Roll Call 156

LOL. I mean, that sounds hilarious but alas it is not a feasible option.

"Genocidal holidays", yep. Not my idea of fun. I end up wanting to tell off a bunch of people because I literally do not understand why in the hell everyone loses the ability to function on holidays and in close proximity to them. It is so insufferably stupid to me. It is just another day, and I do not care lol I feel like a drill Sargent but aaahhh I always end up telling certain family members some variation of, "I do not care about food and fake football, get out of my face and quit wasting my time with intentional inefficiency." Oh good lord, offended Te ... lmfao. I guess that gives another spin on "pass the salt" ...

i'm worried my meds are poisoning me

I often have that paranoia as well, hope you feel better

I couldnt sleep last night either. I havent been able to past 3 nights. But I slept all day yesterday. So idk.

airports suck.

psychiatrist appointment today. My refills still aren't ready at the pharmacy so im gonna call when they open and make sure everythings okay.

Went to the food pantry and had breakfast. Took a shower, just waiting on my case manager to stop by. Then after that I can go to the library and pick something up.

called the pharmacy, they said my refills would be ready by 6pm tonight.

Do they do text messaging? That's what I always sign up for.

yeah they do, but it's never worked for me for some reason

My mom is upset me and fiance may not go over to her house. She didnt say she was but the way she talked tho... she said "well I asked for you guys to come over first, before she decided she was coming to your place..."

Idk what to do.

Well you can’t leave guests unattended at your house, your mom should understand that.........

Yea. I know. She said she was confused as to why things changed. Well, nothing's changed. I told her last week or week and a half that fiances moms house may not be renovated in time for Thanksgiving. Every time she acts like she doesnt understand why something is the way it is, she says "I dont understand. I'm confused."

Ugh.

We will be over there for Christmas. Apparently my sister is going to her husband's parents in Washington state for Thanksgiving too. I think she always does. So itll just be my mom and stepdad I guess. I mean idk what to say. Normally I'd be not ok but fiances parents house is pretty much in shambles. Half of it anyway. So I cant say no.

But I am going to see my dad. My moms an hour and a half away. My dad is only 30 min. Plus he gets off early that day. Right after we would eat fiances moms cooking. So it works out perfectly in that way.

If it’s just your mom and stepdad invite them over to your place......

I suppose I will. But its fiances whole family. It's really not gonna be enough room with 8 or 9 people with me and fiance included.

I had trouble sleeping too last night @newtus. I ended up having to take some xanax so I could finally go to sleep. I did take a nap yesterday afternoon but that doesn't usually affect me. Who knows. HUGS Kit

I'm bored at work today. It's our slow period so there isn't much for me to do right now. I want to SH. I've been wanting to since yesterday. I haven't texted my accountability partner yet. Don't want to bother her as her husband had surgery a week ago. I don't know that it helps anyway. I see T on Wednesday night. Not sure that is going to help either. I think my depression is acting up. I have zero motivation. I don't feel like doing anything. Some Sui thoughts are creeping in. I just want to lay down and not wake up. HUGS Kit

I saw that Mr. Rogers movie this weekend with my parents. It was okay. Kind of sad. I wanted to see Frozen 2 but I couldn't get anyone to go with me.

I’m glad you see T soon. What do you normally do to counteract SH and depression.? I mean for me I may sure to do something either distracting or fun.....I actually used to keep a miniature coloring book and some markers at my desk and then do five minutes of that, not so much I’d get caught doing it but enough that it would help regulate my mood. I also used to keep something tactile like silly putty or something scented in my case mulling spices at my desk. Just because you’re at work doesn’t mean you can’t put in five minutes of self care.

I usually try to get distracted, which should be easy because I'm at work but we aren't very busy right now so I don't have a lot on my plate. If I am at home there would be more things I could do, like nap, cuddle with my kitties, take a hot bath, etc. I have some nice lotion that I can use on the places where I want to SH. I'm not sure what to do about the depression. I'm reading Bible verses. I think I'll text my accountability partner. Not sure it will help, but y'know...maybe. I just have to get through three days of work and then I have four days off. Maybe I can sufficiently recuperate. I think I'm worn down. I feel like I'm sinking into a big hole of depression. HUGS Kit

Sorry you’re feeling depressed....maybe you could plan to goto frozen II on your own later in the week....get some nice snacks at the movies and it’s so easy to just play on your phone until it starts so you don’t feel alone.