Roll Call 153

I’m in such a good mood today, I bought those bags and got my magnets....retail therapy always brightens my mood

An unseen hand organized my room and now I don't know where anything is. This makes me insane. I have unsafe feelings about it but I don't know who the asshole is.

I want to die. I have nothing to live for.

HUGS @Angelique67 If it helps you have lots of friends here on PC like me. HUGS Kit

What about your friend? And you’ll always have us...

I feel depressed. I just wanted to lie down and think. Because I'm constantly thinking.. My thoughts are too entertaining.. Philosophizing things..

I bought more nicotine spray. It seems to help with my negative symptoms a lot. Phenibut does too but I have to take a tolerance break.

I'm gonna take phenibut before I go to the city for my mom's surgery. My aunt and uncle are flying to the city too and booked a hotel for us. 500 dollars a night. That was really nice of them.

I think I should organize my notes. It's going to take a very long time to organize my notes so I just do it a little bit at a time which means I can organize my mind and thoughts.

I'm listening to Alan Watts. I might try reading the book I was given about the bipolar woman that became a doctor. It's really interesting.

I'm trying really hard but my negative symptoms are soooo bad that it feels like I can be in pain a lot of the time. I'd rather have physical pain like a broken leg.

But I'm doing good in terms of psychosis. I think the damage from being stoned is going away and I'm able to think clearly again. CBD really helps me relax and I think gets rid of my panic attacks so I don't need to take benzos. I took 100mg and now I know that it DEFINITELY works. CBD does work and it lasts all day.

My thoughts were really slow this morning and all the Vyvanse does is get me out of bed but I drank a coffee and that helps too. A lot of people would rather sleep 12 hours a night and take Vyvanse to wake up rather than not being able to sleep at all and take sleeping pills so I guess it's not so bad. I'm able to keep mentally stable by having soooo much sleep like a solid 12 hours every night.

Things are really hard but I'm pushing through it.

Thank you, Kit!

Sorry you’re feeling depressed

Also sorry to ask but what book is that about the bipolar woman? Sounds interesting

Felt pretty low today. Hoping tomorrow is better, I've been doing what I can though to cope. I really need to work on some stuff specifically the anxiety about leaving the house that's come back. Walking always helped me so much and not going out much has messed with my mental health lately

It's hard to tell a lot of the time how he feels. He says I'm the most important person to him but then he flies off to celebrate his friend's birthday. He didn't celebrate my birthday. And he always wants to go home before he's been here very long.

I am more grateful and appreciative of you guys here than I can say. Without you I'd be so lost.

HUGS @Blue_Bird

"An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison"

Oh ok thanks!

I woke up at 2pm today.

Not sure if it's the Haldol or the new cholesterol medicine, probably the Haldol.

My cousin is over this weekend, he's very overwhelming and energetic so I'm not looking forward to that.

Yes, walking helped me enormously when I could do it. I took a very long walk every morning after work. Sorry you're down. I hope tomorrow is better.

Thank you for saying how much CBD to take. I've been trying way lower than that and it hasn't helped. I'll try a large dose next time.

50mg is still very good. I overdo it with 100mg but then by day 2 it's 50% of that so I took 100mg yesterday, now I'm on 50mg today.

I think CBD keeps my panic attacks away because my panic attacks went away right during the time that I started taking CBD.

If only CBD was legal back in the day, you wouldn't have had to go through benzo hell.

The only reason I took 100mg was because I saw "CBD lollipops" which were dosed at 100mg and they costed like 15 dollars each. I bought 7,000mg of CBD for 260 dollars which will last me about a year. I make 25mg capsules by measuring on my mg weighing scale and sometimes take two a day.

My mom takes 10-20mg CBD every night with 1mg of Ativan and wine and it helps her sleep but I think she would benefit from the 25mg capsules.

I've been in a good mood today too.

Been in and out, doing errands.

Took my mri order sheet to the mri place. Then went home made some phone calls for different things. Then shoved a bit of food down my throat, and went back out to get a voter registration form.

I'm exhausted. I had walked all over downtown cuz the election administration building was closed. Then went and got my form from the library.

Blah. Ima have a shot and beer.

Time to relax.

I've been losing weight a bit too. Cuz I have to do so much walking at work. Not a lot. But it's like I'm in and out of offices and past two weeks been in and out of the building, going out into the field with clients. And then on my off days I have to run all my errands. Etc. And no time to eat. I dont take lunch breaks anymore at work cuz I only work 5 hours. If the company pays for my meal when I'm out with clients I'll eat tho.

I'm so glad to be busy. I really am.

There was a group of people outside of the courthouse with their dogs, I guess protesting something?

Yes, that's the limit that I've tried, just 10mg. And I don't know the dosing of the gummy worms because my friend bought a regular gummy worms to empty out and put the CBD ones in.

I'm so exhausted.

I havent been writing. It's like I'm too busy to write, now. I have so much to do during the day. Work. And then on my days off I gotta do errands.

The time I do have, at the end of the day, is when I want to relax. Have a drink or just lay in bed and rest because I'm exhausted from the day.

Idk how to fit writing in between all of that.

I'm not as busy on the weekends. Especially sunday. But then it's like I just watch TV on sunday and sometimes Saturday.

Also, I've always felt a little weird writing in the mornings or in the middle of the day. Like it's not right. Like I'm not supposed to. Maybe it's my minds way of thinking that I should do something more productive. So I want to write at night. But then it's like, that's when I'm tired and just wanna relax.

I have ideas. It's not a lack of ideas. A lot of it is procrastination.

Going to mass tomorrow evening

SP I found the blue light blocker on windows 10 display settings! I didn't need an app at all. This is awesome

I have that on as well

Just heard on the news tomorrow is Batman day! I don’t know what that means but it sounds fun!