you’re missing them go off your meds.

I missed my meds last night just went to sleep too tired and missed them. I was fine today except for the thoughts above. I took them tonight.

Erti · Jan 31, 2019, 11:06 PM

that was a beautiful youtube video tweaky

Erti · Jan 31, 2019, 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

I’m having those thoughts again go off your meds go off your meds go off your meds there are messages in music and you’re missing them go off your meds.

I missed my meds last night just went to sleep too tired and missed them. I was fine today except for the thoughts above. I took them tonight.

@cogladaid

stay on your medication. you're on them for a reason.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019, 11:26 PM

Possible trigger:

My mom is really drunk and having an existential crisis. She's an alcoholic like my dad but my dad seems to manage it well. She's saying that my sister and I are being mean to her for telling her she has a problem. She shouldn't be drinking a bottle of wine a day or more. This time she drank way more than 3 glasses of wine. I'm afraid that she is going to have a heart arrythmia. She's probably drinking with her ativan but I'm afraid to say anything. I feel basically powerless because my anhedonia and mom is the one that takes care of me. I'm not used to taking care of her

Erti · Jan 31, 2019, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Possible trigger:

My mom is really drunk and having an existential crisis. She's an alcoholic like my dad but my dad seems to manage it well. She's saying that my sister and I are being mean to her for telling her she has a problem. She shouldn't be drinking a bottle of wine a day or more. This time she drank way more than 3 glasses of wine. I'm afraid that she is going to have a heart arrythmia. She's probably drinking with her ativan but I'm afraid to say anything. I feel basically powerless because my anhedonia and mom is the one that takes care of me. I'm not used to taking care of her

maybe when she's not drinking suggest to her a counselor she can go see.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

maybe when she's not drinking suggest to her a counselor she can go see.

She says she's lonely and so my sister is going to cuddle with her because she's going to sleep. She keeps asking us if she's a bad mother.

Well.. idk.. She put my step dad before me for everything. All the **** I was going through. It's like she's delusionally obsessed with being in love and her kids are second. Always looking for boyfriends online or something.

I told her she's a good mother. But jesus is longing for a lover that strong for the average person or is it just her? I don't get it.

But yeah I'll talk to her in the morning because she's a completely different person while drunk. Like night and day. It's like she completely loses her mind at night when she's finished work.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019, 11:40 PM

I gave her a hug and said she's not a bad mother..

Erti · Jan 31, 2019, 11:42 PM

sounds like your mom is lonely and looking for love in all the wrong places. her kids should come first. i think she's looking for something her kids can't give her, a romantic relationship.

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2019, 11:59 PM

My dad was having fun travelling the world. After my step dad attacked me my step dad wanted ME to move out instead and my mom had to think about that decision before she decided to put me first, but instead, she was always at my step dad's house after that. I basically had no one while growing up but my sociopathic step dad.

Possible trigger:

My step dad took me fishing (To get my approval so he could stay with my mom) and I was in the passenger seat next to him in the dark picking opioid capsules out of my pocket and snorting them while he wasn't looking. I can't believe I didn't get caught. I barely even cared if I got caught. Then I went in the back seat and took an extremely high dose of shrooms. He caught me and then when we got back, he told me to sleep it off. He wouldn't have cared if I died. My mom caught me because I had the hiccups and brought me to the psych ward again.

Before I OD'd on clonazepam, I was psychotic and ran to my step dads house and knocked on their door and they wouldn't answer. I thought that they were going to kill me and that an artery in my stomach was going to explode and kill me

.

This is all starting to make sense kind of. But ignore me I'm just trying to make sense of things..

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