Roll Call 155

Nah screw it imma sleep.. Although the vyvanse will be in my blood for another 4 hours..

It's 2:45am and I can't sleep. So I took an Ativan because I have akathisia. The Exorcist is on.

I'm hoping they didn't open my locked drawers. Everything went badly today.

No one posted for four hours? That's amazing. I guess everyone will sleep well, I hope.

Is it one that you have to eat with the pill? Geodon gave me awful nausea because I wasn't aware I had to eat with it. Anyway, hope you feel better now.

I lost a whole 9 years to mental illness.

Life started from 0 and ended at 12. Then started again at 21. I'm 23 now.

Interesting.. I've only been truly living again for 2 years right now.

The Ativan didn't help. I still have akathisia and RLS really badly.

Akathisia is the worst feeling ever. I know I say many things are the worst things ever.. So many things that happen to us.. We're tortured souls.

<3

I took a 1mg alprazolam a few days ago and it took about two hours to kick in so don't give up. Just put head on pillow and be entertained by the colours that swirl behind your eyelids to trance you to sleep.

I think for everyone they're green/yellow or purple/pink colours.

Thanks! It's thorazine, for some reason I get really nauseous if I don't eat with it

Morning

I cant believe it's already Tuesday. Time is tickin'.

I got very upset at my mom. I tried to re-invite her to help. Shes all like "can u see about getting moving help, cuz (stepdad) shoulder is injured and I been having issues with my arthritis." I looked it up and told her it would be 200 something for 2 movers for 3 hours. She said "just get 1 helper for 1 or 2 hours and I'll put the money in your account"

Blah blah blah I did it and ordered it. Came back and said it was 140. She said "well maybe we can do it ourselves." I said "are you serious? I already ordered it. Now I'm out of 140 bucks...!" I blew up on her about that plus from earlier today. She said "funny you say that, it always seems to be me that's out."

So I've had about enough. I'm mostly likely going to tell them dont come. Im pissed af. Tired of her back and forth shyt. Whether is about us fighting or her telling me the wrong things to do. So I'm not inviting her over.

The situation with my mom gave me a headache last night. Woke up with one too. I hope it doesnt last 3 days. Also it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I feel like shes just evil.

I also feel a massive amount of anxiety. But I took all my meds 30 min ago. Pdoc says to start taking the gabapentin once daily instead of as needed. She said if it just gets worse, she will put me on ativan, but that's her last resort since it's a narcotic.

You’re going to be better off with at least one professional regardless. Your back is hurt and so are your mom and stepdad. My parents have told me they will no longer help with my moves period...they are just too old and get too sore after doing it. They are still good people but moving is a big ask for aging family.

I just want to clarify a bit....I would be upset too if they said they would pay then didn’t but Ive found that trying to understand where other people are coming from makes me less angry. So many people waste their energy on small things like being angry in traffic and other situations they cannot control. Personally I try to think of things from their perspective like that guy who sped ahead and cut you off could be having an emergency...he may just be an ahole or oblivious but thinking maybe he has an emergency helps me remain calm and understanding which is a much better place for my own mind. The reality is that by being angry you give the other person power and control in your life. Keep your own power and control and you’ll feel much better overall.

Right. And that's what I did. I called her back after work and i was like "i know u are angry mom, but that really hurt me. Did u say you dont care cuz u were angry at me?"

So yea I did that.

Done at the dentist. He put a composite tooth in and filling. He did one minor filling without tooth anesthetic. He put a composite half tooth in where half my tooth fell out.

It really wasnt bad at all. The filling without anesthetic hurt kinda, and he had to laser off some of my gum that was hanging off. AND THAT OMG! The taste of burnt human flesh omg I almost threw up.

Should I let her come to help move or not?

That's what I'm having trouble deciding.

At least it’s over.... now you have one less thing to worry about....

Should I let her come help us move or ask her to stay at home?

I feel like your mom will try to take control of the move ...she just seems like the type who would be directing but not doing anything. If she’s hurt anyway that’s a good excuse to say why don’t you guys just stay home and relax I know you’re in pain so we’ve got it covered.

We got professional movers to move us because a) we had a lot of stuff but also b) you don’t get paid time off if you hurt yourself not at your job. Also c) insurance covers anything broken. Furniture and stuff I would want to hire movers to help.

I'd let her come help if she wants but I wouldn't count on her being a lot of help if that makes sense....Kit

Glad you are done at the dentist. That doesn't sound too bad. Except the burnt flesh part. I had to have surgery to remove tumors in my mouth and I chose twilight so I was partially aware of what they were doing. When they were grinding down the bone, and I could smell the bone fragments, it was so gross.

I'm sorry you are having trouble sleeping. How are you feeling today? Any better?

Yes thanks. I slept through the whole morning though.